Jump to content

Re-reading and slow reading


Recommended Posts

Hi everyone. I'm posting here because I am seeking advice. I was diagnosed with OCD in 2011 and at that point my obsessions were focused on my ex-boyfriend (a form of relationship OCD and relentless reassurance seeking). At other points in my life I've been obsessed by the idea that I might be HIV+ and by trying to keep my parents and sister safe from danger. At the moment, because of COVID-19 I do certainly feel very anxious about my parents' safety but my behaviour isn't as bad as it has been at other times in my life; I hate that I need to do certain things like list colours and lick my teeth and constantly run my fingernails over the ridges of my front two teeth but compared to other times in my life my mind does still feel my own and not taken over by obsessions. However, I am seeking help because I have always had trouble reading and because I am beginning a new course I am frightened about how slowly I read. Does anyone here have experience of this too? Have you been able to speed up your reading? I stopped reading fiction books a few years ago because it upset me too much and only 'read' audiobooks. To be clear, I can read and it's not dyslexia. I have a Masters degree but I got through my science degree without reading textbooks. Now I am converting to a humanities subject I am required to read textbooks and I find that I can't read the set work. I reread words and sentences. I find that usually I have to read aloud to understand or at least mouth the words. When I come across the letter 'r' and 'l' at the moment I find myself counting the serifs on the letters. I stopped reading fiction because I also had with every new word to think about how it affected the scene in my head / update the scene in my head. It feels like with reading that I have a fear of not having fully understood a sentence and that is why I reread and reread sentences sometimes 20 times; and these are not difficult sentences, these could be in the simplest fiction book. It feels the same as when I was younger and I would have to leave my bedroom door open at an angle that felt right and I would open and let go of it multiple times until I was happy. I tried this summer to read a fiction book for the first time in years. I chose Normal People. I read it every day for several hours a day for a week (I was on my own on holiday and had nothing else to do) and I still have a third of the book left; I was reading as fast as I can and that is quite fast for me but I was still rereading sentences a lot. I have a friend who read the whole book in four hours. My slowness at reading is really noticeable: people notice it in restaurants when I have read 1/50 of the menu and they have read the whole thing and art galleries where I people who I am with will be in the third room while I am still reading the first intro poster in the first room. I'm so fed up of being this slow and it feels linked to OCD and a feeling of being certain that I have understood what I am reading. It's very all or nothing; if I don't understand one word, then I understand nothing. It has affected my work in the past and it affected me at school but tbh I just did a lot of work outside the classroom to make up for my slowness in the classroom. I'm so worried that it's going to affect my ability to do my new uni course because I have to read textbooks. I worry that I won't be able to pass my exams because I have to read textbooks and make notes from them. I also find that so difficult because everything seems important; when I note take, I end up making a note of everything! I worry too much about missing something important out. What I am noticing is though that because of this perfectionism(?) I actually put myself at a disadvantage because I cannot cover as much work and will not leave myself enough time to prepare for the exams. I really want to stop rereading. The other reason for the slowness is actually not rereading but hovering over each individual word for a long time. I have begun to think that the reason I do so much work at night is because my tiredness speeds up my reading because my brain is less on 'perfectionism' alert; also, when working right up against a deadline, the fear of how little time is left (e.g. maybe only a matter of hours left) seems to override my 'perfectionist' reading and I can read quickly (this is the only time that this happens for me). Sorry that I have written so much. This has been a problem for me for so long and I'd be so grateful if anyone could speak to me who has had a similar experience and knows what I can do to tackle it. Best wishes everyone 

 

 

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
×
×
  • Create New...