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I am really struggling to calm my anxiety down.. I have never been diagnosed officially with OCD but my therapist is treating me for it but now I’m panicked that it’s not actually OCD. I haven’t been able to eat properly in a week I just don’t know what to do. I have a sexually intrusive thoughts and I can’t help but  why, why did I have this thought, did I enjoy the thought, what If everything I fear is true, what if I don’t love my boyfriend, what if I can never have a happy life? 

im just so stuck and feel disgusting I’m finding it hard to eat because I don’t deserve to be happy.

i feel awful when my family are nice to me because I feel like I don’t deserve it.

 

does this sound like OCD?

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Hey.

Having doubts that your problem is OCD is actually a sign of OCD. Very common among sufferers. 

The last bit of your first paragraph describes your compulsions. Those are the things you need to work on not doing.

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2 hours ago, Cas24 said:

I am really struggling to calm my anxiety down.. I have never been diagnosed officially with OCD but my therapist is treating me for it but now I’m panicked that it’s not actually OCD. I haven’t been able to eat properly in a week I just don’t know what to do. I have a sexually intrusive thoughts and I can’t help but  why, why did I have this thought, did I enjoy the thought, what If everything I fear is true, what if I don’t love my boyfriend, what if I can never have a happy life? 

im just so stuck and feel disgusting I’m finding it hard to eat because I don’t deserve to be happy.

i feel awful when my family are nice to me because I feel like I don’t deserve it.

 

does this sound like OCD?

If it disgusts you then could be intrusive thoughts and your therapist can help you with that. I had all manner of horrible thoughts that I couldn’t believe were coming from my mind. When I was seeing a therapist the technique that worked for me was the diffusing technique. It might be something mentioned already but I found it a real game changer.

I was told to do this every time I had an intrusive thought.

Repeat this in your head.

 

1. “the intrusive thought”

2. “I’m having a thought that I’m” (insert intrusive thought).

3. “I’m noticing that I’m having a thought” (insert intrusive thought)

4. Repeat 3 but in a stupid voice. My therapist said to use Mickey Mouse. But I went with Darth Vader!

I found doing this helps break me from the intrusive thought loop with a bit of practice.

 

 

 

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1 hour ago, PolarBear said:

Hey.

Having doubts that your problem is OCD is actually a sign of OCD. Very common among sufferers. 

The last bit of your first paragraph describes your compulsions. Those are the things you need to work on not doing.

Hey Polar bear, 

thank you for replying

Is worrying I will never be able to have children A compulsion too? I have thoughts that my boyfriend should just leave me cos I will never be able to be truly happy or have children

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50 minutes ago, Wave Rider said:

If it disgusts you then could be intrusive thoughts and your therapist can help you with that. I had all manner of horrible thoughts that I couldn’t believe were coming from my mind. When I was seeing a therapist the technique that worked for me was the diffusing technique. It might be something mentioned already but I found it a real game changer.

I was told to do this every time I had an intrusive thought.

Repeat this in your head.

 

1. “the intrusive thought”

2. “I’m having a thought that I’m” (insert intrusive thought).

3. “I’m noticing that I’m having a thought” (insert intrusive thought)

4. Repeat 3 but in a stupid voice. My therapist said to use Mickey Mouse. But I went with Darth Vader!

I found doing this helps break me from the intrusive thought loop with a bit of practice.

 

 

 

Hi Wave Rider,

it’s definitely an intrusive thought.. I can’t eat or sleep or think about anything else than proving it’s not true. But thank you for your advice I really appreciate it

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Hi Cas

I've been where you are with the not-eating; isn't it horrible? I lost weight over lockdown because I felt so bad. But of course you deserve to have kindness and support from your family! I had similar fears to you - just as I feared never being allowed to be happy. I understand that feeling well. But of course you're allowed. ❤️

C x

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6 hours ago, Cas24 said:

Is worrying I will never be able to have children A compulsion too? I have thoughts that my boyfriend should just leave me cos I will never be able to be truly happy or have children

The worries you are having, such as never being able to have children or the sexually intrusive thoughts are the obsessions, unwanted intrusive thoughts you have a hard time dismissing and cause you distress (such as anxiety, depression, anger, etc.)

Compulsions are behaviors (usually repeated) that you engage to try and eliminate the distress.  These can be overt behaviors such as counting things a certain number of times, performing tasks until they feel "right", repeatedly asking for reassurance the things you fear aren't true, etc.  They can also be more covert behaviors, such as avoid certain situations or topics, ruminating a.k.a. dwelling on a worry and trying to analyze it/logic your way out of it, etc.

Overcoming OCD involves to general things, working to change how you think about the intrusive thoughts and reducing and eliminating the compulsions you do.

An example of the first part might be the following:

NOW:
Intrusive thought:  You'll never be able to have children!
Your reaction:  Oh no, thats horrible, if it's true.  I should break up with my boyfriend so he can find someone who can have children.

FUTURE
Intrusive thought: You'll never be able to have children!
Your reaction:  That would be unfortunate, but its probably not true.  I don't need to panic about it right now.  If it happens I'll deal with it as best I can.

At first responding this way will seem forced and you'll feel doubt that you are being honest.  You'll still worry.  YOu'll still often react in the original way.  The goal is to become aware of when you are having these intrusive thoughts and actively try and change how you respond.  It will take time, and thats not ideal, but its normal and ok.  Do your best.  The more you practice the better you'll become.  It'll go from being something you have to think about doing to something that becomes almost automatic.

For the second part, you'll first need to begin identifying your compulsions and then take steps to reduce and eliminate them.  Sometimes this is simply not allowing yourself to do them.  This is the ideal option, but its often too demanding.  A more gradual approach is to reduce and/or limit your compulsions.  If your compulsion is washing too much for example, you could limit how many times a day and for how long you are allowed to wash your hands.  At first the number might remain high compared to other people, but over time you increase the limits on your behavior (say 20 times a day for a week, then 18, then 16, etc.). Or maybe your compulsion is googling your worry to try and find the "answer" or "proof" that you are not a monster.  Ideally you shouldn't do it at all, but if you are struggling with that, you can limit yourself by saying "OK I am only allowed to google search for 20 minutes a day at 4pm every day". When you feel the urge to search, remind yourself its not time and that you'll do it later.  Eventually you want to reduce how often and for how long you can do it.

Another technique that helps with OCD is called ERP or Exposure and Response Prevention.  Using this you INTENTIONALLY make yourself experience the intrusive thoughts and sit with the anxiety for increasingly long periods of time while not letting yourself do any kind of compulsions (aka responses).  Its usually helpful to start with a therapist for this kind of treatment, so they can guide you and help you handle it, but it can be done alone too.  Over time you increase the intensity of the thoughts you make yourself feel to teach your brain that having the thought isn't a big deal.  

OCD recovery is a process, and it can be a slower one than we'd prefer (given that most of us would prefer an immediate cure, anything will feel slower, :D ) but it does work.  You won't beat OCD overnight, which sucks, but you don't have to to be successful at it.  Its a marathon, not a sprint.  Hang in there.

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15 hours ago, Cas24 said:

I haven’t been able to eat properly in a week

BTW I have struggled with this too, lack of appetite, anxiety, etc.  I recommend setting aside a specific time to eat a meal and making sure you eat at least something.  Aim for simple, healthy foods, things that are easy to handle.  Plain chicken, rice, simple vegetables, some water or juice or tea.  Even if you aren't eating much getting good nutrition is important in general but also for OCD.  I find the same is true about doing other basic things.  Like when I am really struggling I feel the urge to stay in bed for long periods of time.  However if I make myself get up, get a shower, put on some clean clothes, even if I just end up sitting on the couch watching TV I end up feeling better.  It feels like a real slog to do it, but I always am glad I did.  Even some simple exercise often helps.  A short walk outside, don't even need to break a sweat helps me deal with anxiety and feel better.

It can seem like its not important, but seriously taking care of those basics and meeting even those simple goals can make a bigger difference than you'd think on your mood!

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12 hours ago, Cub said:

Hi Cas

I've been where you are with the not-eating; isn't it horrible? I lost weight over lockdown because I felt so bad. But of course you deserve to have kindness and support from your family! I had similar fears to you - just as I feared never being allowed to be happy. I understand that feeling well. But of course you're allowed. ❤️

C x

Hi Cub,

truly awful, and I think it’s become a bit of a compulsion for me because I think I don’t deserve to eat? 
 

so sorry you have been through this, sending love and healing.

x

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7 hours ago, dksea said:

The worries you are having, such as never being able to have children or the sexually intrusive thoughts are the obsessions, unwanted intrusive thoughts you have a hard time dismissing and cause you distress (such as anxiety, depression, anger, etc.)

Compulsions are behaviors (usually repeated) that you engage to try and eliminate the distress.  These can be overt behaviors such as counting things a certain number of times, performing tasks until they feel "right", repeatedly asking for reassurance the things you fear aren't true, etc.  They can also be more covert behaviors, such as avoid certain situations or topics, ruminating a.k.a. dwelling on a worry and trying to analyze it/logic your way out of it, etc.

Overcoming OCD involves to general things, working to change how you think about the intrusive thoughts and reducing and eliminating the compulsions you do.

An example of the first part might be the following:

NOW:
Intrusive thought:  You'll never be able to have children!
Your reaction:  Oh no, thats horrible, if it's true.  I should break up with my boyfriend so he can find someone who can have children.

FUTURE
Intrusive thought: You'll never be able to have children!
Your reaction:  That would be unfortunate, but its probably not true.  I don't need to panic about it right now.  If it happens I'll deal with it as best I can.

At first responding this way will seem forced and you'll feel doubt that you are being honest.  You'll still worry.  YOu'll still often react in the original way.  The goal is to become aware of when you are having these intrusive thoughts and actively try and change how you respond.  It will take time, and thats not ideal, but its normal and ok.  Do your best.  The more you practice the better you'll become.  It'll go from being something you have to think about doing to something that becomes almost automatic.

For the second part, you'll first need to begin identifying your compulsions and then take steps to reduce and eliminate them.  Sometimes this is simply not allowing yourself to do them.  This is the ideal option, but its often too demanding.  A more gradual approach is to reduce and/or limit your compulsions.  If your compulsion is washing too much for example, you could limit how many times a day and for how long you are allowed to wash your hands.  At first the number might remain high compared to other people, but over time you increase the limits on your behavior (say 20 times a day for a week, then 18, then 16, etc.). Or maybe your compulsion is googling your worry to try and find the "answer" or "proof" that you are not a monster.  Ideally you shouldn't do it at all, but if you are struggling with that, you can limit yourself by saying "OK I am only allowed to google search for 20 minutes a day at 4pm every day". When you feel the urge to search, remind yourself its not time and that you'll do it later.  Eventually you want to reduce how often and for how long you can do it.

Another technique that helps with OCD is called ERP or Exposure and Response Prevention.  Using this you INTENTIONALLY make yourself experience the intrusive thoughts and sit with the anxiety for increasingly long periods of time while not letting yourself do any kind of compulsions (aka responses).  Its usually helpful to start with a therapist for this kind of treatment, so they can guide you and help you handle it, but it can be done alone too.  Over time you increase the intensity of the thoughts you make yourself feel to teach your brain that having the thought isn't a big deal.  

OCD recovery is a process, and it can be a slower one than we'd prefer (given that most of us would prefer an immediate cure, anything will feel slower, :D ) but it does work.  You won't beat OCD overnight, which sucks, but you don't have to to be successful at it.  Its a marathon, not a sprint.  Hang in there.

Always appreciate the time and effort you put in to your replies.

i think my main compulsions are ruminating constantly trying to find an answer, checking how my body reacts to thoughts, comparing thoughts about my boyfriend to other things. I also spend a lot of time on here reading other people’s stories and finding a resemblance between mine and theirs. Do these sound like compulsions? I also google OCD a lot and compare the symptoms to mine.  
 

I find the ruminating hard to stop because it just happens, I try to not do it,  but my mind just goes there and tries to figure out an answer.
 

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Hi @Cas24,

Thank you so much for replying to my post the other day when I was really struggling. Just like you, I'm limited with what advice I can offer but just to say you are also not alone. I'm really glad to see that more knowledgable forum folk have been able to give you some good advice. Do what you can to keep your chin up, although I know its so difficult. We have to keep the faith that there's going to be a light at the end of the tunnel and until we reach it try to remember that we are not alone with what we're going through and there's also people we can turn to for advice and support.

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On 02/10/2020 at 17:58, Cas24 said:

i think my main compulsions are ruminating constantly trying to find an answer, checking how my body reacts to thoughts, comparing thoughts about my boyfriend to other things. I also spend a lot of time on here reading other people’s stories and finding a resemblance between mine and theirs. Do these sound like compulsions? I also google OCD a lot and compare the symptoms to mine.  

Yup, those are all compulsions.
- Rumination, as I mentioned before
- Checking your bodies reaction
- Looking for reassurance through the forum and Google by comparing symptoms

Its understandable why you would try all of these, its very common for OCD suffers, but unfortunately compulsions don't end up helping, they just reinforce to our brains that the thoughts are important.  If you didn't have OCD googling to see if your symptoms matched might be a reasonable solution for example, because you'd do it once or twice, find an answer and move on.  Unfortunately with OCD, as I'm sure you've experienced already, even when you find an answer you soon doubt it and have to keep searching.  Same with looking on the forum for similar stories.  Same with checking if your body reacts "right" to certain thoughts.  All well intentioned, but ultimately it makes things worse.  Thats why its important to reduce and eliminate compulsions.  Ultimately they make OCD a bigger problem.
 

On 02/10/2020 at 17:58, Cas24 said:

I find the ruminating hard to stop because it just happens, I try to not do it,  but my mind just goes there and tries to figure out an answer.

Yup, unfortunately  we often have fallen in to the patterns long before we realize they aren't helpful and it can be hard to change those behaviors.  But it is definitely doable!
First, you have to recognize that rumination is a problem.  Good news, you are already there.
Second, you have to try your best to be aware of when you are ruminating.  At first you'll probably realize it well after you've started.  Thats ok, this is a process not a test.
Third, once you realize you are ruminating or are about to be ruminating, label it, mentally so you reinforce what it is.
Fourth, move your focus to something else.  Some other task, some other area of thought, You don't need to solve the rumination, you can walk away from it.  It'll feel 'wrong" but it is the right choice.
Fifth, wash, rinse, repeat.  The more you do this the easier it will become, you're in essence replacing a bad habit with a good one.

At first it may take awhile to notice you are ruminating, as you've said, and even after you try and redirect yourself you may find you've quickly slipped back in to it.  Thats normal, it takes time to break this bad habit but if you keep at it you'll get better over time un

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