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Panicking about something my psych said


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I went to see a psych that I’ve seen a few times before about my worries and he’s a expert in ocd in the UK. 

My worries focus on pocd- I’m not worried I will do anything but my worries are if I was to see child abuse then would I enjoy it. Therefore for years I’ve put images and scenarios in my head Of these types of things  on purpose as a compulsion to check how I feel about them. Sometimes I feel like I’ve enjoyed it or excited or something , sometimes I Feel nothing. When I come out of an ocd episode I can think these things and mostly not feel anything or just dismiss them.  

 

my psych asked me what it my greatest fear if I don’t perform the compulsions ( create scenarios in my head to test myself) . I guess my fear is that I would just feel like I enjoyed the thoughts and would have to live feeling that way If I didn’t do compulsions but when he asked me , I said I don’t know, I don’t have any feared consequences. His exact words were ‘well But somehow you’ve got to live with yourself being in the fact that you enjoy these thoughts” and I agreed and didn’t think much more of it. I recorded the sesh and have listened to it a handful of times . I listened to it again today and only noticed he said that today. I’m now freaking out about what he said , like he thinks I do definitely enjoy the thoughts. Why didn’t he say somehow you’ve got to live with yourself believing that you might enjoy these thoughts instead. I’m really panicking about what he’s said now and what he meant and scared he thinks I do truly enjoy the thoughts. I know I’m not supposed to be engaging but I can’t stop worrying and thinking about what he said etc. 
 

 

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Totally over-analysing. The sentence is not even grammatically correct, and you’re trying to extract a nuanced message. When you speak do you always articulate what you mean perfectly?

Edited by OxCD
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Thank you for responding. I know it doesNt make grammatical sense , they are the exact words he said. I’m just wondering what exactly he meant to say and can’t stop thinking about it and wondering if he thinks I truly enjoy the thoughts. I do feel like I do like the thoughts some of the time but does ocd have that power. It’s all so confusing and I’m exhausted from it all. X 

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22 minutes ago, rachel23 said:

Thank you for responding. I know it doesNt make grammatical sense , they are the exact words he said. I’m just wondering what exactly he meant to say and can’t stop thinking about it and wondering if he thinks I truly enjoy the thoughts. I do feel like I do like the thoughts some of the time but does ocd have that power. It’s all so confusing and I’m exhausted from it all. X 

I’m not sure you’re going to be able to deduce exactly what he meant. Unfortunately you’re going to have to come to terms with that uncertainty - as annoying as that is. If you keep analysing it you’re not going to be any the wiser - you’re just going to make your pain increase. So choose to do and think something else. That said - I suspect he meant you’re going to have to learn to live with the fear that you enjoy these thoughts. As in - you can never be totally sure you don’t enjoy them - just almost sure. And you’re going to have to live with the fear and the uncertainty of that. That’s what we all have to do with OCD if we want to get better.

Edited by OxCD
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You have taken one quote from a conversation. The ‘well’ in the quote indicates that the therapist is responding to an issue that you have raised. Any recording will reveal ‘grammatical’ inaccuracies as compared with edited written documents as we spontaneously co - construct conversations in real time. It is good practice to have recorded conversations and part of their function is to report back to the therapist. So do this at the next session. And listen to that part of the session again to hear your raising of an issue, the therapists response, and your response to the response. 

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15 minutes ago, Angst said:

You have taken one quote from a conversation. The ‘well’ in the quote indicates that the therapist is responding to an issue that you have raised. Any recording will reveal ‘grammatical’ inaccuracies as compared with edited written documents as we spontaneously co - construct conversations in real time. It is good practice to have recorded conversations and part of their function is to report back to the therapist. So do this at the next session. And listen to that part of the session again to hear your raising of an issue, the therapists response, and your response to the response. 

Absolutely not the right thing to do. Over analysing is a sure fire way of making your OCD get worse. Ruminating is a classic OCD trait that perpetuates anxiety and discomfort. Ask your therapist at your next session whether going over recordings forensically is likely to benefit you. I suspect they’ll say not.

Edited by OxCD
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