I feel horrible over something I did

[bob54945]

Before i start I would like to say that you have all really helped my with my ocd so thank you!

Basically, today I decided to masturbate. I just felt like doing it but the problem is that my bedroom window is broken, it is open slightly but it lets a lot of noise in. There is sometimes the sound of kids playing outside so I decided to try and do it in another room but the only room that was free was my moms or my office (with pictures of family there and I felt weird doing it there. So I went to my room and listened to see if anyone was making noise outside and they weren’t so I started masturbating. About half way through I heard them playing and my heart sank. I thought ‘I can’t stop in the middle of this’ so I kept on going after I stopped hearing them but much faster as to get it over with I guess. I didn’t hear them anymore but as soon as I finished they where making noise again. I feel horrible about it, should I have stopped? I don’t know how to feel about what I did.

[hazydaze]

@bob54945 no, you didn't need to stop. You weren't purposefully masturbating to children. I've had obsessions like this too, where there has been an open window or the blinds were open, and even though no one could see anything inappropriate, my OCD told me I should have taken even better precautions. But that is just OCD for you. To be honest, typing this I'm looking back and my OCD is trying to bother me, telling me "Are you sure you didn't just sit there in front of an open window inappropriately visible and go for it?" Andddd this is OCD haha! Don't feel horrible! I know I didn't do anything wrong, OCD is lying. Just like you didn't do anything wrong, OCD is lying! Don't feel horrible. You're all good.

Best wishes!

Edited August 6, 2020 by hazydaze

[bob54945]

2 hours ago, hazydaze said:

@bob54945 no, you didn't need to stop. You weren't purposefully masturbating to children. I've had obsessions like this too, where there has been an open window or the blinds were open, and even though no one could see anything inappropriate, my OCD told me I should have taken even better precautions. But that is just OCD for you. To be honest, typing this I'm looking back and my OCD is trying to bother me, telling me "Are you sure you didn't just sit there in front of an open window inappropriately visible and go for it?" Andddd this is OCD haha! Don't feel horrible! I know I didn't do anything wrong, OCD is lying. Just like you didn't do anything wrong, OCD is lying! Don't feel horrible. You're all good.

Best wishes!

Thanks for the reply! I guess that is true. The only thing slightly worrying me is that I could hear what vaguely sounded like kids playing before I started, but after I heard them I listened again to see if they where really playing and they didn't make another sound so I started. I guess I was also horney at the time so my mind was a bit unfocused if you know what I mean. But anyway, thanks for your reply and thanks for sharing your expirence with me!

[hazydaze]

@bob54945 you're welcome!

I totally hear you, OCD is a trickster. You did nothing wrong though! I'll even get like that if I have a TV on in the background and a kid happens to show up in the show and I'm in an "romantic" situation, and think oh no cause I can either see or hear a kid, and it's like uhhh should I jump up and turn it off? I have, but it isn't necessary. Generally when we are in a heated moment we tend to ignore the other sounds and stuff anyway. We have OCD so that can make it a little tougher and then we doubt ourselves that we did something wrong because we noticed outside sounds or visuals, but there's no one I've ever been with romantically that felt it was necessary to make sure there wouldn't be a child showing up on the TV if we had the TV on. No one else even thinks about it. Same with the situation you described, anyone without OCD wouldn't have even thought about it. 

Hope you're feeling better!

[bob54945]

35 minutes ago, hazydaze said:

@bob54945 you're welcome!

I totally hear you, OCD is a trickster. You did nothing wrong though! I'll even get like that if I have a TV on in the background and a kid happens to show up in the show and I'm in an "romantic" situation, and think oh no cause I can either see or hear a kid, and it's like uhhh should I jump up and turn it off? I have, but it isn't necessary. Generally when we are in a heated moment we tend to ignore the other sounds and stuff anyway. We have OCD so that can make it a little tougher and then we doubt ourselves that we did something wrong because we noticed outside sounds or visuals, but there's no one I've ever been with romantically that felt it was necessary to make sure there wouldn't be a child showing up on the TV if we had the TV on. No one else even thinks about it. Same with the situation you described, anyone without OCD wouldn't have even thought about it. 

Hope you're feeling better!

Thanks for the teply! you've really helped! I honestly thought that this would turn into a huge worry of mine but now I'm feeling much better, I'm going on holiday next friday so I just want to be feeling okay when that comes around

[hazydaze]

47 minutes ago, bob54945 said:

Thanks for the teply! you've really helped! I honestly thought that this would turn into a huge worry of mine but now I'm feeling much better, I'm going on holiday next friday so I just want to be feeling okay when that comes around

I'm really happy to read that! and you are very welcome! Have fun on your holiday! If thoughts like this come up, just remind yourself that OCD is the king of liars and you can disregard it's bull****! You've got this!

Take care!

Edited August 6, 2020 by hazydaze

[bob54945]

Just now, hazydaze said:

I'm really happy to read that! and you are very welcome! Have fun on your holiday! If thoughts like this come up, just remind yourself that OCD is the king of liars and you can disregard it's bull****! You've got this!

Take care!

Thanks! You too

[hazydaze]

@bob54945 Thanks ! if it notified you I had edited after you responded I had just added like two words to a sentence then took it right back out as it wasn't needed hahaha, literally my OCD makes me edit things sometimes  The joys, am I right?! 
Just wanted to clarify though that I didn't say anything that you missed in case it notified you  

[bob54945]

13 minutes ago, hazydaze said:

@bob54945 Thanks ! if it notified you I had edited after you responded I had just added like two words to a sentence then took it right back out as it wasn't needed hahaha, literally my OCD makes me edit things sometimes  The joys, am I right?! 
Just wanted to clarify though that I didn't say anything that you missed in case it notified you  

No worries! It's fine!

[hazydaze]

12 minutes ago, bob54945 said:

No worries! It's fine!

Thank you!  

[Imhotep]

I've had this exact situation too, Bob. Not at the time, but I remember hearing kids outside whilst I was horny, and thought should I masturbate despite the noises? In the end I did, full well knowing my focus was on my girlfriend. At that point of my life, I wasn't OCD at all! So even without the ruminations and compulsions, I still had that question mark of acceptability. 

 

[bob54945]

2 hours ago, Imhotep said:

I've had this exact situation too, Bob. Not at the time, but I remember hearing kids outside whilst I was horny, and thought should I masturbate despite the noises? In the end I did, full well knowing my focus was on my girlfriend. At that point of my life, I wasn't OCD at all! So even without the ruminations and compulsions, I still had that question mark of acceptability. 

 

Thanks for the reply!