How can I cope with depression caused by OCD

[Maque]

Every time I go to therapy there's a sort of a coping mechanism, making me think everything is better. I can't admit to my therapist about my main obsessions, I can't even admit to myself. No matter how much I want to get better my self destructive defence is stronger than me. What should I do?

[Gemma@OCDUK]

Hi Maque,

The main question I would ask is why don't you feel able to admit your main obsessions to your therapist or even yourself? What is it that's holding you back? It's really hard opening up to someone especially about things that cause us great distress but the alternative is to continue with OCD which is so much worse.

Do you think you could maybe write down some of your obsessions to hand to your therapist or say something is bothering you that you find difficult to talk about. This will give the therapist the ability to ask you questions which might help you start a conversation about it.

[Maque]

It's too complicated to even come to terms about it. I can't help but deny, and lately I've realised that maybe I don't want to get better.

Every time I feel slightly better it's only because I'm less concentrated and it makes me feel dumb. Then, my self esteem is lower and I feel bad again.

[Gemma@OCDUK]

Hi Maque,

I know it feels really complicated but I definitely think these are feelings that not only will your therapist understand but will also have heard before. 

Why do you think feeling slightly better makes you feel dumb? 

[Maque]

Because I only feel better when I think less.

[Gemma@OCDUK]

Hi Maque

I understand. I know that some people with OCD worry they'll be less creative if they stop thinking so much, does that sound similar to how you're feeling? 

Have you thought about any of the benefits of thinking less? For example, you might have more time to relax or to do things you enjoy.

Try to remember that how much you think doesn't make you clever or not, and overcoming OCD isn't about getting rid of thoughts, rather it's about no longer having to do the compulsions that prevent us from living our lives how we choose.

Gemma