Feeling lost

[Amber31]

My partner has OCD and GAD. And I'm just feeling so lost at the moment. 

At the beginning of the year he cancelled our wedding a week before due to an argument setting off his HOCD and since then things have been rough. He moved out and has been coming back slowly, staying a bit longer each time. But anytime anything difficult comes up, he just breakd down and runs away. It seems his OCD has just seeped into every insecurity he has about himself and life. He's scared of everything. 

I'm finding it really difficult to cope. I've been trying so hard to reassure him and support but I'm at the point where I'm on eggshells when he's here and on autopilot when he's not here. I have a young Son to look after and I just feel really alone. 

I can't face seeing anyone since all this happened because I just cry and can't stand all the questions from friends who don't understand mental health. I love my partner and am standing by him.

I think I just needed to tell someone who might understand. So thanks for reading xx

[Symps07]

Hi Amber,

I am so sorry to hear that you're having such a rough time at the moment. I was supposed to get married earlier this month, but had to postpone it due to Covid, but I can't imagine what you went through.

For what it's worth, I think that you're amazing for standing by your partner! My fiancee has stood by me through some horrid times and I can't begin to tell you how much it means to me and how much I love her for it. I'm sure your partner feels the same for you.

Can I ask if your partner is or has seen anyone about his OCD?

As I have never been on the 'other side' of being the person who's trying to support someone with OCD, I don't really know how I would best advise you but I would certainly suggest looking at the information here on this website in regards to OCD if you haven't already and just finding our as much as possible (It's helped me with dealing with my OCD).

What I would say is, you say above about reassuring your partner. Seeking reassurance is a compulsion, so as hard as it may be, try not to do this with your partner as it only ends up reaffirming the obsession.

I also think that you would benefit from having someone to talk to even if that person does not understand OCD or mental health, just catch up on events or talk to generally. It'll give you the chance to unwind and be social.

I hope things are better since your last post, I think you're are being amazing in giving so much support but at the end of the day your partner must also learn to deal with his OCD either by getting treatment, using techniques already learned or even by using this forum and it's website.

Stay strong 

Symps

[Amber31]

16 hours ago, Symps07 said:

Hi Amber,

I am so sorry to hear that you're having such a rough time at the moment. I was supposed to get married earlier this month, but had to postpone it due to Covid, but I can't imagine what you went through.

For what it's worth, I think that you're amazing for standing by your partner! My fiancee has stood by me through some horrid times and I can't begin to tell you how much it means to me and how much I love her for it. I'm sure your partner feels the same for you.

Can I ask if your partner is or has seen anyone about his OCD?

As I have never been on the 'other side' of being the person who's trying to support someone with OCD, I don't really know how I would best advise you but I would certainly suggest looking at the information here on this website in regards to OCD if you haven't already and just finding our as much as possible (It's helped me with dealing with my OCD).

What I would say is, you say above about reassuring your partner. Seeking reassurance is a compulsion, so as hard as it may be, try not to do this with your partner as it only ends up reaffirming the obsession.

I also think that you would benefit from having someone to talk to even if that person does not understand OCD or mental health, just catch up on events or talk to generally. It'll give you the chance to unwind and be social.

I hope things are better since your last post, I think you're are being amazing in giving so much support but at the end of the day your partner must also learn to deal with his OCD either by getting treatment, using techniques already learned or even by using this forum and it's website.

Stay strong 

Symps

Thanks so much for replying, I really appreciate it. And sorry to hear about your wedding being cancelled.                   We also had to cancel due to covid and then have had this second cancellation.

I think you make a good point about the reassurance, that's helpful. Maybe I have been in rescue mode. I am so desperate for him to be home. I think his compulsion is staying away. He says he wants to be sure he won't harm us, but it seems that isn't possible. And he's going to have to work through this. He does say how much I'm helping him by supporting him.

He's having counselling but on the waiting list for specialist ocd treatment. It seems to be taking a long time.

Anyway, I will keep looking at the info on here. Thanks so much for the encouragement, I really need it right now. 

[Gemma@OCDUK]

Hi there Amber

It sounds like things are really tough at the moment for you all and I'm really glad to see you've had such good advice and support from Symps.

I really hope that your partner manages to get to see a therapist soon and that you are also doing your best to look after yourself, because OCD can be overwhelming and draining on everyone involved.

I do recommend a book called 'How Can I Help?' by Lauren Callaghan which is aimed at friends and family, to help them help their loved one with anxiety or obsessional problems.

We are also currently running support groups which you and your partner might find helpful. There is one tonight at 7pm for Parents with OCD which your partner might want to attend, although I know it is short notice, or there is one on Wednesday 30th September at 7pm for Family and Friends, which you might find helpful. For more information on all the support groups and the one-off ones I mentioned you can check out the link here https://www.ocduk.org/support-groups/zoom/
 

If you do decide to attend the support groups there is no pressure to talk you can just sit and listen, but it can help to hear from other people in similar situations.

Gemma

[Amber31]

5 hours ago, Gemma@OCDUK said:

Hi there Amber

It sounds like things are really tough at the moment for you all and I'm really glad to see you've had such good advice and support from Symps.

I really hope that your partner manages to get to see a therapist soon and that you are also doing your best to look after yourself, because OCD can be overwhelming and draining on everyone involved.

I do recommend a book called 'How Can I Help?' by Lauren Callaghan which is aimed at friends and family, to help them help their loved one with anxiety or obsessional problems.

We are also currently running support groups which you and your partner might find helpful. There is one tonight at 7pm for Parents with OCD which your partner might want to attend, although I know it is short notice, or there is one on Wednesday 30th September at 7pm for Family and Friends, which you might find helpful. For more information on all the support groups and the one-off ones I mentioned you can check out the link here https://www.ocduk.org/support-groups/zoom/
 

If you do decide to attend the support groups there is no pressure to talk you can just sit and listen, but it can help to hear from other people in similar situations.

Gemma

Thank you for your response Gemma.

I will definitely be looking up that book and will let my partner know about the Zoom support group too.

I am trying to look after myself. Could do better!