Nikki79 Posted August 27, 2020 Share Posted August 27, 2020 Hi guys. I sometimes seem to have dreams like what my OCD gives me during the day. The problem is I often wake up worried and having to try remember them or I’ll find myself ruminating even when I’m still in the half wake half sleep mode!! This happened this morning. I had some sort of sexual dream and I always worry about pocd and my toddler is in the next room. So I worry that I might get up in my sleep and abuse her somehow. I know it’s horrible but it’s just a bad start to a day when you are this worried!! Thanks for reading and sorry for the post but I’m just upset and need to share this x Link to comment
rebecca23x Posted August 27, 2020 Share Posted August 27, 2020 Hi there. i has this worry too but it was when I was taking mirtazapine. I Was worried that I was in such a deep sleep that I would take my children out and leave them somewhere and come home, it was horrific for me. But I overcome it eventually as I do what I always do and told my self it’s just a thought, And that it would pass eventually(it did). It’s all just ocd and I tend to think that if the question starts with “what if” it’s not worth thinking about Are you on any medication or receiving any therapy for your ocd? Link to comment
PolarBear Posted August 27, 2020 Share Posted August 27, 2020 Dreams mean nothing. Trying yo remember what your dream was about is what gets you into trouble. Leave it alone. Link to comment
Nikki79 Posted August 27, 2020 Author Share Posted August 27, 2020 7 hours ago, rebecca23x said: Hi there. i has this worry too but it was when I was taking mirtazapine. I Was worried that I was in such a deep sleep that I would take my children out and leave them somewhere and come home, it was horrific for me. But I overcome it eventually as I do what I always do and told my self it’s just a thought, And that it would pass eventually(it did). It’s all just ocd and I tend to think that if the question starts with “what if” it’s not worth thinking about Are you on any medication or receiving any therapy for your ocd? Hi Rebecca, I’m sorry you had to experience something similar. I am taking Anafranil now and seeing a therapist every few weeks. Link to comment
Nikki79 Posted August 27, 2020 Author Share Posted August 27, 2020 5 hours ago, PolarBear said: Dreams mean nothing. Trying yo remember what your dream was about is what gets you into trouble. Leave it alone. I’ve actually read a lot of your post talking about compulsions and PB I think there can be so many that we done realize we are doing. Link to comment
PolarBear Posted August 27, 2020 Share Posted August 27, 2020 Absolutely, Nikki. That's one thing a good therapist will do, help you figure out what your compulsions are so uou can work on stopping them. Link to comment
Nikki79 Posted August 27, 2020 Author Share Posted August 27, 2020 With my current therapist it’s all ERP and dealing with thoughts ( which includes not ruminating): She didn’t go into the compulsions. I only learned about that here. Link to comment
PolarBear Posted August 28, 2020 Share Posted August 28, 2020 Well, the RP in ERP stands for response prevention, which means not doing compulsions. How can you practice not doing compulsions if you are not aware of which ones you do? Link to comment
Nikki79 Posted August 28, 2020 Author Share Posted August 28, 2020 8 hours ago, PolarBear said: Well, the RP in ERP stands for response prevention, which means not doing compulsions. How can you practice not doing compulsions if you are not aware of which ones you do? It’s true. I think I must have a ton of them. Link to comment
Guest dimmerswitch Posted September 1, 2020 Share Posted September 1, 2020 Maybe worth a try? Write down all of your intrusive thoughts where you think you will act upon. Read the list the next day and tick off how many you did. I’m not an expert, but I bet the answer will be 0. Don’t turn this into a compulsion though. Just try it to prove all the things we worry about today will not have happened by tomorrow. It’s difficult Nikki when our anxiety is at its most extreme, but one of many ways to actually show just how pointless (really) intrusive thoughts are. Link to comment
Nikki79 Posted September 1, 2020 Author Share Posted September 1, 2020 Thanks for your reply dimmerswitch. The thing that is annoying about my OCD though is that it’s all about ‘did I do something in the past?’ Rather than the future like most other people’s OCD. So with that in my mind I’m not sure how I would implement what you said. Link to comment
Laura86 Posted September 1, 2020 Share Posted September 1, 2020 Hi Nikki I've had this before also but your dreams can very easily mirror the thoughts you have been milling over in the day. As POCD is prevalent for me too I understand how truly awful it is. I have been so caught up that I have been scared to go to sleep, I had compulsions I didnt even know I was doing, such as falling asleep with my hands over the cover rather than under it just to ensure I don't touch myself if I had a dream. As PB says don't mill over it, I know it is hard as I am still struggling with this but know you aren't alone Link to comment
Nikki79 Posted September 1, 2020 Author Share Posted September 1, 2020 Thanks Laura. I have identified lots of stuff really and all safety behaviours it seems. I’m now just trying to not do them. For example I had to sit away from my daughter in case I was near her and maybe touched off her or something like that and it was wrong and couldn’t remember. Now I let her jump all over me Link to comment
Laura86 Posted September 1, 2020 Share Posted September 1, 2020 Good job Nikki! I can imagine just how difficult it is but you are doing the right thing!! Keep going Link to comment
Guest dimmerswitch Posted September 1, 2020 Share Posted September 1, 2020 Hi Nikki. It’s all the same ocd. Still write it down as the Police will be at your door this time tomorrow as you have done these awful things. Tomorrow, check against the list and also make a note of how many visits from the Police you’ve had? Its ocd Nikki. No matter which way we twist it, it’s ocd. It’s us making something of nothing. Link to comment
Nikki79 Posted September 1, 2020 Author Share Posted September 1, 2020 1 hour ago, dimmerswitch said: Hi Nikki. It’s all the same ocd. Still write it down as the Police will be at your door this time tomorrow as you have done these awful things. Tomorrow, check against the list and also make a note of how many visits from the Police you’ve had? Its ocd Nikki. No matter which way we twist it, it’s ocd. It’s us making something of nothing. Thanks dimmerswitch. I cancelled a therapy session on a bit of short notice today as I wasn’t feeling well and my therapist came across quite annoyed at me. I feel bad but then I think she could have been more understanding as I genuinely felt unwell and wanted to go but was too sick to drive. I’m also thinking some of the neat advice I’ve got here is worth you guys. Polarbear, Snowbear to name just a few. I’m starting to think of things she should be doing with me that have been suggested here and I’ve thought why hasn’t she for example made me lit out my compulsions or why can’t she provide me with the material for the exposure therapy. I find it incredibly difficult to try make up myself. Link to comment
Nikki79 Posted September 1, 2020 Author Share Posted September 1, 2020 1 hour ago, Laura86 said: Good job Nikki! I can imagine just how difficult it is but you are doing the right thing!! Keep going Thanks Laura I’m kind of licking my wounds after my therapist seemed very annoyed I cancelled our session today. Oops. Link to comment
hazydaze Posted September 1, 2020 Share Posted September 1, 2020 (edited) I've totally had that fear @Nikki79 !! About doing something horrible to someone, like a child, while I'm asleep. But yes, all OCD fears I'm sorry with how your therapist reacted about you cancelling your appointment today... that's super uncalled for. Especially when there's a pandemic and you're supposed to be staying home if you're feeling ill. Super rude of your therapist. That actually hits a nerve with me. You did nothing wrong by cancelling. I've had a **** therapist before, I went to her for false memory OCD and she made me feel worse. She was not helpful. $200 for 50 mins for someone to make me feel worse and use bull**** hocus pocus methods on me. I stopped going after she introduced EMDR. I was shocked and horrified. Like, I have no training and fully feel I can help someone with OCD better than she can lol. I guess that's why your case hits such a nerve with me, cause been there!! Good on you for seeking help, it's extremely disappointing when people who are supposed to be helping us are actually kind of clueless. The fact your therapist hasn't mentioned compulsions is a huge red flag to me. I'd recommend switching therapists, but that's just me. Do whatever feels right to help you get better Hope you're having a good day and telling your OCD to take a hike!! best wishes Edited September 1, 2020 by hazydaze Link to comment
Nikki79 Posted September 1, 2020 Author Share Posted September 1, 2020 59 minutes ago, hazydaze said: I've totally had that fear @Nikki79 !! About doing something horrible to someone, like a child, while I'm asleep. But yes, all OCD fears I'm sorry with how your therapist reacted about you cancelling your appointment today... that's super uncalled for. Especially when there's a pandemic and you're supposed to be staying home if you're feeling ill. Super rude of your therapist. That actually hits a nerve with me. You did nothing wrong by cancelling. I've had a **** therapist before, I went to her for false memory OCD and she made me feel worse. She was not helpful. $200 for 50 mins for someone to make me feel worse and use bull**** hocus pocus methods on me. I stopped going after she introduced EMDR. I was shocked and horrified. Like, I have no training and fully feel I can help someone with OCD better than she can lol. I guess that's why your case hits such a nerve with me, cause been there!! Good on you for seeking help, it's extremely disappointing when people who are supposed to be helping us are actually kind of clueless. The fact your therapist hasn't mentioned compulsions is a huge red flag to me. I'd recommend switching therapists, but that's just me. Do whatever feels right to help you get better Hope you're having a good day and telling your OCD to take a hike!! best wishes Thanks Hazydaze I guess the Therapist was annoyed cos other people could have taken mu spot. That’s a good as what she said to me. I do think I’ve had some succeas with her and she has thought me some coping techniques. Where I am I feel it’s really hard to get good therapists and starting new ones is hard isn’t it? Starting all over. I do feel it was rude of me to cancel so late but I was also panicky and anxious aswell as under the weather. She just came across very short in the text she replied to me. And then followed it with what felt like a scolding: Link to comment
Laura86 Posted September 1, 2020 Share Posted September 1, 2020 Bless you, I understand its difficult for therapists when clients cancel however I think sometimes they have to take into account we are suffering....I have had to cancel therapy appointments before because of illness or I was just not wanting to get into it because I felt I needed to avoid it (ironic huh?) Try to be easy on yourself, your only human. Is your therapy through the NHS or private? Link to comment
Nikki79 Posted September 1, 2020 Author Share Posted September 1, 2020 17 minutes ago, Laura86 said: Bless you, I understand its difficult for therapists when clients cancel however I think sometimes they have to take into account we are suffering....I have had to cancel therapy appointments before because of illness or I was just not wanting to get into it because I felt I needed to avoid it (ironic huh?) Try to be easy on yourself, your only human. Is your therapy through the NHS or private? Yes I had thought she was being a little mean aswell as the text I wrote to her was two hours in advance and I was anxious. I thought with therapists they would be more understanding. Link to comment
hazydaze Posted September 1, 2020 Share Posted September 1, 2020 1 hour ago, Nikki79 said: Thanks Hazydaze I guess the Therapist was annoyed cos other people could have taken mu spot. That’s a good as what she said to me. I do think I’ve had some succeas with her and she has thought me some coping techniques. Where I am I feel it’s really hard to get good therapists and starting new ones is hard isn’t it? Starting all over. I do feel it was rude of me to cancel so late but I was also panicky and anxious aswell as under the weather. She just came across very short in the text she replied to me. And then followed it with what felt like a scolding: I'm glad that she has at least helped you somewhat. It is totally hard to start over, absolutely. What's it like in the UK, is therapy really expensive like it is in Canada?? I also find it's pretty easy to find therapists here, but not necessarily good ones. Though I know of a few I understand that she could have filled the spot but she had no right to make you feel badly over that. She chose a profession where she is dealing with clients with intense anxiety, she shouldn't be hard on them when they can't make an appointment, like how is that productive. Especially with what they get paid... like cry me a river, losing one appointment lol. Sorry haha it really makes me mad that she basically scolded you. Super unprofessional. Hope whatever illness you are feeling goes away asap by the way! Link to comment
Nikki79 Posted September 1, 2020 Author Share Posted September 1, 2020 Thanks Hazydaze and yes us OCDers tend to have a huge chunk of guilt and blame ourselves so easy anyway. I don’t think I’ll go back to her. I live in Ireland but up until last year I lived in Canada for 4 years. It was amazing. I saw a therapist in Toronto and she was the best I’ve had yet tbh. Link to comment
Guest dimmerswitch Posted September 2, 2020 Share Posted September 2, 2020 12 hours ago, Nikki79 said: Thanks dimmerswitch. I cancelled a therapy session on a bit of short notice today as I wasn’t feeling well and my therapist came across quite annoyed at me. I feel bad but then I think she could have been more understanding as I genuinely felt unwell and wanted to go but was too sick to drive. I’m also thinking some of the neat advice I’ve got here is worth you guys. Polarbear, Snowbear to name just a few. I’m starting to think of things she should be doing with me that have been suggested here and I’ve thought why hasn’t she for example made me lit out my compulsions or why can’t she provide me with the material for the exposure therapy. I find it incredibly difficult to try make up myself. I hope you feel better soon. Link to comment
Nikki79 Posted September 2, 2020 Author Share Posted September 2, 2020 Thanks guys thanks don’t supporting me yesterday. I wish to get aloofness grip on my OCD if only just to help other people with this horrible disease. I wish everyone on this forum a peaceful and pleasant day x Link to comment
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