What if questions

[Emmaloowho]

Why do we insist on tormenting our selves with what if questions and scenarios?  It’s so easy to get pulled into the need to solve or feel sure about what the answer would be. I hate it. I am really trying not to entertain these thoughts, but it pulls at me.  What if I am home alone with my son?  Will I do something inappropriate?  Why don’t I make up a scenario and see how I would react?  It’s so frustrating.  I HATE what if. I have live almost my whole life worried about various what ifs. Do I just need to actively try to not engage and answer these thoughts, no matter how important they seem?

[AmandaG]

Not giving OCD thoughts the pleasure of getting too much of a reaction out of you, is one way I like to look at it  They're like bullies.

As for why, maybe people with OCD thinking are just natural troublemshooters, analysts and problem solvers. We can't stand unresolved issues.

[Emmaloowho]

@AmandaG  This is BY FAR my biggest compulsion. Feeding into the what if and then testing myself or creating scenarios. I really need to work on it!  Thanks for your input!

[dksea]

1 hour ago, Emmaloowho said:

Why do we insist on tormenting our selves with what if questions and scenarios?  It’s so easy to get pulled into the need to solve or feel sure about what the answer would be. I hate it. I am really trying not to entertain these thoughts, but it pulls at me.

OCD causes us to feel doubt and uncertainty when we shouldn’t, when we have enough information to move on. It prevents that switch from getting flipped in our brain that says “all clear” for certain thoughts. As a result various things happen.

One is we seek to “solve” the problem to get the all clear, such as by checking or ruminating. I think this is also where the “what if’s” come in. If we felt ok we’d move on. But we don’t, so there must still be a problem, the what if’s are us looking deeper for the problem, that if we recognize we can resolve and feel alright. But we continue to feel doubt so we continue to come up with what ifs. 

Another is to engage in loosely  connected or unconnected behaviors that will give us the “ok” sensation we are missing, such as  lining things up, counting things, etc.

All of it is our brain trying to resolve the distress.

1 hour ago, Emmaloowho said:

Do I just need to actively try to not engage and answer these thoughts, no matter how important they seem?

Basically yes.  You need to retrain your brain to not over react to these intrusive thoughts.  Even if the outcome of the thought being real might seem very important, that doesn’t mean the situation itself really is, even if we FEEL that way.  Consider, if an asteroid were hurtling towards the earth, that would be a VERY important problem.  But just because you can think about that problem doesn’t mean it’s more likely to happen.  You can think about almost anything, but that doesn’t make it a real threat.  Having a thought ABOUT something doesn’t mean wanting to do it. After all, consider that murder mystery writers like Agatha Christie or Stephen King have to think about all those deaths in their books. If they wanted to do what they thought about, there would be a LOT of murder victims of book writers!

So while IF your worst fears were true it would be a bad thing that doesn’t mean they are LIKELY to be true.  You don’t have to eliminate all doubt that a bad thing could happen. No matter how hard you tried you couldn’t eliminate all doubt anyway.  OCD sufferers have a harder time moving on from some doubt, which sucks, but with practice and patience you can learn to do it, and the more you do the more easy and automatic it becomes.  Hang in there!

 

 

 

[Emmaloowho]

55 minutes ago, dksea said:

So while IF your worst fears were true it would be a bad thing that doesn’t mean they are LIKELY to be true.  You don’t have to eliminate all doubt that a bad thing could happen. No matter how hard you tried you couldn’t eliminate all doubt anyway.  OCD sufferers have a harder time moving on from some doubt, which sucks, but with practice and patience you can learn to do it, and the more you do the more easy and automatic it becomes.  Hang in there!

 

This makes so much sense logically. It’s just in the moment, it almost feels irresponsible not to work it out or engage with the what if thoughts. I know what I need to work on. I appreciate the response!