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old fear has come back


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can ocd make you feel certain about something you really haven't worried about much for a long time? my ocd started off with a worry of pedophilia-incest and it focused on my then 10 year old sister, who is 13 now. so her body has developed a lot, she's a teen now and the pedophilia worry is far away but i can still be attracted to her, without her being a child anymore, but she's still my sister and it would be so wrong... so what happened was that she was lying on her chest and i looked at her butt, thought it looked very good (which i know is fine, we can just appreciate beauty) but i also really felt like that i /actually/ fancied what i was looking at and i stared at it for some seconds... and i was wondering if that could still be ocd after all this time worrying very little about this theme... like could it be true now? i feel so bad, i was actually encouraging her about something she's sad about and then i went and stared at her butt she didn't notice but... god :( 

Edited by lily17
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3 hours ago, Caramoole said:

So....what do you think Lily?

i looked at my mom's legs and i got the same sensation, i know i shouldn't compare because ocd can trick me into thinking anything but... yeah i basically reassured myself ?

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7 minutes ago, Caramoole said:

So what are you going to do to try & help you to get pulled back into these sort of compulsions?

first step: no ruminating. under any circumstances. then i'll try not to start any more topics and also don't confess to anyone (not even my mum)

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Spot on Lily :)

I know it's hard but this is all part of the change that we all have to really work hard on achieving.  The initial thought, the doubt, the apparent credibility & urgency will always feel real & compelling. Each time these thoughts bombard, they feel real.  They're not.  They're the same as before.  This time they still feel real but (at some base level) you know that they are caused by OCD....?you have to give it your all to work on that.  Resist that urge ruminate, to seek reassurance.  Take it on the chin, go with the blows....ride that spike of doubt & fear. Do something else (again, and again) until the moment recedes.  OCDt thoughts will always feel real & compelling.  Take that blow on the chin...know the cause (and you do) and do your very best to move beyond it.  You can do this ?

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