Hi everyone

[Guest PaulM]

I'm Paul. I used to be very frequent on this site but things were going well and I sort of drifted off.

I recently have been through some stress (work related) and switched medications, and adding the pandemic into the works, things have kind of gone off the rails. Actually, kind of would be an understatement (last night's shower was 2 bars of soap and close to 4 hours ).

I'm not sure if I was much help to anyone in the past. But now that I'm back hopefully, maybe, I can be of some value.

If you read, thanks for reading.

[PolarBear]

Hey Paul.

So what are you going to do to get that four hour shower down to 10 minutes?

[Cub]

Welcome, Paul

Sorry to hear of your trouble. The pandemic has been deeply stressful for so many; you're not alone and you're not to blame. I had a nervous breakdown VERY early in if that helps and I've been suffering from a deep depression. Don't blame yourself for struggling. I came back from the shops today after being in Tesco with people who refused to distance or wear masks and had a shower. Contamination usually doesn't get to me but due to my landlady's job and a somewhat low hygiene count in our house I've become more paranoid. 

We're all here for you and happy to help.

C x

[Guest PaulM]

31 minutes ago, PolarBear said:

Hey Paul.

So what are you going to do to get that four hour shower down to 10 minutes?

I guess today's shower is going to be fewer iterations of the steps, working down, even though I feel like ****. Also, remembering that 2 months ago before things went awry I was fine with the old routine. Maybe I'll use a video game after as an incentive.

[Guest PaulM]

13 minutes ago, Cub said:

Welcome, Paul

Sorry to hear of your trouble. The pandemic has been deeply stressful for so many; you're not alone and you're not to blame. I had a nervous breakdown VERY early in if that helps and I've been suffering from a deep depression. Don't blame yourself for struggling. I came back from the shops today after being in Tesco with people who refused to distance or wear masks and had a shower. Contamination usually doesn't get to me but due to my landlady's job and a somewhat low hygiene count in our house I've become more paranoid. 

We're all here for you and happy to help.

C x

Thank you Cub.

Yesterday I was at a medical clinic and they gave me a new mask to wear - even touching the hand sanitizer bottle they insisted on is a contaminating event for me in spite of that fact it's designed to do the opposite. It's like I have zero faith in hand sanitizers or soap, and even if I could get that far I'd have no faith in myself that I'm using them effectively. Touched the sanitizer bottle, then touching the mask, touching my ears, hair, face - one thing spreads it everywhere.

Edited September 16, 2020 by PaulM

[Guest PaulM]

Well, some progress at least. 1 hour and 15 minutes, one bar of soap, and a pant load of anxiety at the moment. Lots of thoughts about previous reasons, triggers, contamination, spreading filth, etc. Re-reading the 4 R approach in Brain Lock. Relabel...

Hating life at the moment.

Edited September 17, 2020 by PaulM

[Cub]

I can only imagine how stressful that must be. I'd like to recommend another book if I may, one that's helped me - Everyday Mindfulness for OCD. It has been greatly helpful in my own life. One particular piece of advice is when the urge hits - let it run naturally for a minute and let the sludge out and then let the water run clear. Give yourself that beat of time. I don't know how useful that advice is to you but it's useful to me. Your fears of contamination are quite like my own fears of my thoughts and actions - thinking that everything needs to be contained, that hyper-responsibility. It's not your fault. You're just like this because you're a good, caring person.

C x

[Guest PaulM]

3 hours ago, Cub said:

I can only imagine how stressful that must be. I'd like to recommend another book if I may, one that's helped me - Everyday Mindfulness for OCD. It has been greatly helpful in my own life. One particular piece of advice is when the urge hits - let it run naturally for a minute and let the sludge out and then let the water run clear. Give yourself that beat of time. I don't know how useful that advice is to you but it's useful to me. Your fears of contamination are quite like my own fears of my thoughts and actions - thinking that everything needs to be contained, that hyper-responsibility. It's not your fault. You're just like this because you're a good, caring person.

C x

Thank you Cub. I appreciate the kind words.

Really struggling this morning. Lots of this touched that, then that touched something else, etc. - the never ending cycle of what I describe to people as "paint that never dries". Feeling extremely low and that I've made things worse and undone years of work to feel comfortable at home. Heaps of regret. It's a pretty bad spiral at the moment.