Stuck in therapy

[JKM]

Anyone start therapy and got to a point where they were 'stuck'? So knowing what they had to do but finding it hard to put it in place? Finding it hard to get their head around the situation you're in? I'm on session 6 out of 20. 

[JKM]

The relationship with my therapist is what I'm finding really hard. I'm not sure if thats the way she needs to be or if its me taking things the wrong way, or if we just clash. I'm not too sure aboit what to do about that. Any ideas? How was yours? 

[Ashley]

Hello JKM,

I agree in one sense with Doubt it that you're still early in therapy, but by the same token I do firmly believe that success or failure of therapy can sometimes be dictated by the working relationship between the patient and therapist. 

My gut feeling is if you're taking things wrong, it's because the therapist isn't explaining them correctly or clearly enough t you. Have you tried asking her to expand or explain the areas of the conversation that make you feel unsure?   If I am honest, I think we know within the first couple of sessions if the 'relationship' is there, if you feel there is easy communication and if you feel the trust is there enough to be able to engage in proactive therapy.  If not, you could try explaining how you feel to see if things improve.

I have 'sacked' a NHS therapist after one session before (although I perhaps jumped too soon on that).  I politely explained I don't feel this relationship is working, and I asked to me escalated to someone with a little more understanding of OCD (was a bit awkward, but only for a couple of minutes).  It did mean I had to go back on the waiting list though, but I was happy to do that.

[snowbear]

On 24/06/2020 at 19:20, JKM said:

Anyone start therapy and got to a point where they were 'stuck'? So knowing what they had to do but finding it hard to put it in place? Finding it hard to get their head around the situation you're in? I'm on session 6 out of 20. 

Hi JKM, 

There are some things to think about in the other replies you've received, but my take on your post is that you're struggling with standing up to the OCD rather than having a problem with  your therapist. Is that what you meant?

It's incredibly common. We all want this horrid condition to go away, but what we mean is we want the world to be different/safe/changed rather than for us to have to change.

The reality of therapy starts with accepting the world does not and never will work in a way that will satisfy the demands of our OCD. That's a huge thing to get your head around. It can create resentment and anger that you are expected to change how you think and feel instead of therapy showing you a way to resolve how you currently think sitting comfortably with how you'd like things to be. 

Even if you accept you need to change doing the actual changing is very hard. It takes courage and commitment and asks you to trust that the outcome will feel better than you feel now, although what you're expected to aim for seems totally at odds with everything you've been doing for however long you've had OCD. 

There's no shortcut, no magic wand anyone can wave which will make the process of acceptance and change easier - you just have to commit to it, grit your teeth with determination and wait to arrive out the other side. 

That's why I believe the more cognitive therapy you do before tackling the behavioural exposure exercises the better. You may never be 'ready' to face the change, but the more you get into the headspace that the change is a good thing and not as counterintuitive as it feels the easier the process of 'doing it' becomes. 

I suggest you speak to your therapist about it. Devote a session to talking about what's making you feel stuck and what is making it hard to do. You might find some answers which help you move forward, or you might conclude you're just not ready to commit yourself to the process of actually changing. If so, that's ok. Better to be honest about it than to start looking for people and things to blame for the lack of progress. Sometimes you just need a week or two to get your head around 'biting the bullet' and then you can move forward again. Hopefully you're therapist will be understanding of that and will support you through the adjustment phase just as happily as doing the behavioural part of therapy. 

Let us know how things go in the coming weeks.