Obsessive thoughts I’m an alcoholic...

[Nirvana_29]

Hi, 

This might be a weird one so bare with me. For the past year, I’ve convinced myself I’m an alcoholic. I drink every other weekend, yes I do get drunk, but sometimes I don’t. As soon as I have a drink I start panicking thinking oh my god I’m an alcoholic, then I start to seek reassurance off my friends they also enjoy getting drunk or sometimes can’t just stop at one. Obviously whenever I say to my friends I think I’m an alcoholic they laugh and tell me I’m not. I take multiple online tests everyday and I obsess over thinking I’m an alcoholic, so that in turn makes me think about alcohol more, therefore confirming my fears. I panic constantly that I’m going to loose my children if I have a wine. I’ve forgetten parts of my night here and there drunk, so therefore I get back into the cycle of thinking I’m an alcoholic. 
 

My OCD has led me to even attend AA meetings where it’s almost made my OCD go even more wild convincing me this is it I’m an alcoholic in denial.  Part of me knows it’s my OCD and I’m just a usual 20 something year old, and maybe my compulsive binge drinking is because I’m telling myself I’m that (if that makes any sense) The thought of being an alcoholic fills me with fear. I think it stems from my mums dad being an alcoholic and he died from cancer young, I worry that I’m just going to end up like that if I like wine and the fact I binge drink at times. 

Even posting this my OCD is firing off and is telling me everything I’ve put means I’m an alcoholic and because I’m writing this I’m obsessed and need to never drink again. 
 

 

[PolarBear]

Hi Nirvana.

Sounds like OCD to me. Your compulsions are easy to pick out, including repeatedly taking online tests and reassurance seeking. 

You may need some CBT help. In the meantime, try to chill on your compulsions. They haven't done any good so far, more of them is going to give you the same result.

[Nirvana_29]

Thank you, I know I need to. It's just so hard though it's like I NEED to know if I am, I don't know what difference it would make, but I've convinced myself I am and got myself in to a state of panic. I'm doing the usual - but I've refused wine on a night out then another intrusion kicks in. I probably shouldn't of went to an AA meeting as they've convinced me that that's it I am and need to give up because I binge drink, they've put it in to my head I'll die, loose my children and never be happy if I don't get sober. Obviously now I keep getting intrusions like ' I need a drink' followed by panic then telling myself I'm in denial. 

[hazydaze]

OCD. I spent my years from when I was 16 to 23 being a full-fledged alcoholic. Trust me, you would know if you were. Alcoholics lie to themselves for sure, but whether they admit it or not, they know it.

On 03/09/2020 at 10:23, Nirvana_29 said:

It's just so hard though it's like I NEED to know if I am,

That right there is OCD. 100%. Your whole post is, but I could tell from even that one line, it is crystal clear - OCD.

Edited September 4, 2020 by hazydaze

[Slowcoach]

I think maybe it's made harder by cultural things. They way we drink in the UK, especially when young, is probably seen as excessive in some cultures. So AA could say you're an alcoholic but I wouldn't say you sound like it. I've had an alcoholic in my family, and you definitely don't fit that description, I've also heard of 'almost alcoholics' who drink a bit too much each week to relax (glass of wine or two each evening), I've been there, but currently getting on top of it.

I would say seek treatment for OCD, not drinking, you're still young, don't let it mess your future up!! Be aware it can change to a new theme. But get treatment, don't let it go, find somebody who can help you.

As a 40 year old now, I'd advise against heavy binge drinking, although when I was in my 20s I did it like everyone else! I've seen people get hurt because of stupid things they did in that state. Just enjoy a few drinks and if people pressure you to do more, just - don't! It may also make your OCD worse the next few days. Booze and mental health issues are never a good combination. 

Can you maybe treat your drinking and OCD separately? Decide what is a reasonable amount to drink for you - everybody kind of sets their own limits. There's no harm in being concerned about drinking a bit too much in a non-OCD way. It's totally cool to drink nothing at all, or drink the amount the Government sets as recommended, or drink more but be aware of it, take time off drinking and so on. But do it because you think that works for you, not because of an obsession.

[Handy]

Alcohol causes Alcohol Anxiety.  It changes your serotonin so you obsess more which is what you are doing....

[dksea]

48 minutes ago, Handy said:

Alcohol causes Alcohol Anxiety.  It changes your serotonin so you obsess more which is what you are doing....

Or, you know, he has OCD.  Not everyone who drinks experiences this "alcohol anxiety" or obsesses.  But people with OCD do regardless of whether or not they drink (I don't drink at all, still have OCD).  
Drinking alcohol, especially too excess can certainly cause more problems in OCD sufferers (and non-sufferers of course), but the issue here is more about OCD than the alcohol.

[DC82]

On 03/09/2020 at 06:17, Nirvana_29 said:

I drink every other weekend, yes I do get drunk, but sometimes I don’t.

 @Handy makes an important point. He does not say that the root of the problem is not OCD (which it may or may not be - you would need to be assessed by a medical professional). He states that drinking might cause you to obsess ‘more’. 

According to Healthline “Alcohol changes levels of serotonin and other neurotransmitters in the brain, which can worsen anxiety. In fact, you may feel more anxious after the alcohol wears off. Alcohol-induced anxiety can last for several hours, or even for an entire day after drinking”. 

@Nirvana_29 You could explain your problems to your doctor or therapist. They can assess whether you have OCD, and if you do, they might suggest CBT. 

But, I think it’s clear that an attempt to address OCD (if that’s what you have been diagnosed with) could be slowed down if you’re drinking alcohol. Higher levels of anxiety probably aren’t going to help. WebMD states that “even moderate drinking [of alcohol] can exacerbate anxiety after a few hours“.

Edited September 8, 2020 by DC82