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Not sure whether to do therapy or not. Because it's super expensive and I did it around a year ago and I know what he'll tell me to do.


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So yeah. This one therapist. He's good. $250 a week though.

My insurance has a $1,750 deductible. I.e., once I reach $1,750, they will cover 80 % (making each session cost $50).

I don't really want to spend this money. At the same time my OCD has been getting worse.

Of course, I could try on my own for a few months as I know what he'd tell me to do. I can just...try it out and see if I can do it.

The other thing is that...the deductible only goes to the end of the year. So if I waited until January to start, I'd have the whole year being covered at 80 %, so I could go to him for a few months, then go back if I needed to later that year. Know what I mean?

Yeah.

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By the way I HAVE been doing stuff on my own since I ended with him in January of this year. It's just a newer theme has popped up that I have trouble with. 

I finally have a tiny bit of money saved up and $1,750 is a lot to pay. ?

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1 hour ago, PolarBear said:

Still stuck, eh?

I'll tell you this: save your money and time if you know what he's going to tell you to do and you have no intention of doing it. 

PolarBear, you're forgetting I went through therapy with him from September to January of last year and was around 70 to 80 % successful. I'm considering going BACK because I have a new, difficult theme. 

It's not like I've been deliberating whether or not to go therapy this whole time. I went for a few months and had success.

Edited by Ryukil
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Yeah I understand. I was for a while. I went and made progress. Things that bothered me a year ago don't anymore. Now my theme has changed though. Of course. ?

Anyway, I do know what he'd tell me to do as I've been to him. The main thing is I feel like I'm not great at pushing myself to do exposures and stick with them.

But, $250 a week is a lot of money I don't really have. I mean, it would wipe out my funds completely, pretty much. Of course I could earn it back but, yeah.

Sorry. My past shows I tend to spin about all this stuff, go back and forth. I don't want to do that again. I need to just determine what I'm doing and stick with it.

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4 hours ago, Ryukil said:

PolarBear, you're forgetting I went through therapy with him from September to January of last year and was around 70 to 80 % successful. I'm considering going BACK because I have a new, difficult theme. 

Sorry that you are struggling Ryu.  The thing about OCD is, the theme doesn't really matter.  It FEELS super important to us at the time, but its not actually as important as we think.  If you took the same steps you used last time and applied them to the new theme, you'll almost certainly get the same positive results, because overcoming OCD isn't about tackling a specific fear, its about addressing the faulty way we respond to ANY obsession.  

The therapist will probably be able to help guide you in your recovery and get you to reapply the same techniques to this new theme.  You'll have to decide if the money is worth it based on your past experience, but remember that the bulk of OCD recovery is you doing the work every day to get better.  Therapists are just guides to help you get there.

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Well. I think I have decided that I will push myself a bit on my own for 1-2 weeks, see where I'm at, and then reassess. I've already started doing exposures. Difficult, but doable. 

He said there's no waitlist for me because I'm a recent patient, so I can always just set up an appointment that's within a week of when I set it up. That's good to know.

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7 hours ago, Ryukil said:

But I don't know.

Not knowing, the bane of OCD.

Its ok not to know, its ok to decide without perfect certainty. You can make a decision and it can be the wrong one, it happens, not the end of the world.  And if you decide to see the therapist one time, well then you saw him one time.  You can decide after you don't want to go back.  

 

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Yeah. At this moment I'm back to earning + saving more money then possibly trying in January if I still need it.

I decided earlier this afternoon I would try on my own for a couple weeks then reassess. I felt confident about this. But two hours later I felt it was the wrong decision.

I felt anxious most of the day today, worried about what to do.

Since I have gone through this kind of thing before, I don't want to to do it again. 

So I will do my best not to. I should probably stop posting in this thread (maybe shouldn't have made it in the first place) as I'll just go in circles.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Oh man. It's been 10 days? 

So I saw him last Monday (21st). I told him what I was planning on doing on my own. Just agreeing with the thoughts and pushing through.

He told me he felt that I would be alright on my own, telling me he didn't think I needed to see him again. Of course, he said if you have difficulty just contact me again.

Let's see. Yeah in the past week I didn't do too much exposure. A bit. The days just pass quickly.

I've certainly given into compulsions in that time. Yesterday I started a "contaminated" game - was going to try and hold out but deleted it. I can try again.

I feel all over the place. 

 

You know, I have the obsessions that I originally contacted him for, but then I also have this obsession with going or not going. It's ridiculous. 

I was thinking I would try on my own for another week or two then reassess. 

Yeah. I really don't want to deal with another one of these, "should I go or should I not?" obsessions. I think I definitely do have more insight than a few years ago and I can see this for what it is. 

That doesn't help me make a decision, though. 

I can feel confident about working on my own for an hour or two, then suddenly feel like I should go. Or feel like I should go, then think, "You know, I probably don't have enough money for this right now," etc.

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Not much we can do. We can't make the decision for you. Bottom line is, which way carries the greater guarantee that you'll actually do the work necessary? 

I don't know the answer. You just said you didn't carry through on your own. Another time you dropped out of therapy because you refused to do what the therapist said.

Maybe you're just not ready to make a commitment to change.

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Yeah, that was another therapist with whom this therapist I worked with a year ago agreed with me was a bit too immovable when it came to his approach. 

I worked with this one and did pretty well. Was able to once again do things I hadn't done in a year or two.

I'm sure I'd have a better chance of doing the work while working with him. I don't know, I find working with him to be motivating...I have someone to talk to about what's going on and reassure me I'm on the right track. 

It's expensive but...yeah, if anything's worth paying for it's help with OCD. Lol.

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On 29/09/2020 at 09:18, Ryukil said:

I'm sure I'd have a better chance of doing the work while working with him. I don't know, I find working with him to be motivating...I have someone to talk to about what's going on and reassure me I'm on the right track. 

It can be helpful to have a coach to keep you motivated and accountable, but I would also recommend that if you go back to therapy with this person you also include in your recovery plan steps to become able to keep on track on your own.  Reassurance is a double edged sword when it comes to OCD.  It is necessary to get some positive feedback, especially early on, to both help you feel confidant to take on the tasks and also to know you are making progress.  However it can also become a compulsion and can hinder your progress if you depend on it too much.

Its comforting to be able to turn to someone like a therapist, but at some point like a young bird, you have to leave the nest and fly on your own.  IMO its best to approach therapy as a temporary support rather than a permanent lifestyle when it comes to OCD.  I think a good therapist will agree.  The goal, after all, is to help you get back to living life on your own free from the constraints of OCD.

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I set that appointment but canceled it. Now it's Monday. 

I don't know whether I should do it on my own or not. I would save like $1000-$1500 if I did and I don't have that much income. I feel all over the place. I definitely don't want to set up an appointment with him and cancel it again. Don't want to bother him.

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I think I have an obsession that I can't do it without a therapist. But I suppose the only way to know if that's true or not would be...to attempt to do it without a therapist. 

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7 hours ago, Ryukil said:

I don't know whether I should do it on my own or not. I would save like $1000-$1500 if I did and I don't have that much income. I feel all over the place. I definitely don't want to set up an appointment with him and cancel it again. Don't want to bother him.

 

18 minutes ago, Ryukil said:

I think I have an obsession that I can't do it without a therapist. But I suppose the only way to know if that's true or not would be...to attempt to do it without a therapist. 

I think you are looking to feel certainty about your decision one way or the other, and while that would be great, it is not always possible, especially when it comes to OCD.
We could tell you to do one thing or the other, you might feel some relief for a little bit, but you'd almost certainly go back to doubting and come back with the same questions.
Whichever choice you make you are going to feel doubt, clearly, so you need to make the choice and stick with it.  
If you decide to meet with the therapist, then you can't cancel.  Even if you start really regretting your decision.  You need to go through with it.
If you decide to try this on your own for awhile, set a time period and stick with it.  Say a week or a month, whatever.  If, after that time you want to reevaluate then ok, you can reevaluate, but again you need to make a decision at that point and stick with it.

But whatever the choice is, you will still feel doubt, you need to accept that.  In time the doubt will hopefully fade, but for now at least you can't rely on being "certain" in order to stick with a decision.  Its tough, but its the way things are.

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