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A thought question


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Hello, 

My episode happened over a year ago now and I've been living in fear and awful anxiety since. I am trying to let go of this and get on with my life. 

I do believe thinks are getting a little better but my question is sometimes I remember back to when it all happened. I try and remeber what emotions I was feeling. I can remeber what my anxiety and worry was like. When I think about this it brings it all back and then I question why was you feeling like that then but not as bad now? It's really hard to explain but I'm trying to feel what I was feeling like when this happened. I question myself then because I'm feeling a little better now and nothing has changed since then why did I feel 100 times worse then? I feel like I'm missing something or forgetting something out. I'm not going to go into my story but the thought I had was "I feel like I've accessed/seen something really taboo online" after this thought an panic attack life has been so different-horrible. 

I'm afraid to think back to when this happened because it brings all those horrible thoughts and feelings back that I've done something so wrong and I'm going to pay for it. 

This is really hard to explain but I'm just wondering if anyone understands what I mean. 

Chris

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I understand. What you need to understand is that when you think back to that time and try to remember emotions and what you were doing, you are performing a compulsion. 

Compulsions don't work. They cause more obsessions, anxiety and doubt.

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Thank you Polarbear. 

I didn't realise this was a compulsion as its makes me worse rather than reassured but I'm guessing the initial thought to think back was reassurance until I remembered how I was feeling. 

Thank you 

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