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Hi guys,

Just looking for some support and maybe someone to talk to regarding ERP. I’m going to tackle it properly and do it everyday. Apparently this is the only way I’m really going to gain acceptance of my intrusive thoughts. I’m trying so hard to be brave now as I take this on. Thanks for reading x

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So I did my first ERP there. I had to read an article about incest and abuse. My thoughts are around pocd type thoughts. I did get triggered in the reading of the article but I wonder where I got get some more triggering material for the ERP sessions. It’s so difficult doing this but I have to help myself get better ? Thanks anyone for reading x

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3 minutes ago, Imhotep said:

Hi,

ERP is hard, but trust me it gets easier the more you do. Also shows how worthless the thoughts are. It takes courage to even begin. Keep going! 

Hi Imhotep! Thanks for replying.

Yes I’m trying to tackle the ERP but I’m struggling to get the right material to make it as distressing as it needs to be. My Therapist said google abuse cases etc but I guess I want to do it as tough as it can be for myself. 

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As much as you hate writing that, I and others on the forum do not judge you for that. They are just thoughts. By being here and writing that down shows that these thoughts are not you or things you could have done. Treat it as OCD, and be kinder to yourself, where you are not the problem, but ypu have a problem you are tackling. 

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Guest dimmerswitch

Hi Nikki.

Imhotep is absolutely right. We don’t judge you. All you did was type some words and post them. They are just words. They are just thoughts. They mean absolutely nothing.  
As a fellow sufferer, if you don’t attach anything to a thought, your ocd usually moves on to the next one and this new obsession replaces the old one, but the core theme is exactly the same. Once we learn how to allow the thoughts to be there and not giving them the time of day, we train ourselves to realise it’s pointless attaching such anxiety to something which let’s face it is nothing.

Keep going Nikki. ?
 

 

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Thanks so much guys, thanks for holding my hand and being so kind. I made a decision yesterday to tackle my OCD with ERP every day and I am shaking coz even doing that seems to trigger other thoughts even the day after. 

Dimmerswitch I know what you mean about OCD attaching to one thing or the other but I’ve got stuck on the same one for months and months and when it decides to move off a bit, it comes back cos of fear of the thought so this is why my Therapist says I must face it in exposures. 

 

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To give you encouragement, I've been doing a lot of ERP today, and feel so much better for it. I let all my nasty horrific thoughts go pass without much attention, eventually my mind wandered on to more normal topics! But being aware not to engage in compulsions: interacting with the thought, questioning it, judging it, allowing any anxiety to pass. You can do it to ANY unpleasant thought as well. 

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3 hours ago, Imhotep said:

To give you encouragement, I've been doing a lot of ERP today, and feel so much better for it. I let all my nasty horrific thoughts go pass without much attention, eventually my mind wandered on to more normal topics! But being aware not to engage in compulsions: interacting with the thought, questioning it, judging it, allowing any anxiety to pass. You can do it to ANY unpleasant thought as well. 

You know I had to do this today when I really felt anxious as in I kept doing what I was doing and not engaging and some really stressful family struggles happened today and I still allowed myself to feel pretty much ok. 

Im just about to do the exposure session now. How long do you spend doing them Imhotep? And thanks for the encouragement.

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12 hours ago, Nikki79 said:

My intrusive thoughts are have I ever touched my own child inappropriately or sexually abused her etc and before I had her it used be about any other kids like nieces or nephews etc.

i have even hated writing that ? 

So if the above is the type of obsessions you get, what good would exposing yourself to words of other people being abusive? See what I mean?

The purpose of the E in ERP is to conjure up the thoughts/images that trouble you so. So you need to think about abusing kids. Even specific kids. One thought at a time, conjured up at least once a day, until doing so no longer raises your anxiety.

Then of course, each time you have to do the RP, or response prevention, which is all about not doing compulsions.

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1 minute ago, PolarBear said:

So if the above is the type of obsessions you get, what good would exposing yourself to words of other people being abusive? See what I mean?

The purpose of the E in ERP is to conjure up the thoughts/images that trouble you so. So you need to think about abusing kids. Even specific kids. One thought at a time, conjured up at least once a day, until doing so no longer raises your anxiety.

Then of course, each time you have to do the RP, or response prevention, which is all about not doing compulsions.

Hi PB, yes that’s the ultimate aim. So I have a hierarchy and I was told to start just reading an article about abuse and then I am to write out an imaginary description of me being the perpetrator and then make it worse again by detailing who I am doing it to. Therefore I will gradually make it more and more anxiety provoking. 

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4 hours ago, Nikki79 said:

You know I had to do this today when I really felt anxious as in I kept doing what I was doing and not engaging and some really stressful family struggles happened today and I still allowed myself to feel pretty much ok. 

Im just about to do the exposure session now. How long do you spend doing them Imhotep? And thanks for the encouragement.

Well I'm fortunate that I'm working from home, and wasn't too busy, so I was able to pump through a lot, like 2 hours worth. Granted, I have a headache now, but you definitely start to feel better from about 5 to 10 mins into it, you just got to ride out the false alarms your brain is sending you. 

Edited by Imhotep
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15 hours ago, Imhotep said:

Well I'm fortunate that I'm working from home, and wasn't too busy, so I was able to pump through a lot, like 2 hours worth. Granted, I have a headache now, but you definitely start to feel better from about 5 to 10 mins into it, you just got to ride out the false alarms your brain is sending you. 

That’s great! Well done you! I’m having a rather strange day. I’m adjusting to new meds and gradually increasing the dosage but now when thoughts bother me I get shaky and jittery which feels strange as I didn’t have that with the other meds. I plan on doing some ERP again tonight. 

Im having these horrible thoughts of guilt regarding my child that somehow I’ve harmed her even though I’m so anxious and scared of that ever happening but sort of that I may have incidentally done it. This makes me shake in itself. 

Edited by Nikki79
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Yes, you must soldier on. Unfortunately it is not a quick fix. But take the positives from each day, like "I had a clear head for 10 mins" etc. Speaking to my therapist, recovery is not a smooth slope. Also not to offer reassurance but knowing how you react to these thoughts indicates that you are extremely, extremely unlikely to have done what the thoughts say you've done. I'm dealing with a similar problem, so you're not alone. However, as distressing as the content is, it's just fluff in the brain, not to be investigated. 

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42 minutes ago, Imhotep said:

Yes, you must soldier on. Unfortunately it is not a quick fix. But take the positives from each day, like "I had a clear head for 10 mins" etc. Speaking to my therapist, recovery is not a smooth slope. Also not to offer reassurance but knowing how you react to these thoughts indicates that you are extremely, extremely unlikely to have done what the thoughts say you've done. I'm dealing with a similar problem, so you're not alone. However, as distressing as the content is, it's just fluff in the brain, not to be investigated. 

The temptation to ruminate can be so over powering when you have a thought that feels scary and want to look at to see what it is exactly.

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