Next step?

[Nikola Tesla]

Hello

I've been suffering with OCD for years. Recently it's got really worse since my Mum passed. I tried 2 antidepressants on maximum dose 8 months each and they didn't work. I also tried a anti psychotic (Quatiapine) after the first anti depressant which made my symptoms 10 x worse. So basically the medications aren't working.

I also had nearly 25 CBT sessions. Out of 10 they helped around 3/10. The therapist used to encourage me to talk. This was the wrong idea because when you do that I could go on forever. This also distracted me from why I went there which was to get help. The only thing I think she really helped me with was reducing the time it took me to wash my hands. So if was 5 minutes, I reduced it to 2 minutes. All the other problems are still there... Washing my clothes, showering, using the toilet, brushing my teeth. My condition did improve a little, I think mainly because has someone to talk to and someone who would listen. The therapist also put me in contact from a worker from MIND. She did this to help get me in a routine which she said would help with the OCD. The worker asked me what I liked doing or what I wanted to do then helped me plan it. I said I wanted to go to the gym so we went to check out some of the local gyms and on the 2nd day we had a free trial at one of the gyms. He also was going to put in a support group which met every week and a befriending service. Since my Mums passing everything seems to have fallen apart and my symptoms have gotten way worse to the point where it takes me 4 hours to shower and 2 hours to use the toilet so sometimes I go 1 or 2 months without showering and I don't really eat or drink anything because I can't cook and if I do it takes me ages because of the OCD. I also don't eat or drink because then I have to use the toilet which takes 2 hours. My compulsions and worries take up most of the day. I haven't been out for ages. I have no energy and I always feel tired. OCD zaps it out. I really don't know what the next step is. I do want help but there is very little a GP or family can do.

Edited June 26, 2020 by Nikola Tesla

[ThrowawayForObviousReasons]

Hey Nikola,

I know things are really difficult right now, but that doesn't mean that they will be that way forever. You sound like an incredibly strong person. OCD can make your own mind feel like a cage, with your thoughts and actions as the bars, but it isn't inescapable. I think the steps of going to a gym and using a befriending service are both very good, as I've found that for a lot of people their mental illness gets much more severe when they are alone or feel alone. Sometimes you need a bit of perspective and a bit of help getting out of your own head, or even just a bit of temporary distraction from your thoughts and rituals to help break the cycles you are in. I think that even in extreme cases finding friends to go out with, or a hobby or social club can be very helpful. Having something else for your mind to focus on can help make things a bit easier to bear.

I know that these next things arent exactly "Magic bullets", but during the darkest time in my life, when therapy and family support wasn't doing as much as I wanted it to, learning to take care of myself really helped. It didn't make things better right away, but being sad and well rested and full still felt a lot better than sad and tired and hungry.

Another thing I would suggest, even though it is difficult to do when you are tired from OCD, is learning how to cook. It's a productive activity, and its a self care skill as well. Sometimes it's really small things like learning to take care of yourself that can help you get yourself out of a dark place bit by bit. I know it's difficult when you are stressed, and even more so when your compulsions are mixed up in your care activities, but eating regular meals, staying hydrated and clean, and sleeping and socializing regularly can make a world of difference, even if they won't on their own make your OCD go away. 

Best of luck, you've got this

 

 

[Nikola Tesla]

2 hours ago, ThrowawayForObviousReasons said:

Hey Nikola,

I know things are really difficult right now, but that doesn't mean that they will be that way forever. You sound like an incredibly strong person. OCD can make your own mind feel like a cage, with your thoughts and actions as the bars, but it isn't inescapable. I think the steps of going to a gym and using a befriending service are both very good, as I've found that for a lot of people their mental illness gets much more severe when they are alone or feel alone. Sometimes you need a bit of perspective and a bit of help getting out of your own head, or even just a bit of temporary distraction from your thoughts and rituals to help break the cycles you are in. I think that even in extreme cases finding friends to go out with, or a hobby or social club can be very helpful. Having something else for your mind to focus on can help make things a bit easier to bear.

I know that these next things arent exactly "Magic bullets", but during the darkest time in my life, when therapy and family support wasn't doing as much as I wanted it to, learning to take care of myself really helped. It didn't make things better right away, but being sad and well rested and full still felt a lot better than sad and tired and hungry.

Another thing I would suggest, even though it is difficult to do when you are tired from OCD, is learning how to cook. It's a productive activity, and its a self care skill as well. Sometimes it's really small things like learning to take care of yourself that can help you get yourself out of a dark place bit by bit. I know it's difficult when you are stressed, and even more so when your compulsions are mixed up in your care activities, but eating regular meals, staying hydrated and clean, and sleeping and socializing regularly can make a world of difference, even if they won't on their own make your OCD go away. 

Best of luck, you've got this

 

 

Thanks for replying. Yes but to do all these activities and to go out is so difficult because I need to get ready which can take ages. My OCD is very bad when it comes to some things...

Brushing my teeth: Which takes me 25 minutes and I have to do it in stages. I've damaged some of my teeth because of this. I wanted to work on this with my therapist but she wasn't helpful and told me what I knew already. I'm also worried about the toothpaste splashback which makes me panic. I have to change and wash my clothes if this happens.

 

Washing my face: I literally waste so much water when doing this and my clothes and the floor are all wet. Is there any point?

Using the toilet: Imagine trying to hold your pee in while trying to clean the toilet floor and the toilet just to use it. I have to keep sitting down to get control of my bladder before continuing to clean until I can use it.

These are just some problems. Would you want to talk or come in contact with someone who hasn't brushed there teeth and has bad breathe. Smells like death because they haven't showered in 1 or 2 months and haven't washed their face. I think not 

A normal persons wakes up and there first goal is to get to work, finish work, do whatever, have dinner, get a good nights sleep. My goals for the day is to just use the toilet, brush my teeth, wash my face which takes ages and at the end I feel so tired that I don't have the energy for anything else. 

Edited June 26, 2020 by Nikola Tesla

[dksea]

Hi @Nikola Tesla, welcome to the forums.  I am sorry to hear about the struggles you are going through right now, especially the passing of your mother.  Stressful situations like that definitely can make OCD worse, but as Throwaway says, just because its bad now doesn't mean it has to stay that way forever.
 

8 hours ago, Nikola Tesla said:

The therapist used to encourage me to talk. This was the wrong idea because when you do that I could go on forever. This also distracted me from why I went there which was to get help.

One thing to keep in mind is that the C part of CBT stands for Cognitive, which means changing the WAY you think.  Talking about your problems and learning how to think differently about your obsessions is an important part of recovery.  That doesn't mean just talking and talking, there needs to be some work involved, evaluation of how you are thinking and working towards applying new thought processes, but its possible thats part of what your therapist was doing.  Additionally it can be helpful for the therapist to understand you and your problems by listening.
Of course the B (Behavioral) part is important too, that would be the things like reducing the time you spend on tasks etc.
 

2 hours ago, Nikola Tesla said:

Brushing my teeth: Which takes me 25 minutes and I have to do it in stages. I've damaged some of my teeth because of this. I wanted to work on this with my therapist but she wasn't helpful and told me what I knew already. I'm also worried about the toothpaste splashback which makes me panic. I have to change and wash my clothes if this happens.

One of the paradoxes of OCD recovery is that its very simple, but also very hard.  Many sufferers go in to therapy looking for deep insight and sudden answers, thinking if they just find that one way of doing things, one way of thinking about them, everything will "click in to place" so to speak and they'll be fine.  Unfortunately it doesn't work that way.  Overcoming OCD is much like unlearning a bad habit.  You have to keep repeating the same positive steps over and over until they become automatic.  So your therapist was telling you what you already knew probably because its what you should be doing, what you should be applying to every situation.  Learning what to do to deal with OCD is easy, the hard part is applying it, over and over and over.

The reality is, as much as you may feel like you have to do these things (such as change and wash your clothes) the reality is you don't.  If you don't do them you almost certainly will feel anxiety, and at first it will be strong anxiety, but if you keep not doing it the anxiety will fade, and eventually you won't feel that anxiety anymore.

To recover from OCD you have to accept that you are going to feel anxiety.  This may seem crazy at first, after all, isn't the whole point that you DONT want to feel anxiety?  Yes, thats true, however recovery involves trading short term anxiety for long term recovery.  Its like exercise, when you first start it hurts a lot, you get sore, you get tired, its no fun at all.  But if you keep at it, eventually what was once hard becomes easy, your body adjusts and improves.  You get in better shape.  Your mind can work the same way, you can make it stronger and able to handle OCD more easily but working out everyday.  That involves challenging the demands OCD makes on you.  If OCD says you have to brush your teeth for 25 minutes, brush for 20.  When you stop, it won't feel good at first.  You'll have the urge to continue, but the more you can resist that urge, the stronger you will become.

Unfortunately this change will not happen quickly, however if you make an effort it will get better.  You've already learned how to break this down into smaller steps.  To make gradual improvements.  That is the key to recovery, to do that for your various behaviors, make small changes over time that add up to big ones.

Its also important to remind yourself, that feeling anxiety, feeling discomfort does not mean you are in actual danger.  You have to accept that you are going to feel bad when you try and change these behaviors, but it is worth it, because things staying as they are now is even worse suffering.  

One other option is medication, which can help make it easier to take on that work.  Whether or not you want to go down that path is up to you and your doctor, but it is a valuable and helpful tool for many of us who suffer from OCD.  It won't make everything perfect again, but it can make it easier to take on these tasks for improvement.

Besides that, there is really no "trick" to beating OCD, its just stubbornness and hard work.  Only you can choose to make those choices, to take on that work.  It may seem like an impossible goal now, but if you break it up into smaller steps it becomes easier and as you make progress towards your goals you will gain more confidence and strength.  Its not fair that you, or I, or any of us have OCD.  We didn't do anything to deserve it, its just bad luck.  You can't change the fact that this particular bad luck happened to you, but you can change your future by making the choices and putting in the work to get better.  Therapy is great in that it helps you understand what you need to do, but the real recovery from OCD is in doing the work yourself, every day, the therapist is only your coach, your guide.  You are the athlete, you are the one who actually has to run that race.  Good luck.

[Nikola Tesla]

9 hours ago, Nikola Tesla said:

Thanks for replying. Yes but to do all these activities and to go out is so difficult because I need to get ready which can take ages. My OCD is very bad when it comes to some things...

Brushing my teeth: Which takes me 25 minutes and I have to do it in stages. I've damaged some of my teeth because of this. I wanted to work on this with my therapist but she wasn't helpful and told me what I knew already. I'm also worried about the toothpaste splashback which makes me panic. I have to change and wash my clothes if this happens.

 

Washing my face: I literally waste so much water when doing this and my clothes and the floor are all wet. Is there any point?

Using the toilet: Imagine trying to hold your pee in while trying to clean the toilet floor and the toilet just to use it. I have to keep sitting down to get control of my bladder before continuing to clean until I can use it.

These are just some problems. Would you want to talk or come in contact with someone who hasn't brushed there teeth and has bad breathe. Smells like death because they haven't showered in 1 or 2 months and haven't washed their face. I think not 

A normal persons wakes up and there first goal is to get to work, finish work, do whatever, have dinner, get a good nights sleep. My goals for the day is to just use the toilet, brush my teeth, wash my face which takes ages and at the end I feel so tired that I don't have the energy for anything else. 

 

Edited June 26, 2020 by Nikola Tesla

[Nikola Tesla]

6 hours ago, dksea said:

Hi @Nikola Tesla, welcome to the forums.  I am sorry to hear about the struggles you are going through right now, especially the passing of your mother.  Stressful situations like that definitely can make OCD worse, but as Throwaway says, just because its bad now doesn't mean it has to stay that way forever.
 

One thing to keep in mind is that the C part of CBT stands for Cognitive, which means changing the WAY you think.  Talking about your problems and learning how to think differently about your obsessions is an important part of recovery.  That doesn't mean just talking and talking, there needs to be some work involved, evaluation of how you are thinking and working towards applying new thought processes, but its possible thats part of what your therapist was doing.  Additionally it can be helpful for the therapist to understand you and your problems by listening.
Of course the B (Behavioral) part is important too, that would be the things like reducing the time you spend on tasks etc.
 

One of the paradoxes of OCD recovery is that its very simple, but also very hard.  Many sufferers go in to therapy looking for deep insight and sudden answers, thinking if they just find that one way of doing things, one way of thinking about them, everything will "click in to place" so to speak and they'll be fine.  Unfortunately it doesn't work that way.  Overcoming OCD is much like unlearning a bad habit.  You have to keep repeating the same positive steps over and over until they become automatic.  So your therapist was telling you what you already knew probably because its what you should be doing, what you should be applying to every situation.  Learning what to do to deal with OCD is easy, the hard part is applying it, over and over and over.

The reality is, as much as you may feel like you have to do these things (such as change and wash your clothes) the reality is you don't.  If you don't do them you almost certainly will feel anxiety, and at first it will be strong anxiety, but if you keep not doing it the anxiety will fade, and eventually you won't feel that anxiety anymore.

To recover from OCD you have to accept that you are going to feel anxiety.  This may seem crazy at first, after all, isn't the whole point that you DONT want to feel anxiety?  Yes, thats true, however recovery involves trading short term anxiety for long term recovery.  Its like exercise, when you first start it hurts a lot, you get sore, you get tired, its no fun at all.  But if you keep at it, eventually what was once hard becomes easy, your body adjusts and improves.  You get in better shape.  Your mind can work the same way, you can make it stronger and able to handle OCD more easily but working out everyday.  That involves challenging the demands OCD makes on you.  If OCD says you have to brush your teeth for 25 minutes, brush for 20.  When you stop, it won't feel good at first.  You'll have the urge to continue, but the more you can resist that urge, the stronger you will become.

Unfortunately this change will not happen quickly, however if you make an effort it will get better.  You've already learned how to break this down into smaller steps.  To make gradual improvements.  That is the key to recovery, to do that for your various behaviors, make small changes over time that add up to big ones.

Its also important to remind yourself, that feeling anxiety, feeling discomfort does not mean you are in actual danger.  You have to accept that you are going to feel bad when you try and change these behaviors, but it is worth it, because things staying as they are now is even worse suffering.  

One other option is medication, which can help make it easier to take on that work.  Whether or not you want to go down that path is up to you and your doctor, but it is a valuable and helpful tool for many of us who suffer from OCD.  It won't make everything perfect again, but it can make it easier to take on these tasks for improvement.

Besides that, there is really no "trick" to beating OCD, its just stubbornness and hard work.  Only you can choose to make those choices, to take on that work.  It may seem like an impossible goal now, but if you break it up into smaller steps it becomes easier and as you make progress towards your goals you will gain more confidence and strength.  Its not fair that you, or I, or any of us have OCD.  We didn't do anything to deserve it, its just bad luck.  You can't change the fact that this particular bad luck happened to you, but you can change your future by making the choices and putting in the work to get better.  Therapy is great in that it helps you understand what you need to do, but the real recovery from OCD is in doing the work yourself, every day, the therapist is only your coach, your guide.  You are the athlete, you are the one who actually has to run that race.  Good luck.

Thanks for replying. I'll respond to the rest of the post later but right now I'll talk about the meds.

I did try 3 meds. 2 antidepressants and 1 anti psychotic. I recently just came off 1 of them. They normally take 3 months to work. I was taking them for 8 months which is 2 years. I took the anti depressants on maximum dose. I increased the dose every 6 weeks. With the anti psychotic I had to stop it because the side effects were too much. Right now I'm trying CBD Oil. I've been using it for a week. The only problem is that it's so expensive and I don't know if it'll work. I hope it will. Time will tell. The best treatment for OCD is a combination of CBT and SSRI. The meds act as water wings or a crutch but the real treatment is CBT. But without the meds the CBT is really hard. That's one of the reasons why I think the therepy failed.

[Nikola Tesla]

6 hours ago, dksea said:

Hi @Nikola Tesla, welcome to the forums.  I am sorry to hear about the struggles you are going through right now, especially the passing of your mother.  Stressful situations like that definitely can make OCD worse, but as Throwaway says, just because its bad now doesn't mean it has to stay that way forever.
 

One thing to keep in mind is that the C part of CBT stands for Cognitive, which means changing the WAY you think.  Talking about your problems and learning how to think differently about your obsessions is an important part of recovery.  That doesn't mean just talking and talking, there needs to be some work involved, evaluation of how you are thinking and working towards applying new thought processes, but its possible thats part of what your therapist was doing.  Additionally it can be helpful for the therapist to understand you and your problems by listening.
Of course the B (Behavioral) part is important too, that would be the things like reducing the time you spend on tasks etc.
 

One of the paradoxes of OCD recovery is that its very simple, but also very hard.  Many sufferers go in to therapy looking for deep insight and sudden answers, thinking if they just find that one way of doing things, one way of thinking about them, everything will "click in to place" so to speak and they'll be fine.  Unfortunately it doesn't work that way.  Overcoming OCD is much like unlearning a bad habit.  You have to keep repeating the same positive steps over and over until they become automatic.  So your therapist was telling you what you already knew probably because its what you should be doing, what you should be applying to every situation.  Learning what to do to deal with OCD is easy, the hard part is applying it, over and over and over.

The reality is, as much as you may feel like you have to do these things (such as change and wash your clothes) the reality is you don't.  If you don't do them you almost certainly will feel anxiety, and at first it will be strong anxiety, but if you keep not doing it the anxiety will fade, and eventually you won't feel that anxiety anymore.

To recover from OCD you have to accept that you are going to feel anxiety.  This may seem crazy at first, after all, isn't the whole point that you DONT want to feel anxiety?  Yes, thats true, however recovery involves trading short term anxiety for long term recovery.  Its like exercise, when you first start it hurts a lot, you get sore, you get tired, its no fun at all.  But if you keep at it, eventually what was once hard becomes easy, your body adjusts and improves.  You get in better shape.  Your mind can work the same way, you can make it stronger and able to handle OCD more easily but working out everyday.  That involves challenging the demands OCD makes on you.  If OCD says you have to brush your teeth for 25 minutes, brush for 20.  When you stop, it won't feel good at first.  You'll have the urge to continue, but the more you can resist that urge, the stronger you will become.

Unfortunately this change will not happen quickly, however if you make an effort it will get better.  You've already learned how to break this down into smaller steps.  To make gradual improvements.  That is the key to recovery, to do that for your various behaviors, make small changes over time that add up to big ones.

Its also important to remind yourself, that feeling anxiety, feeling discomfort does not mean you are in actual danger.  You have to accept that you are going to feel bad when you try and change these behaviors, but it is worth it, because things staying as they are now is even worse suffering.  

One other option is medication, which can help make it easier to take on that work.  Whether or not you want to go down that path is up to you and your doctor, but it is a valuable and helpful tool for many of us who suffer from OCD.  It won't make everything perfect again, but it can make it easier to take on these tasks for improvement.

Besides that, there is really no "trick" to beating OCD, its just stubbornness and hard work.  Only you can choose to make those choices, to take on that work.  It may seem like an impossible goal now, but if you break it up into smaller steps it becomes easier and as you make progress towards your goals you will gain more confidence and strength.  Its not fair that you, or I, or any of us have OCD.  We didn't do anything to deserve it, its just bad luck.  You can't change the fact that this particular bad luck happened to you, but you can change your future by making the choices and putting in the work to get better.  Therapy is great in that it helps you understand what you need to do, but the real recovery from OCD is in doing the work yourself, every day, the therapist is only your coach, your guide.  You are the athlete, you are the one who actually has to run that race.  Good luck.

 

12 hours ago, ThrowawayForObviousReasons said:

Hey Nikola,

I know things are really difficult right now, but that doesn't mean that they will be that way forever. You sound like an incredibly strong person. OCD can make your own mind feel like a cage, with your thoughts and actions as the bars, but it isn't inescapable. I think the steps of going to a gym and using a befriending service are both very good, as I've found that for a lot of people their mental illness gets much more severe when they are alone or feel alone. Sometimes you need a bit of perspective and a bit of help getting out of your own head, or even just a bit of temporary distraction from your thoughts and rituals to help break the cycles you are in. I think that even in extreme cases finding friends to go out with, or a hobby or social club can be very helpful. Having something else for your mind to focus on can help make things a bit easier to bear.

I know that these next things arent exactly "Magic bullets", but during the darkest time in my life, when therapy and family support wasn't doing as much as I wanted it to, learning to take care of myself really helped. It didn't make things better right away, but being sad and well rested and full still felt a lot better than sad and tired and hungry.

Another thing I would suggest, even though it is difficult to do when you are tired from OCD, is learning how to cook. It's a productive activity, and its a self care skill as well. Sometimes it's really small things like learning to take care of yourself that can help you get yourself out of a dark place bit by bit. I know it's difficult when you are stressed, and even more so when your compulsions are mixed up in your care activities, but eating regular meals, staying hydrated and clean, and sleeping and socializing regularly can make a world of difference, even if they won't on their own make your OCD go away. 

Best of luck, you've got this

 

 

Sorry I wasn't haven't a go at u. Just explaining some of problems and frustrations.

[Nikola Tesla]

10 hours ago, dksea said:

Hi @Nikola Tesla, welcome to the forums.  I am sorry to hear about the struggles you are going through right now, especially the passing of your mother.  Stressful situations like that definitely can make OCD worse, but as Throwaway says, just because its bad now doesn't mean it has to stay that way forever.
 

One thing to keep in mind is that the C part of CBT stands for Cognitive, which means changing the WAY you think.  Talking about your problems and learning how to think differently about your obsessions is an important part of recovery.  That doesn't mean just talking and talking, there needs to be some work involved, evaluation of how you are thinking and working towards applying new thought processes, but its possible thats part of what your therapist was doing.  Additionally it can be helpful for the therapist to understand you and your problems by listening.
Of course the B (Behavioral) part is important too, that would be the things like reducing the time you spend on tasks etc.
 

One of the paradoxes of OCD recovery is that its very simple, but also very hard.  Many sufferers go in to therapy looking for deep insight and sudden answers, thinking if they just find that one way of doing things, one way of thinking about them, everything will "click in to place" so to speak and they'll be fine.  Unfortunately it doesn't work that way.  Overcoming OCD is much like unlearning a bad habit.  You have to keep repeating the same positive steps over and over until they become automatic.  So your therapist was telling you what you already knew probably because its what you should be doing, what you should be applying to every situation.  Learning what to do to deal with OCD is easy, the hard part is applying it, over and over and over.

The reality is, as much as you may feel like you have to do these things (such as change and wash your clothes) the reality is you don't.  If you don't do them you almost certainly will feel anxiety, and at first it will be strong anxiety, but if you keep not doing it the anxiety will fade, and eventually you won't feel that anxiety anymore.

To recover from OCD you have to accept that you are going to feel anxiety.  This may seem crazy at first, after all, isn't the whole point that you DONT want to feel anxiety?  Yes, thats true, however recovery involves trading short term anxiety for long term recovery.  Its like exercise, when you first start it hurts a lot, you get sore, you get tired, its no fun at all.  But if you keep at it, eventually what was once hard becomes easy, your body adjusts and improves.  You get in better shape.  Your mind can work the same way, you can make it stronger and able to handle OCD more easily but working out everyday.  That involves challenging the demands OCD makes on you.  If OCD says you have to brush your teeth for 25 minutes, brush for 20.  When you stop, it won't feel good at first.  You'll have the urge to continue, but the more you can resist that urge, the stronger you will become.

Unfortunately this change will not happen quickly, however if you make an effort it will get better.  You've already learned how to break this down into smaller steps.  To make gradual improvements.  That is the key to recovery, to do that for your various behaviors, make small changes over time that add up to big ones.

Its also important to remind yourself, that feeling anxiety, feeling discomfort does not mean you are in actual danger.  You have to accept that you are going to feel bad when you try and change these behaviors, but it is worth it, because things staying as they are now is even worse suffering.  

One other option is medication, which can help make it easier to take on that work.  Whether or not you want to go down that path is up to you and your doctor, but it is a valuable and helpful tool for many of us who suffer from OCD.  It won't make everything perfect again, but it can make it easier to take on these tasks for improvement.

Besides that, there is really no "trick" to beating OCD, its just stubbornness and hard work.  Only you can choose to make those choices, to take on that work.  It may seem like an impossible goal now, but if you break it up into smaller steps it becomes easier and as you make progress towards your goals you will gain more confidence and strength.  Its not fair that you, or I, or any of us have OCD.  We didn't do anything to deserve it, its just bad luck.  You can't change the fact that this particular bad luck happened to you, but you can change your future by making the choices and putting in the work to get better.  Therapy is great in that it helps you understand what you need to do, but the real recovery from OCD is in doing the work yourself, every day, the therapist is only your coach, your guide.  You are the athlete, you are the one who actually has to run that race.  Good luck.

The therapist used to encourage me to talk. I started talking about philosophical questions, movies, books etc. It wasnt all her fault. She didn't stop me. My family used to tell me off and say you don't go there to talk about these things and that your getting distracted. You go there for treatment. When I didn't talk and wanted to focus on the session she would make comments like your moody today or your not yourself and then tell me off if I started talking about other things. When the therapy first started she was asking me about my past which is fine. I think she trying to find out how I got to this stage which linked to low self esteem and low confidence. I wanted to work on the behavourial aspects of the OCD and not focus on the past because I can't change that.

I told her I need a anchor. Because my brain is not functioning properly and hers was. With the hand washing we practiced it together. We went to the sink and she showed me how she washes her hands and how long for. I copied that and reduced the time from 5 to 2 minutes. I stuck to that ever since.

With the practicing the showering there's very little she can help with which is understandable because I don't want to see her take a shower but we did rehearse a little.  

With the toothbrushing I asked her if we could work on that together. She said she would bring her toothbrush in and show me how she brushes her teeth and then for a few sessions we would work on correcting that problem. When it came to the problem she changed her mind. She said we'll draw up a chart and then every week we can moniter the progress you made which I was already doing before the sessions started and that wasn't helping. She said it takes 2 minutes to brush your teeth. Well I bloody already knew that so why is it taking me 15. It was taking me 15 then now it's gotten worse. The lowest I've been able to cut it down to is 10 minutes now it gone to 20-25 mins