Feeling overwhelmed

[SeaBreeze]

Evening all, hope everyone is doing ok. I am struggling if I'm honest, so I hope you don't mind me all posting.

I am trying really hard with my care coordinator not to give in to my OCD compulsions. 

I end up cleaning for twelve hours to get rid of my guilt. I am doing acting opposite to my emotions, such as guilt, if it's warranted then apologise and try and repair relationship or if not warranted to do nice activities.

I feel pushed to my limits, lots of different situations have happened and I've snapped at people and am sleeping all day and my medication is so sedating, that I'm finding it really hard to try and get back on track with a sleep routine. I am also binge eating a lot.

I am trying to deal with the above concerns, but it's not easy. I feel gross.

The thing is, after having done my OCD compulsions, I have motivation to want to get up early and then after a few days that goes and I'm stuck in the vicious cycle again! 

I don't know what to do. I really don't want to give in to the compulsions, I am really aware now that it doesn't fix anything or make anything better, and spending twelve hours cleaning is really quite tiring, especially as I cannot eat or drink whilst doing the compulsions.

Others say to me twelve hours cleaning isn't a bad price to pay and is a good thing because cleaning everything means you have a clean home. I don't agree with this as I find my compulsions distressing. 

I don't know what to do. I know I can't seek reassurance and refuse to ask my parent's if I've upset them and that I'm not a bad person, am I? I refuse to ask people that. 

So I'm trying really difficult. I think I know what the answer is. Continue to not give in and the anxiety will subside?

When I wake up my anxiety for OCD is 10/10 and then as I get chores done until the end of the evening when I've eaten, tidied up, had a shower etc, my anxiety is only 5/10 for wanting to do the OCD compulsions. Will this anxiety lower over time? It seems to be a roller coaster at the moment, my anxiety for wanting to do the OCD compulsions, but the roller coaster never seems to get back down to the loading bay, if that makes sense?

Hope that's an ok analogy! 

Any thoughts welcome.

 

Thank you all! 

 

[hazydaze]

8 minutes ago, OnlyAlex said:

I think I know what the answer is. Continue to not give in and the anxiety will subside?

Correct  

8 minutes ago, OnlyAlex said:

Will this anxiety lower over time?

Also, correct!  

I'm sorry you are going through a difficult time. I am no stranger to odd sleep schedules and binge eating as well. One day at a time, try to alter your sleep schedule. You can do it by even just 5 minutes a day. Try getting some more exercise; I find I'm happier when I'm making an effort. Try to curb your cravings for junkier food with a glass of water - sounds silly, but after about 10 minutes you will likely find that your craving has subsided. 

Don't engage with your thoughts, and don't perform compulsions. The anxiety, while terrible, will not kill you. That being said, if you are letting yourself get to a 15 out of 10 anxiety level with exposures, that won't be that helpful. Put yourself in exposure-response-prevention (ERP) situations that have your anxiety at about an 8 out of 10. Stay in the situation until your anxiety is much more manageable, say a 2 or a 3. Eventually, that situation from the get-go will only spark a 2 out of 10 reaction, and you can move on to more difficult exposures. Repeat this process.

Best wishes!

[SeaBreeze]

10 hours ago, hazydaze said:

Correct  

Also, correct!  

I'm sorry you are going through a difficult time. I am no stranger to odd sleep schedules and binge eating as well. One day at a time, try to alter your sleep schedule. You can do it by even just 5 minutes a day. Try getting some more exercise; I find I'm happier when I'm making an effort. Try to curb your cravings for junkier food with a glass of water - sounds silly, but after about 10 minutes you will likely find that your craving has subsided. 

Don't engage with your thoughts, and don't perform compulsions. The anxiety, while terrible, will not kill you. That being said, if you are letting yourself get to a 15 out of 10 anxiety level with exposures, that won't be that helpful. Put yourself in exposure-response-prevention (ERP) situations that have your anxiety at about an 8 out of 10. Stay in the situation until your anxiety is much more manageable, say a 2 or a 3. Eventually, that situation from the get-go will only spark a 2 out of 10 reaction, and you can move on to more difficult exposures. Repeat this process.

Best wishes!

Hi,

Thank you so much for your lovely reply, that means a lot. My binge eating and sleeping schedule seems to be constantly 'odd'. Although last night I took half of my evening meds on instructions from my Mum who is a doctor and I still managed to sleep, but with less sedation in the morning, and managed to get out of bed at 7am, so that's a start! 

I think sleep and binge eating are both very aligned, for example waking up from sleep late afternoon and then binge eating because I'm still sedated and hungry from not having eaten all day, and without having to prepare anything, chocolate, sweets and crisps are easy to grab and I get instant satisfaction. Also I guess all the sugar in one big hit wouldn't help either?

Thank you, I will continue to not engage with the thoughts.

Thanks again and hope you have a lovely weekend! 

[SeaBreeze]

Really struggling today.