Trying my best to cope

[Chirpy]

Hello there I hope are all doing well. I come to this forum most days but normally only read the post 

I am trying my best to cope. I have had my OCD for many years. Sometimes it is completely gone and other times it is completely consuming. At the moment I think I am half way between the two. I have found lock down quite hard because I have had too much free time to think. I normally work 3 days a week but have been  Off for the last 2 weeks as I was meant to go on holiday to the Canary Islands but of course it was cancelled, so my ocd has been a little stronger. My thoughts are normally worse in the morning and get better as the day goes on. 
my ocd centres around dates and the devil even though I am not over religious. My mind thinks of situations when my normal routine changes and it then focuses on that point in time and I feel something bad is going to happen to me or a loved one. I know this is magic thinking and My rational side knows that nothing is ever going to happen. I do practise cbt and this does help but sometimes things get over powering. At the moment I am worried about going back to work because I have been out of my routine. I know when I get there I will be fine it is just the apprehension of going back. I love my work. I am a nurse in an old people’s home. Also next Friday I am babysitting my 6 month old grand daughter and I am obsessing about that date as well. I love babysitting her and when I get there I will be fine again it is the apprehension. I hate myself for being like this and just want these thoughts to subside. I know what I must do and I can do it and I will get better. I am not looking for reassurance I just wanted to off load how I am feeling at the moment. Writing it all down has help me vent my anxiety. Most of the time I cope really well but because we have been in this situation for 3 months my normal coping stategis are not working so well. One of my biggest fears is being on my own. Normally 3 times a week my hubby will be out in the evening and I am left on my own. So I face my fear. Now that he doesn’t go out I am worrying about the next time I will be on my own. I sometime make sure I am on my own just to face my fear but again my routine has changed. Sorry rambling on. 

I was wondering if any if out else feels like this. I know all our odds are different but was wondering if you are thrown out of your normal routine your ocd get worse.

Thank you for listening it has helped me a lot to write these things down.

[Chirpy]

Does Anyone else like n this forum have religious forum have religious OCD or deal with the same problems I experience

[Gemma7]

Hi Chirpy

I don't have the exact same fears as you but I definitely find a change to my routine can sometimes throw my worries all over the place. Lockdown has been particularly challenging because there has been so little distraction. It's funny how having a routine, a job to go to, and other social things to attend can be part of healthy coping strategies that help us cope with both OCD stresses and day to day anxiety. 

It's very possible that once your routine starts again and life slowly returns to normal, a lot of what you're experiencing will reduce. But it's important to also apply as much as you can from what you've learnt in CBT. Remember that these thoughts are just thoughts and despite feeling like you need to do something about them, you can ignore them like everyone else 

[Chirpy]

Thank you all for your replies. It help so much to get advice from fellow suffers. Today has been a better day. I am just accepting the thoughts as that thoughts and them letting them go. Thank you once again.