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I just feel so much guilt. From thoughts fantasies things that have happened. I'm finding it so very hard to cope.

 

When I'm living in the present I am ok and can sometimes have good days, I need to remind myself of this. Right now everything seems hopeless.

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6 hours ago, Runningaway said:

I just feel so much guilt. From thoughts fantasies things that have happened. I'm finding it so very hard to cope.

 

When I'm living in the present I am ok and can sometimes have good days, I need to remind myself of this. Right now everything seems hopeless.

You are worth everything! I know the feeling of extreme guilt: You just feel that thoughts and fantasies define you as a bad person that doesn’t deserve anything, but they do not!! Worrying about being a bad person makes you one of the most kind and understanding kind of people, a person that family and friends are lucky to have. Try to find your strength, I know you can. If you have the energy to make yourself feel bad about having thoughts (that takes a lot of energy, believe me), you certainly have the energy to get through it and set yourself above all of it!!! I want to tell you you are certainly not alone and that I truly understand the feeling that guilt can cause, you just feel like you are not worth it. What I’ve learned in the past is that guilt can lead you to withdrawing yourself from the people you love, and having thoughts like: “how can someone love me when I have these thoughts”, or “I don’t deserve this because I have these thoughts”. It is a common thing that is accompanied with intrusive thoughts. I want you to know that the people around you will never judge or abandon you because of the thoughts you’re having. I know everything that you are thinking looks like the truth, but a “bad”  thought doesn’t make you a “bad” person. By feeling so much guilt for just a thought you are the opposite of what your definition of a “bad” person is. Mindfulness is a great way to acknowledge your thoughts and just letting them be. Imagine your mind being a high way and the cars that drive by are your thoughts. The type of car that drives on the road does not define what kind of road it is. If a ugly, broken car drives on that high way, the road doesn’t become ugly and broken too; the cars don’t define the road, just like your thoughts don’t define you. I hope you realize how wonderful and considerate you are and how extremely lucky people around you are for having someone with such a pure heart, even if you sometimes feel like you’re not worth it. I know it’ll be tuff but you can do this! You can overcome this! The guilt goes away, you just have to learn how to cope with it. I hope this kinda helped you :) I was just trying to say the things to you that I would say to myself when I was feeling just like you do now. Have a wonderful day! You’re worth it, I promise you it will all be fine.

Edited by ocd19
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On 24/06/2020 at 00:31, ocd19 said:

You are worth everything! I know the feeling of extreme guilt: You just feel that thoughts and fantasies define you as a bad person that doesn’t deserve anything, but they do not!! Worrying about being a bad person makes you one of the most kind and understanding kind of people, a person that family and friends are lucky to have. Try to find your strength, I know you can. If you have the energy to make yourself feel bad about having thoughts (that takes a lot of energy, believe me), you certainly have the energy to get through it and set yourself above all of it!!! I want to tell you you are certainly not alone and that I truly understand the feeling that guilt can cause, you just feel like you are not worth it. What I’ve learned in the past is that guilt can lead you to withdrawing yourself from the people you love, and having thoughts like: “how can someone love me when I have these thoughts”, or “I don’t deserve this because I have these thoughts”. It is a common thing that is accompanied with intrusive thoughts. I want you to know that the people around you will never judge or abandon you because of the thoughts you’re having. I know everything that you are thinking looks like the truth, but a “bad”  thought doesn’t make you a “bad” person. By feeling so much guilt for just a thought you are the opposite of what your definition of a “bad” person is. Mindfulness is a great way to acknowledge your thoughts and just letting them be. Imagine your mind being a high way and the cars that drive by are your thoughts. The type of car that drives on the road does not define what kind of road it is. If a ugly, broken car drives on that high way, the road doesn’t become ugly and broken too; the cars don’t define the road, just like your thoughts don’t define you. I hope you realize how wonderful and considerate you are and how extremely lucky people around you are for having someone with such a pure heart, even if you sometimes feel like you’re not worth it. I know it’ll be tuff but you can do this! You can overcome this! The guilt goes away, you just have to learn how to cope with it. I hope this kinda helped you :) I was just trying to say the things to you that I would say to myself when I was feeling just like you do now. Have a wonderful day! You’re worth it, I promise you it will all be fine.

Thanks for the reply. The OCD makes me an awful person. My partner just committed suicide as I ended things, I didn't think it was fair to be with him when this OCD is all I think about and all I am bothered about. He tried so hard. Now because I didn't answer his call as I went to bed he is gone forever, and gone forever hating me 

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  • 2 weeks later...
On 26/06/2020 at 08:39, Runningaway said:

Thanks for the reply. The OCD makes me an awful person. My partner just committed suicide as I ended things, I didn't think it was fair to be with him when this OCD is all I think about and all I am bothered about. He tried so hard. Now because I didn't answer his call as I went to bed he is gone forever, and gone forever hating me 

I am so sorry to hear this. He didn’t hate you, he loved you. People only remember the good/positive feelings / memories someone they loved gave them and not the negative. It is not your fault, he wouldn’t blame you either. You have to learn to deal with your guilt. I know it’s a rough patch right now but you can get through this. Your current situation is not your final destination. Transfer all your sadness into power and try to get better, if you think you don’t deserve it, try it for your partner. He would’ve wantend you to get better, as you said he tried so hard, you have to try also. You have to want it yourself too. Stay strong and my condolences, I am so sorry for your loss.

Edited by ocd19
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On 07/07/2020 at 23:45, ocd19 said:

I am so sorry to hear this. He didn’t hate you, he loved you. People only remember the good/positive feelings / memories someone they loved gave them and not the negative. It is not your fault, he wouldn’t blame you either. You have to learn to deal with your guilt. I know it’s a rough patch right now but you can get through this. Your current situation is not your final destination. Transfer all your sadness into power and try to get better, if you think you don’t deserve it, try it for your partner. He would’ve wantend you to get better, as you said he tried so hard, you have to try also. You have to want it yourself too. Stay strong and my condolences, I am so sorry for your loss.

Thank you. x

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