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I used to have an account here but can't get into it anymore as it's been a while and forgotten my password. (used to be leif). So starting from scratch...

I have contamination ocd which has been going ok for the most part but with covid around i have been having some additional issues which I need to start addressing.Basically need to start a special hierarchy just for the extra cleaning stuff that I've taken on which aren't considered necessary by professionals.I want to post about it here so I have some extra accountability for tackling it.

So here's some things I'm working on--

Shopping--currently for shopping I am wiping down all groceries when i get home, i change and shower, I wash the floor where i put the groceries down, I only go once a week so I don't have to do it too often, wash keys, phone and door handles. (this is besides normal precautions of wearing a mask, using hand sanitizer, keeping distance, all of which I will continue doing)

Goals for shopping are: first to stop changing and showering afterward. Go more frequently. No washing floors where I put groceries down. Eventually would like to get to where i also don't wash door handle, keys or phone (or is that necessary?--not sure)

Laundry--I have a shared laundry room in the house I rent at, so there are 3 of us sharing that. Currently after wiping down the machines with sanitizer before and after use (which i will continue doing) I am--washing at least first load with bleach, showering and changing after finishing laundry.

Laundry Goals--first to stop showering and changing after finishing laundry, second to stop using bleach on first load of laundry

I think that is enough for now. I hope to log in regularly to report on progress. Today I did a load of laundry and haven't taken shower afterward. So far discomfort levels are low--maybe around 20-30.

 

 

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Good for you LM!

I don't think it's necessary to wash the door handle or your keys; I think just wash your hands when you're finished.

I'm less certain about the phone.  If you don't use it when you're out, then it's fine to leave alone.  We haven't been wiping ours down after we go out.

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Thank you all so much for your support! It's really appreciated!

13 hours ago, UpsAndDowns said:

Good for you LM!

I don't think it's necessary to wash the door handle or your keys; I think just wash your hands when you're finished.

I'm less certain about the phone.  If you don't use it when you're out, then it's fine to leave alone.  We haven't been wiping ours down after we go out.

Thanks for the tips Upsand Downs--i actually don't even bring my phone shopping with me usually! It definitely is a ritual where i just like wiping everything down afterward so will definitely work on ending that.

Yesterday went well for not showering after laundry. The anxiety didn't go up but it did sort of hang around my mind so that was a good step to move on.

Garbage and Recycling

Yesterday I had a challenge come up I wasn't expecting where I had to bring the recycling bin in from the street after the recycling had been picked up. Usually my housemates do that but they hadn't yesterday. Usually if I have to handle the garbage or recycling bin, I need to shower and change afterward. So yesterday I skipped the shower and changing and just brought the bin in. Anxiety levels at about 30

This morning I had a small success too of doing a bit of gardening after taking the garbage out without showering first. Usually right after I handle the garbage I take a shower right away, otherwise i worry that I will imagine that everything I touched after that is 'contaminated' even if i have washed my hands. So right now my anxiety is around 20-30 for that one.

Hand washing

The other thing I am noticing that I will have to start focusing on is limiting time spent hand-washing. Right now it probably takes me about 2 minutes to wash my hands each time. I use a few rounds of soap each time doing it. So I will need to start trying to do just one round of soap and reducing the time to 30 seconds each time. For now my goal will be just to get it to one round of soap

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Thanks @UpsAndDowns :)

I had a bit of a slip up last night where I had to have an extra shower after encountering an incident that made me anxious. That is another one of my things that even when I don't touch anything, if things are just out of the ordinary and they make me anxious i have to shower and change. I did try to stop myself but in the end the ocd won out...i didn't throw the clothes i was wearing into the dirty hamper right away though and it would be good if I made myself wear those pants again before washing them...i will consider that one, but it may be too much right now.

i am having some success with the hand-washing--slowing it down to one round of soap and 30 seconds when the washing isn't following touching a more 'contaminated' surface, so that's a step. 

The posting here is helping me to remember to keep at it. Also it's good because when I re-read some of the exposures I've done, it brings up the anxiety about it again and gives me a chance to ride that out all over again without resorting to rituals.

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Yesterday did a few challenges that would have me normally showering and changing afterward. I'm always much better with facing the challenges when I know it's coming and I can take some time considering it rationally. I know this can only be a step and I need to work up to the unexpected triggers of day to day life without responding with rituals. I am hoping that at least encountering the expected without rituals it will make me more resilient to ocd's unexpected attacks.

Yesterday's triggers were clipping some bushes outside, handling a mop, and shoving a package aside with my feet, all of which can trigger feelings of contamination for me. Looking back it would have been much better and probably manageable to handle the package with my hands.  Next time.

Today i will be doing laundry so I will do that without showering afterward again, as well as continuing with reducing amount of time spent hand-washing.

 

 

 

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Thank you @Lollipop and @UpsAndDowns ! I really appreciate the support.

Yesterday was challenging. I encountered some unexpected triggers while doing laundry and my anxiety levels ended up going up to around 50. I kept on track pretty good despite it though, so was happy with the result. Didn't shower afterward which actually wasn't a challenge at all after encountering the other triggers which redirected my anxiety, but managed to keep all cleaning to a reasonable amount and carried on with my day.

Posting here is really helping to remind me to keep at it and not to resort to extra rituals.

Today's focus will be keeping the hand-washing to one round of soap each time.

 

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Your work inspired me to do an exposure of my own last week!  I have OCD symptoms surrounding perfectionism at work and possible distractions so my therapist recommended finding intentional distractions to raise my anxiety level.  So last week for part of my workday I listened to some distracting sounds/music I found online while working.  It was difficult but survivable ?

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5 hours ago, UpsAndDowns said:

Your work inspired me to do an exposure of my own last week!  I have OCD symptoms surrounding perfectionism at work and possible distractions so my therapist recommended finding intentional distractions to raise my anxiety level.  So last week for part of my workday I listened to some distracting sounds/music I found online while working.  It was difficult but survivable ?

That is so great to hear! Awesome work! It is so great to stay on track with continually challenging this stuff. Today I did laundry and I must say not taking a shower afterward was already not a challenge at all. It feels good to be free of that...still working on the hand washing and in the next couple of days I'll be shopping and will have to try to not shower after that. I feel that will be a big challenge...

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On 18/08/2020 at 20:18, UpsAndDowns said:

You'll be able to do it!

Well today was shopping day and I was just not able to not shower...i think it was too much of a leap...I couldn't cut back on any of the cleaning in the end--washed keys, phone, groceries, floor and then had my shower...maybe next time I will try to just choose one thing like not wiping down my phone or keys afterward.

I did manage to not shower after taking the garbage out yesterday. That was a first. It brought the anxiety levels up and I just kept riding it out. Also was able to wash some 'contaminated' clothing that I was tempted to just throw away....so still getting somewhere with all of this...

On 18/08/2020 at 20:18, UpsAndDowns said:

We just have to take it one day at a time ?

yes--one day at a time :) thanks for your support!

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On 20/08/2020 at 19:02, UpsAndDowns said:

Hi LM,

Perhaps that was too much, but that's ok.  Getting to recovery definitely isn't a straight line!  But good job with not showering after taking out the garbage!

Thanks UpsandDowns :)

Yes the not showering after taking the garbage out was a pretty good step and maybe a more reasonable one than not showering after shopping at this point. The anxiety did stick with me for a while, but in manageable amounts.

The hand-washing is continuing to improve. One thing that is helping there is I got a soap that is a little harder on my hands than my usual soap (that was only because they were out of stock on my usual one) But it's kind of helping me to make the choice to use less soap and just wash once properly rather than using 3 rounds of soap per washing.

Yesterday I managed to handle a container that felt slightly 'contaminated' to me and didn't shower afterward.

Baby steps!

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