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Nothing happened, but it could have


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Hi everybody.

I find it difficult to figure out how to deal with these OCD / obsessive thoughts.

Yesterday I went for a walk (outside) with my son who is now almost 2 years old. It is often the case that while walking he likes to touch everything (cars, fences, plants etc etc). This is of course completely normal for a small child as they are very curious.

However, while walking we then walked past a piece of the garden of a resident. and in his front yard he had some garden lights (low to the ground) and about 30 cm next to such a garden light was a spool of cables (most likely power cables). and my son stopped by the garden lamp, while I saw that the cable was right next to it. The moment he touched the lamp with his hand, I took him away. However, afterwards I now have the feeling and the idea that I have exposed him to danger. And I just can't get it out of my mind why I did not intervene immediately (when he stopped at this garden lamp) and removed him from there.

I remember that during our walk I noticed that I very often and very quickly tried to remove or avoid him from certain situations. but of course he also has to learn to trial and error. And so I just let him touch a few more things.

But I can't get out of my head why I allowed him to touch that garden lamp (at least I gave him the opportunity to just look at it, and once he would try and touch, I had already told myself that I would then take him away en tell him its someone property and its not for him to touch.

But what if he suddenly grabbed those cables?

I was aware at the time that they were there, and yet I let him stand and see if he would stay away from it on his own.

Now it feels like I consciously agreed that he could have possibly been harmed.

My wife then told me that they were probably not power cables, but I am not convinced. I really want to go back (across the street) and see what the cables are.

But I also know that if they aren't power cables, I won't settle for that. since at the time I didn't know what the cables were. and thus i accepted the fact that they must have been power cables.

I now constantly have images in my head that my son is being electrocuted or something like that. And I feel so much guilt about that.

I really could use some help.

Normally I am often overprotective and afraid that he will contract something or get hurt. and this also bothered me a lot with my OCD. But now I was consciously trying no to intervene beforehand out of overprotectivesness, and then this happened!

I feel so much guilt. I feel that if this situaion would have happened 100 times that atleast one out of those 100 thing would have gone bad, and i feel like i should be held accountable for the what if scenario from 1 out of a 100.

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This is purely ocd as a person without ocd would have done the same as you but not get these unwanted thoughts, you have ocd and get these unwanted thoughts and then great guilt kicks in followed by compulsions, classic ocd

It was not your intent to hurt anybody or get them in a dangerous position to hurt themselves, so if anything had happened it would have been accidental and therefore you would not be in anyway accountable, we are human and sometimes may get ourselves in potentially dangerous situations without realizing it as we do not live in a perfect world

Also I can feel for you regarding the horrendous feelings of guilt you can get with ocd, but again this is just ocd you have done nothing wrong ?

 

 

 

 

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You say you were aware the cables were their, but you were still at hand to stop anything bad happening and also in the back of your mind am sure you presumed the cables were insulated out of harms way etc, and if he touched the bulb it would not have done ever lasting damage, again its ocd we all take chances from time to time thinking nothing bad will happen ?

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1 hour ago, SnookerTable said:

You say you were aware the cables were their, but you were still at hand to stop anything bad happening and also in the back of your mind am sure you presumed the cables were insulated out of harms way etc, and if he touched the bulb it would not have done ever lasting damage, again its ocd we all take chances from time to time thinking nothing bad will happen ?

Well maybe... i dont know...  i really dont know why i did not prevent him from getting in the cables proximity.

Altough they were like 12 inches away from the lamp he was trying to touch, i feel i should have removed him from the situation no matter what. Because i know that if he wanted to he might hav been able to grab those cables before i could intervene. its so hard, because im tryin to replay the situation i my head and remember if i was close enough to him to intervene from touching the cables, all the while i was sort of 'experimenting' with him being more able to discover things on himself without constant interruptions by me, because im afraid something might happen.

What do i need to do to move on from this? Why cant i shake the feeling / thought that my actions implied i migt have been ok with him being harmed?

Why would i want such a thing?

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You should know why you can't move on from this. Because you won't let it go. Because you keep going over the situation in your head. Because you analyze your motives, etc.

That's your problem. Not what you did or didn't do. That's incredibly minor.

Edited by PolarBear
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I’ve struggled a bit with this sort of thing in the past. Kids take risks. If you don’t let them take risks, they’ll never learn what is really dangerous. You would be putting them at more danger if you didn’t let them take risks. One day they’ll go to university or college and do all sorts of crazy sh!t. Sex, drugs, who knows. Let them learn from the small stuff now and they’ll learn to take wiser decisions later.

Don't deprive them from experiencing real life anyway. It’s better for them to live with risk than in a padded safe box. That would be something to feel guilty about!

This is definitely your problem - OCD. Nothing bad really happened. Do the usual thing: let it go.

Edited by OxCD
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