Pleasant thoughts and images that morph into horrible ones

[bobfish]

In the past few days this has been happening a lot to me: I get a pleasant thought or picture about, say, a kid who I've been tutoring or a character I like from a video game, it makes me feel good and happy... and then the intrusive thoughts start and half the time I'm unable to resist them, resulting in a horrible sexual thought or vivid image or something that makes me feel sick and disgusted. I don't think I should push away the happy thoughts, just as I shouldn't be pushing away the horrible thoughts, but it's made the past few days really difficult... As soon as I start to feel happy about something, I almost immediately feel terrible.

I know there's no magic technique that will stop this happening straightaway, but can someone just remind me what steps I should take to alleviate these thoughts and feelings? Feeling a bit lost and confused right now, and not sure if I'm really doing the right thing...

[PolarBear]

Don't push away any thoughts. They're just thoughts and only have meaning if you assign it.

What you do about the unwanted thoughts is nothing. Absolutely nothing. Let them sit there and continue with your day. Give them no attention, repeatedly, and they'll slowly wither away.

Edited July 29, 2020 by PolarBear

[bobfish]

Thanks, PolarBear.

The problem I have now is that sometimes I get an extremely persistent intrusive thought that keeps coming back over and over again, throughout the day. I know that I can still choose not to engage with it, but sometimes it's so easy to bring it to my conscious - giving it even the slightest bit of attention seems to do the trick, to the extent that sometimes it doesn't feel like a conscious decision at all. And if I don't engage, I feel a sort of 'itch' and strong urge to engage which is preventing me from concentrating on anything else.

I know that this has happened partly because of unhealthy rumination which had made things steadily worse, so now I have to just be patient and claw my way out of the hole I've dug for myself.

Things are especially difficult at night - it actually feels a bit weird when I don't engage in these thoughts, because I'm not used to not having any background thoughts and 'clearing' my mind. So the urge to ruminate and dwell on these horrible thoughts is particularly strong at night and often keeps me up.

I guess I just have to keep persevering, no matter how difficult things are right now, with no end to all this in sight.

[PolarBear]

You've just described what every sufferer goes through.

Try. Fail. Try. Fail. Try. Success. Try. Fail. Try.... And so it goes.