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Coincidences ruining me.


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I need some help about something, sorry it is me again.

As some of you know my OCD focuses on being punished by God for past events. I recently gave up studying Korean and Japanese because of this. Anyway, I have recently had an UNCANNY amount of coincidences. Maybe about 5 a day. Crazy coincidences. Is this a sign from God that I am doing what he wants by not studying?

Some coincidences from toda:

-I saw someone called Nina on a Facebook meme (not  a common name) 2 minutes later it was mentioned on the TV.

-I said 'Tesco' the same time as the woman on the radio.

-I was talking to my friend on the phone - we spoke about 'Helena Bonham Carter, Fanta, Twilight...then I saw all three mentioned (2 on facebook and one on tv) after the phone call.

-I was thinking about a man who hadn't booked my online classes for a few months (I'm a teacher) then suddenly he got in touch.

 

What on earth is going on???

 Is it signs I should give up what I want?

Mark

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13 minutes ago, iamwesker said:

I need some help about something, sorry it is me again.

As some of you know my OCD focuses on being punished by God for past events. I recently gave up studying Korean and Japanese because of this. Anyway, I have recently had an UNCANNY amount of coincidences. Maybe about 5 a day. Crazy coincidences. Is this a sign from God that I am doing what he wants by not studying?

Some coincidences from toda:

-I saw someone called Nina on a Facebook meme (not  a common name) 2 minutes later it was mentioned on the TV.

-I said 'Tesco' the same time as the woman on the radio.

-I was talking to my friend on the phone - we spoke about 'Helena Bonham Carter, Fanta, Twilight...then I saw all three mentioned (2 on facebook and one on tv) after the phone call.

-I was thinking about a man who hadn't booked my online classes for a few months (I'm a teacher) then suddenly he got in touch.

 

What on earth is going on???

 Is it signs I should give up what I want?

Mark

Utter nonsense. Sorry. ??‍♂️ As a statistician,  I would expect coincidences. You don’t talk about all the times things don’t match up....? Which is most of the time! It’s your focus that’s the problem.

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5 hours ago, iamwesker said:

What on earth is going on???

 Is it signs I should give up what I want?

Nope, its a sign you are a human being :)

The problem with "coincidences" like that is we humans are very very bad at keeping things in perspective.  For example:

"
I saw someone called Nina on a Facebook meme (not  a common name) 2 minutes later it was mentioned on the TV."

How about all the times you saw some name mentioned in a Facebook name or elsewhere and it WASNT mentioned on TV? 
The problem is that while coincidences DO happen, it doesn't mean they are happening more often than they should.  We tend to notice the times they happen more than the times they don't because when they don't its not particularly noteworthy.  Our brains are inclined to notice "interesting" things and ignore "boring" ones.  So we exaggerate the importance of the interesting times and downplay the boring things.  

Additionally, if you are thinking about something/keyed in on something you are inclined to notice it more anyway.  This is called the Baader-Meinhoff phenomenon.  A common example occurs when people buy a new car.  Suddenly they seem to notice that car more often in public.  Did their purchase suddenly trigger a rush on people buying the same car?  No of course not, what changed is that type of car suddenly became significant to them.  The cars were already there, its just that before they didn't care.

Right now, you are worried about "coincidences" and "signs", that means you are going to be LOOKING for things that you can interpret as coincidences and signs.  You are not being an objective observer, you're allowing your mind to influence the results of your observations.  Its perfectly normal, we all do it.  Unfortunately with OCD it can exacerbate our anxiety.  You need to choose to try and stop focusing on these "coincidences" and accept what we, outside observers, are telling you:  they aren't special, they don't particularly matter.  Your fear is just a fear, you can let it go.

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6 hours ago, iamwesker said:

I recently gave up studying Korean and Japanese because of this.

You have posted about this before.

I think you would be helping yourself if you visit your doctor and explain your situation. 

Don’t be afraid to learn Korean and Japanese. There is zero evidence to support your fears about being punished by a God for learning a language. 

Edited by DC82
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13 minutes ago, iamwesker said:

Thank you guys as usual for the replies.

 

I'm working so hard on getting improvement and getting better. I just need to ignore the coincidences now and say they are not a sign from God? Right?

I think that sounds sensible. We can all find coincidences if we look for them. I do not think they are messages from a God. You could also chat with your GP about your situation. 

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  • 3 weeks later...

Hey guys!

So thanks to all of your help I feel am getting a lot better. I've even bought a new textbook and been studying!
Unfortunately had a little blip today. Just need to know whether it's ocd or not just to move on. So as you know guys know I am obsessed with coincidences being warnings from God. So today I was driving to Tesco thinking about the old house I used to live in, imagining how nice it would be if i still lived there. Anyway, as soon as I  got to Tesco, my old next door neighbour FROM THAT HOUSE was outside Tesco!. Coincidence or warning from God? Please give me your take.

 

Thanks again guys for everything.

 

Wesker

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Nope. Not going to give you my take. Sorry.

You came here with some examples and we told you what we think. Now you're back with another example,  looking for our opinions again. What you're really doing is seeking reassurance. 

That's a compulsion. If you don't cut it off now, it will blossom and you'll be here seeking reassurance all the time.

 

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I think you already know the answer.

David Hume states (Enquiries p. 115ff) that “no testimony is sufficient to establish a miracle, unless the testimony be of such a kind, that its falsehood would be more miraculous, than the fact, which it endeavors to establish”. 

What’s more likely?
A (very possible) mundane coincidence, or the laws of science have been broken? 

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  • 2 weeks later...

Hi, me again. This will be the last time I promise. I just need one more piece of advice.

 

I woke up this morning feeling strong. Today was going to be Day 1 of fighting and defeating my OCD. However, I have had a very strange new coincidence that might be a sign from God that I shouldn't be fighting OCD. Long story short; I've been watching Waterloo Road on BBC Iplayer and my favourite character has the second name 'Fry'' anyway...This morning, day 1 of my new challenge, I went on a newspaper website. The first (and only article) I clicked-  the subject of the article was someone with the same surname - Fry. 

Is this just a harmful coincidence - a possible coincidence??? Or is it a sign from God that I shouldnt begin this journey of fighting.

 

Please let me know the honest truth before I embark on my new fighting.

 

Wesker

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Read my previous post, further up. I'm still not going there.

This is now the third time you've come with an example, asking if we think it's some message from god.

Have we told you before there is a possibility of such a message? So what's the probability we'll say so now?

The only thing holding you back is you.

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21 hours ago, iamwesker said:

Is this just a harmful coincidence - a possible coincidence??? Or is it a sign from God that I shouldnt begin this journey of fighting.

I'll remind you of the rule of thumb I gave up above:

If you think it might be OCD, it probably is.

And a corollary:

If you think it might be a coincidence, it probably is.

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Thanks so much for the replies and I totally understand what you are saying. But today I dreamt about someone I haven't seen in over 15 years, I went to school with them. Particularly rare surname. then as soon as I woke up, I saw that surname when I went on a celebrity's wikipedia - she was married to someone with that rare name. You can't tell me that is just normal coincidence, nothing to fear??

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On 20/10/2020 at 16:55, iamwesker said:

I totally understand what you are saying. But...

Sorry, there is no but :)  "But" is just OCD getting to you again.

 

Quote

But today I dreamt about someone I haven't seen in over 15 years, I went to school with them. Particularly rare surname. then as soon as I woke up, I saw that surname when I went on a celebrity's wikipedia - she was married to someone with that rare name. You can't tell me that is just normal coincidence, nothing to fear??

Sure I can.  First, you noticed it because it was an interesting situation.  All sorts of situations and "coincidences' happen around you all the time but you just don't notice them because they aren't particularly interesting.  Our brains are designed to notice interesting things (like a crow with a shiny object).  But just because we notice an interesting thing doesn't mean it has any deeper meaning. It doesn't mean God is "speaking to us" or anything like that.  Its simply a thing we noticed, no more, no less.

Besides which, so what if you saw the name of someone in a dream and then in real life.  Why is that a reason to fear?  Even if one ascribed to the belief that these "coincidences" somehow had meaning, why is it you assume they are always negative?  Wouldn't it stand to reason there would be positive messages and neutral messages too?

So situations you think are meaningful are almost certainly not, but even if they are, it doesn't mean they are bad, or really bad, or really really bad.  You are allowing the OCD to run away with your thoughts, to carry you down the deepest darkest path.  I understand that situation, I've been IN that situation with OCD too, almost all of us have I'd bet.  But that doesn't mean its the right way to behave or the right thing to believe.

You have a choice to make, and it won't always be an easy one, but it is what it is.  
You can choose to continue believing these "coincidences" have some deeper meaning, and allow them to control your life.  Based on what you've talked about so far, safe to say that life isn't a very pleasant one.
OR you can choose to reject them, choose to accept that this is likely OCD, and if you stop playing by these crazy rules, you will get back control of your life.  While your life be perfect?  Probably not, none of ours are.  But your life will almost certainly be better than being controlled by OCD and "coincidences".  Take my advice, take PB's advice.  Choose the second path.  Choose to stop letting the coincidences run your life.

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Hi iamwesker,

I hope you're okay. I can really relate to the 'fear that God is warning me to/not to' thing, despite the fact I'm agnostic (undecided about whether God exists or not!). 

Coincidences happen all the time but you notice them more if you're looking for them. I had a breast cancer scare with a two-week cancer pathway referral two years ago and literally everything that I saw in the 2-week wait for my appointment was about cancer. Of course they were just coincidences and I didn't have cancer but it felt like God/the Universe was telling me something at the time! 

All of the things you mention sound like absolute coincidences but even if something happened that seemed like it couldn't possibly be a coincidence then it's a huge jump of logic to assume that it's God warning you! Also why would seeing the same name as you had thought about earlier, equate to God telling you not to learn a language? It stinks of OCD (I say that as someone with similar OCD thoughts!). 

 

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All of you I want to say thank you from the bottom of my heart for your support.

I've decided that between the hours of 9am-5pm, there will be no rumination and no obeying these 'confidences and warnings'. 

Today I STUDIED JAPANESE!!! I did it!!! 

 

Thank you again for everything and I owe it to your support to continue to fight. I hope you are all doing okay too

 

Wesker

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12 hours ago, iamwesker said:

All of you I want to say thank you from the bottom of my heart for your support.

I've decided that between the hours of 9am-5pm, there will be no rumination and no obeying these 'confidences and warnings'. 

Today I STUDIED JAPANESE!!! I did it!!! 

 

Thank you again for everything and I owe it to your support to continue to fight. I hope you are all doing okay too

 

Wesker

Amazing work! that's brilliant. 

Show OCD who's boss. 

Also that's pretty cool that you're learning Japanese! I'm learning Scottish Gaelic, which is less cool but still fun!

Edited by BelAnna
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Hi Wesker,

Sorry to read you are struggling with your OCD at the moment.

It's great that you are up for showing OCD who is boss and doing something about it, however, I would be a little wary of setting yourself the target of no rumination/obeying the 'warnings' between certain hours. I am apprehensive for two reasons:

- You don't want to set yourself such a big goal that you can't achieve it, as this may shatter your motivation, and

- By 'not allowing' yourself to have those thoughts between 9am and 5pm may actually draw your attention to them more and cause you more anxiety. Have you heard of the 'don't think of a pink elephant' exercise? The more you try NOT to think of the pink elephant, the more attention you give it and the more you think about it. Well, by saying 'I will not think of my thoughts' does the same thing.

On a similar theme, it may be useful to acknowledge that you will always find 'coincidences' if you go looking for them. You may not realise it, and you may not do it 'deliberately', but it sounds like you may be 'hyper vigilent' to 'coincidences'... seeing them when most people wouldn't even notice them. The trouble is is that your OCD then attaches some meaning to them, and hey bingo, you are in the OCD cycle of obsessions and compulsions... whooops!

I think you have identified your obsession... it would be good if you could try to identify it.

What would be useful then is to try to make a list, or a 'vicious flower' of your compulsions... the things you do to ease your anxiety when you get an obsession.

I suspect that one of your compulsions may be seeking reassurance (on here, from family or friends etc), for example.

Once you know what your compulsions are, we can be imaginative about what we can do about them and help you move forwards.

Hope this helps, and stay positive - you will beat your OCD!

Catherine 

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15 hours ago, BelAnna said:

Also that's pretty cool that you're learning Japanese! I'm learning Scottish Gaelic, which is less cool but still fun!

I don't know if its more or less cool, but its probably less difficult ? OMG Japanese is hard ? (But cool!)

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Thanks again guys. I've been doing Japanese the last few days! So I have been fighting.

However, had a knock again today. I dreamt about Eastenders actress Patsy Palmer last night....and as soon as I woke up...I turned on the internet and saw a news article about Patsy Palmer, has scared me a little bit  :( just too coincidental?? ? 

 

Wesker 

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