Irregular86 Posted September 14, 2020 Share Posted September 14, 2020 So.... my fear used to be HIV and getting it from all sorts of random things and situations. With the help of a fab therapist from the local IAPT I managed to kick the habit of checking and worrying and was living life again. I'm not sure what has happened but I now have this fear of developing CJD. I am consumed by fear, it affects 1 in a million people across the world every year and is extremely rare. So why isn't that enough to shake the fear? The thought of having it and just literally deteriorating in a matter of months to dying is too horrific to live with. My boy is 6 years old, I can't bear the thought. It started with the one from eating meat but now it has latched on to the sporadic which has no known cause, no known cure and can't be detected until you're ill which results in death in a matter of months. Its like the OCD thought that's not scary enough let's go for the worse option. I have referred myself back to IAPT as I need some support. Hopefully it is sooner rather than later as I can't eat, its waking me up in the night and I just feel terribly anxious all of the time. I just needed to vent and hopefully talk to someone, my family are lovely and supportive but I just don't think they fully understand. Not just that but talking about it makes me think it could come true. I know in my head from past experience that this is again OCD but there is a niggling voice at the back of my head saying yes but what if! I have made a deal with myself, no more checking today, i've exhausted every webpage the last few days as well as myself Any thoughts or insights into how I can ease my worries? Anyone ever suffered the same fear? Link to comment
OxCD Posted September 14, 2020 Share Posted September 14, 2020 (edited) 1 hour ago, Irregular86 said: So.... my fear used to be HIV and getting it from all sorts of random things and situations. With the help of a fab therapist from the local IAPT I managed to kick the habit of checking and worrying and was living life again. I'm not sure what has happened but I now have this fear of developing CJD. I am consumed by fear, it affects 1 in a million people across the world every year and is extremely rare. So why isn't that enough to shake the fear? The thought of having it and just literally deteriorating in a matter of months to dying is too horrific to live with. My boy is 6 years old, I can't bear the thought. It started with the one from eating meat but now it has latched on to the sporadic which has no known cause, no known cure and can't be detected until you're ill which results in death in a matter of months. Its like the OCD thought that's not scary enough let's go for the worse option. I have referred myself back to IAPT as I need some support. Hopefully it is sooner rather than later as I can't eat, its waking me up in the night and I just feel terribly anxious all of the time. I just needed to vent and hopefully talk to someone, my family are lovely and supportive but I just don't think they fully understand. Not just that but talking about it makes me think it could come true. I know in my head from past experience that this is again OCD but there is a niggling voice at the back of my head saying yes but what if! I have made a deal with myself, no more checking today, i've exhausted every webpage the last few days as well as myself Any thoughts or insights into how I can ease my worries? Anyone ever suffered the same fear? I’ve suffered with this phobia in the past - a lot. All I can say is it’s hard to catch and rare - as they reckon most of us in the 1980’s were exposed to it in beef. A glance at the mortality stats suggests MANY other diseases are more likely to kill you first. Or driving a car. Besides, there is nothing much you can do about it anyway - whether an acquired infection or spontaneous. So try to just ignore the niggling voice - though I find it hard too. Focus on important positive things. Take care. Edited September 14, 2020 by OxCD Link to comment
Irregular86 Posted September 14, 2020 Author Share Posted September 14, 2020 That's what I keep trying to tell myself. I just can't stop looking on the Internet and then I feel worse. There are a million more scary things that could happen and are more likely to happen to me and ultimately rob me of time with my boy, so why its so fixated on this i have no clue. Although I think that is the driving force behind it, the consequences on the relationship with my son. I've started reading the break free from OCD book again and I need to start working through this for my own sanity. Link to comment
OxCD Posted September 14, 2020 Share Posted September 14, 2020 36 minutes ago, Irregular86 said: That's what I keep trying to tell myself. I just can't stop looking on the Internet and then I feel worse. There are a million more scary things that could happen and are more likely to happen to me and ultimately rob me of time with my boy, so why its so fixated on this i have no clue. Although I think that is the driving force behind it, the consequences on the relationship with my son. I've started reading the break free from OCD book again and I need to start working through this for my own sanity. Yeah. Best not look on the internet. Not only does it do us no good whatsoever, the internet is also full of incorrect information. I agree - rationally I know there are much greater dangers, but my mind does come back to specific things... Gotta ignore it. Link to comment
Irregular86 Posted September 14, 2020 Author Share Posted September 14, 2020 Trying so hard to. Distracted myself for a few hours with something else. I have my initial appointment with IAPT booked in this week so hopefully I can start moving past this soon! Link to comment
PolarBear Posted September 14, 2020 Share Posted September 14, 2020 Look, what you learned about overcoming your HIV fear can be perfectly used to overcome this fear. And you MUST stop Googling. Like, stop now! That is likely one of your biggest compulsions. Link to comment
Irregular86 Posted September 14, 2020 Author Share Posted September 14, 2020 1 minute ago, PolarBear said: Look, what you learned about overcoming your HIV fear can be perfectly used to overcome this fear. And you MUST stop Googling. Like, stop now! That is likely one of your biggest compulsions. I have managed today most of the day to stay away from googling info on it. Little slip up this morning but apart from that I've distracted myself with other things. However, the anxiety has stayed with me all day, this huge knot in my stomach! Reading back through the break free from OCD book and going to attempt some of the exercises in it over this week. Link to comment
PolarBear Posted September 14, 2020 Share Posted September 14, 2020 Good. It takes time. Link to comment
OxCD Posted September 14, 2020 Share Posted September 14, 2020 (edited) I do wonder why we obsess on specific things when we know rationally there are much greater dangers. Yet we accept those risks....! Edited September 14, 2020 by OxCD Link to comment
PolarBear Posted September 14, 2020 Share Posted September 14, 2020 Yeah, who knows. I mean, part of it is that, in that moment when the intrusive thought surfaces, there is a jolt of anxiety that sufferers take notice of, but why that thing and not another thing? Need a head scratch emoji. Link to comment
Irregular86 Posted September 15, 2020 Author Share Posted September 15, 2020 I wonder this too Link to comment
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