Help

[battlethrough]

I can't get over the fact I fantasised about my adult non blood niece, the guilt is making me ill physically and mentally,the need to confess is killing me because it would hurt my partner, I am really not well with this

[battlethrough]

How do other people deal with not confessing,I get to the point of not wanting to live, the guilt is crippling,I know confessing would only hurt,I've been told I'm cruel for telling things before,I also know if I confess something else will take its place,but I am sick in the mornings, I wake all night,I feel so bad for having this fantasy,trying 4 step and that's exhausting because its every second of the day

[battlethrough]

Had to leave work now, don't know what to do, terrified I will break and confess,what a living hell this is,wish I could see its OK to have those sort of fantasies, just feels wrong to my core

[Binxy]

Come on dude. Same stuff, different day. If you continue to treat it this way you're going to continue to suffer. You know I can't give you reassurance- you have to respond differently. In few months you'll look back at this and feel daft for making a mountain out of something so small. But then you'll no doubt find something else to beat yourself around the head with.... and it goes on. Only you can change your response.

1623 posts- all with the same "I'm a terrible person" subject matter- look at these posts dude. The advice hasn't changed, the subject hasn't changed. It's an obsession, with compulsions: ruminating, coming here for reassurance, telling your Mrs (which is reassurance again by the way) etc.... these are all done to reduce anxiety. And they may do, for a bit. and then it comes around again- you find another angle. OCD dude. OCD.

Edited October 19, 2020 by Binxy

[Armadillo22]

Make sure you're not using empty words with the four steps. Don't make the mistake of robotically repeating 'that's ocd' over and over. It's more important to just become aware of the situation. Try to actually slow down, take some deep breaths. 'Okay, okay. Wait a minute. Stop. This is just OCD. That's the real reason I'm so worked up. Okay, cool, good that I've spotted it. Now I'm just going to put you aside. Feel free to stay around in my head but I'm going to be doing this other thing as these thoughts are worthless junk'. Sometimes you just have to ground yourself. Give yourself permission to not pay attention to the things that are troubling you. Easier said than done but that's the way it is. Make a cup of tea, have a few sips, take a few deep breaths and then pick a few things to do. Maybe your hob needs a wipe, perhaps there's an email you need to respond to. Maybe cook a decent meal. Anything that requires a little bit of focus.

[battlethrough]

Thanks binx, blimey that many posts, what a waste of a life. 

Thanks for the tips armadillo. 

I'm thinking I need to beat this but maby I also should seek a sex therapist, as sexual fantasies are cloaked In secrecy I just don't know if mine are OK as it causes such distress, I ended up in hospital when I confessed I had fantasised about partners sister, yet I've fantasised about friends of hers and now even her adult niece,I wouldn't want any of it to come true but it's as if I have a real problem of the more forbidden the person is the more alluring the fantasy,then of course followed by extreme guilt,I honestly don't think I'd be bothered if they were about celebrates or strangers,as they are not so close to home.or is this purely ocd,I just don't know,this guilt is making me so ill. 

[BrianTS]

I personally think it's normal to fantasise about other people. I do it and I'm not ashamed to say it - as long as you don't act on it it's ok. Quite enjoy it to be honest .

Thoughts are just thoughts they are not actions. You can have thoughts about robbing a bank but doesn't mean you will do it.  

You're being wayyyy too hard on yourself. Just go with the thoughts, accept them and they will eventually fade away.

Good luck

[battlethrough]

Thanks for your time,it creeps me out that I've known my partners niece since she was smaller,now she's a women and developed, she could although not blood be seen as my niece, just feel I should have shut the thoughts down and not actually fantasised,although it was just in my head it has the real element of creepy uncle. 

[BrianTS]

Again it's just thoughts and fantasies. You haven't acted on them so no problem. Being creepy would involve acting on thoughts, making advances etc but you haven't.

You're beating yourself up because of thoughts which we ALL get 

[battlethrough]

Thanks mate. 

Lol now my ocd head has said oh maby when drunk you moved your foot towards her therefore made advances,this illness honestly if was in the form of a man god knows what I'd do to the manipulative cunning horrible thing, it trys every angle. 

So so tired, I'd lose a limb if I had a chance for peice of mind