I don't know what to do D:

[Guest knoxisworried]

Hi, 

I'm 13 and I'm worried there's something wrong with me. I keep looking online and trying to find a diagnosis but I'm not sure, and all the quizzes I took said that I have OCD. I know that I should not trust the quizzes for a diagnosis and I feel like an impostor. I asked on 7cups and the listener said they don't talk about OCD and it made me feel whiny, if that makes sense? Like I'm not suicidal and I'm not being abused and I don't deserve to be asking for help.

I identify with a lot of the symptoms of OCD, though. I do things compulsively and have these stupid little rules, like whenever I breathe in I have to be looking at something pretty and clean (right now my eyes keep darting over to my pink browser background.) And when I do something disgusting or bad, I have to say sorry sorry sorry in my head as much as I can, and I can only stop saying it if the amount of sorry's is a multiple of 3.

I also have a really big fear of surgery and I am so worried about getting cancer. I keep feeling around my body for lumps and it's ridiculous but it makes me so scared. Other things stress me out too, like my mom recently had a bunion operation and now I'm anxious about having bunions. And when we have a bonfire, I get so worried when my brother sits too close to the fire pit and all I can see in my head is him falling in. My dad wants me to be a doctor and all I can think about is gory wounds. If I hear a ghost story or read something disturbing, I can't get it out of my head for months. I keep finding grammar mistakes and typos, but I stopped pointing them out after fifth grade when the teachers got fed up with me and complained to my parents. I still find them everywhere and it really bothers me. People say that I'm intense and it makes me feel ridiculous. 

Also, I have these weird aversions to certain things. Like when I was little, I hated boogers and I would cry whenever I saw one. And for some reason I really can't stand earrings, and if I accidentally touch one I have to wash my hands to get the feeling off. When my nails scrape against something rough, I have to find a glass or something smooth and rub them against it to remove the feeling. I can't stand the number 7 or its multiples, either, and I'm not sure why. And if there's a countdown or a timer and I see the number 13 come up, I have to breathe in while looking at it.

Additionally, I pay too much attention to detail. It's happened before that I didn't turn in my projects on time because I was obsessing over finding just the right background to match the font color and such. 

I don't want to tell my parents because they won't take me seriously. They think I'm trying to find excuses for things.

Please help, this is taking over my life. I'm really sorry for the long post but I'm so confused.

Thanks 

Edited June 22, 2020 by knoxisworried

[snowbear]

Hi knoxisworried. Welcome to the forum.

Everybody deserves to be helped when they need it so never let anybody make you feel embarrassed or unworthy about asking for help.

It does sound as though you're suffering from compulsive urges related to various thoughts and feelings. Everything you mentioned is common in people with OCD, so the first thing you need to do is get properly diagnosed so you can access the help you need. I understand you think your parents won't take you seriously, but maybe you could start by explaining you get some thoughts that trouble you and say you've done some reading and think it's OCD. Then perhaps ask them to look at some information online with you, starting with the chairty's website pages on what is OCD ? https://www.ocduk.org/ocd/introduction-to-ocd/   From there you can go to see your GP and ask to be referred for CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy.)

Sometimes when things make no sense to us we think other people will dismiss it as silly, but as long as you explain this is making you genuinely anxious your parents will listen and try to understand. Just because something isn't logical doesn't mean it can't feel real or scary or confusing. 

Do come back and let us know how you get on with chatting to your parents and getting referred for therapy.