Please help cannot cope with groinal responses

[Exhausted23]

I’m having constant groinal responses and I don’t know what to do. My current obsession is my sexuality and so I pretty much get a groinal response at anything relating to women. When I began worrying about this I now see had absolutely nothing to base it on (hindsight is a wonderful thing!) however I began checking. At first the groinal responses were tingly and I could tell they were anxiety based however now it feels like actual arousal. The response is triggered way more easily and is far more intense when checking with woman than men. It seems ironic to me that I remember thinking before all this happened that I don’t understand what is arousing about breasts however now I get intense groinal responses to them. I still don’t think I am attracted to them in that I don’t find them anymore appealing to look at than I used to but I just can’t cope with this intense physical response.
 

I don’t know how to stop checking. I don’t know whether to avoid things relating to my obsession as at the moment I constantly check or is avoidance another compulsion? If I ever feel better I cannot resist the urge to check my responses to see if my groinal responses to women have gone. Usually this just causes more anxiety as even if I get the response I want once (which doesn’t always happen) I then feel I have to double check to be sure and the cycle just continues. I also feel ashamed because of the anxiety I experience because I know it is not logical and fully support the lgbt community.
 

I’m just feeling so panicked and upset. Have I caused these groinal responses by checking or is it actually real arousal and the only reason I never felt it before is because I wasn’t viewing breasts and women etc. in a sexual way? Any response is honestly appreciated so much as I am aware of how annoying and ridiculous I sound. 

[OCD Sarah]

I think intrusive thoughts have triggered this response and the increased anxiety then makes them worse.

You are not rediculous but struggling and I understand totally. My own OCD has caused much misery over the years but with effective treatment you will move on from this.

Sending hugs

[Exhausted23]

Thank you. I’m just terrified it’s actually real arousal. I worry that if people could feel what I feel they would change their mind. I used to actually enjoy things in life. Now everyday all I can focus on is things that prove or disprove my obsession. Even when I try really hard to take my mind off it, I still subconsciously check. I just want my life back.

[PolarBear]

You don't subconsciously check. None of us do. Every time,  you make a choice to do so. It is you that is doing this, not some uncontrollable part of your brain.

That's actually good news, because you can learn to make better choices and stick with them.

[Exhausted23]

Thank you for the reply. @PolarBear I don’t want to check but it just feels like I have to. It doesn’t even make me feel better when I do usually. It used to but not anymore. I really do want to make better choices it’s just so hard. What if I’m just in denial? I feel this urge to tell everyone that I might be a lesbian just in case I am and then I wouldn’t be lying to anyone. How long does it take for the urge to check to go away once you stop?

[Exhausted23]

Hi @Doubt_It, thank you for replying. I am hoping to do some erp as I’m on the waiting list for cbt but have been told it could take a few months. I am going to try really hard to stop checking. In principle it sounds so easy but then I keep getting triggered all the time and logic just flies out the window.