Learning how to relax

[Ollie46]

This is something that I really have struggled with recently. I keep trying things like Yoga and meditation, even after I've done exercise, in order to try and calm my mind but I find it so difficult. My head is extremely loud and the more I try to relax, the more intrusive the thoughts get, the more anxious I feel and the more frustrated I get with the practice. Does anybody else experience this? And if you have, do you have any advice on overcoming it? It would be much appreciated 

[gingerbreadgirl]

Hi Ollie

I don't have much useful to say except I know what you mean, I also find it incredibly difficult to relax, especially recently, and resort to sleeping tablets to knock myself out at night.  

My thinking is that "trying" to relax (eg meditation, yoga etc) can be counterproductive (don't know if that's controversial). But getting wrapped up in thinking about something else - e.g. playing a difficult game, or doing a jigsaw, or something which involves active concentration - can be more relaxing as it takes you out of your worries but without that being the ultimate goal. 

I'll be interested to see what others say about this x

[Wren]

Do you think you might be still engaging in distraction and/or avoidance compulsions without being fully aware of it? Because if you are, then relaxation that involves slowing down and stopping being busy is actually a form of ERP, so it will cause anxiety and an increase in thoughts in the short term.

Also it's a bit of a myth that all meditation is relaxing, many types of meditation can be really hard work, especially if it involves watching thoughts and feelings - you may already know this, so sorry for being patronising, but just wanted to give you a heads up in case you weren't aware as there is a lot of misinformation about meditation around.

Have you tried listening to a guided relaxation script which involves progressive muscle relaxation? This is kind of like a guided meditation which gives your mind something to concentrate on, however, if you are still using avoidance/distraction compulsions be aware that you don't want to get caught in the trap of using guided meditations as another form of avoidance/distraction.

[Ollie46]

I think my main problem is becoming frustrated. I definitely still engage in compulsions occasionally, not so much avoidance but rather the attempt to reason or break down the thoughts. However, when I attempt to meditate (I do usually use a scripted guide for that) I find that because I'm 'trying' to relax, the intrusive thoughts become much louder in my head and is often accompanied by a hit of anxiety.

I suppose I'm supposed to ignore it and focus on the breathing practices but it becomes very frustrating for me, I end up becoming angry rather than relaxed. It feels like the world is conspiring against me at that point! I suppose my real problem is basically calming  tell down when I get frustrated, I've never been good at just accepting that it's okay to feel whatever you feel and try to refocus attention on breathing.

[Wren]

Meditation is not easy and it can take many years of practice to achieve tranquility in meditation. Some forms of Buddhism talk of the 'five hindrances' which have to be worked through in order to achieve tranquility, and anger is considered one of them so it's quite normal to experience frustration. 

I personally would not consider meditation relaxing, but more a form of brain training which may result in long term peace, but the actually practice itself is often quite a struggle - depending on the type of meditation you are practicing, of course - and I'm personally wary of people practicing meditation without guidance from a qualified teacher, because it is not easy, especially with ocd. If you want to relax on a day to day basis you might be better trying something else, perhaps something more active, as GB suggests. Guided relaxation scripts which are specifically aimed at achieving in the moment, short term relaxation are slightly different from meditation derived from Buddhist practice ( 'mindfulness of the body' is a buddhist derived practice and is not necessarily relaxing) so tend to be easier to deal with. 

[Slowcoach]

I can really relate to this!!! I have been diagnosed with ADHD (inattentive type), going to try medication for that soon. It may make the OCD worse though, so I'm apprehensive.

I find meditation really hard, although better in a class. I haven't done a class for years though. I've tried sleep stories, podcasts, various meditation apps and youtube videos. I can do a bodyscan meditation but I do find the OCD thoughts come back massively. If I try to meditate without a recording they come back even worse. I tried to do a standing qigong meditation last night and the intrusive thoughts were really bad. I just ignored them, but it wasn't very nice or relaxing. The only thing which does seem to work for me is listening to a vaguely interesting podcast (nothing to heavy - something about running or travel maybe) and then relaxing different parts of my body, if I keep doing that I can sometimes doze or at least feel more calm.

My doctors are not keen on giving sleeping tablets out. I've had serious problems with drinking to get to sleep, which is great in the moment but never, ever worth it. It's an obvious pathway to addiction and at the least a massive drain on your health and will not lead to better sleep.

I find that the only way to manage it for me is through hard exercise, like running or a vigorous class. Unfortunately I also struggle with fatigue, so it's always a balancing act. I think what Gingerbreadgirl says is really true too - getting totally involved with something is way better for me than meditation. I'm curious to see what effect the ADHD meds have on all this. Will maybe post about it on here. 

I guess maybe meditation can be seen as putting in the hard work at the time for more relaxation in life in general. But for me I've never been able to get that far.