I’m freaking out

[PolarBear]

Well here's the thing. You don't know and you won't know to a degree of certainty that will satisfy you. And trying to gain certainty is a compulsion and will only lead to more mental anguish. 

You can teach yourself to not freak out when you get the thoughts. Takes time. That, along with adherence to a policy of no compulsions, some ERP and hard work, will lead you away from the hell you are in.

[Ocd10]

On 23/10/2020 at 14:57, Emmaloowho said:

So how do I handle it when I have those fears about the future?  Ignore them?  Not try to think them through?  I feel like if I do that, then I won’t be prepared for when the situation arises. 

Hi EmmaLooWho,

Ok, so what are these things: trying to ignore thoughts, pushing them away, trying not to think them through, trying to neutralise thoughts etc???

You could get in to a loop about not feeling prepared, for when what situation arises etc. but I'm not going to go there, as it won't really help you to move on, I don't think.

But, it does sound you are anxious about the uncertainty about whether you can cope with certain situations, or not. Well, I'm afraid, there's only one way really to find out if you cope or not... ERP.

On 28/10/2020 at 23:11, Emmaloowho said:

 

I guess my main compulsions are: thinking scenarios over and over again to check how I feel about them; worrying about future situations where I may be alone with my son (like when I take him to school); visualizing if I could/would lose control of myself. 
 

I am trying my best not to avoid my son, although there is that desire to just stay away to keep him safe. I know by avoiding him that won’t help things. But I get nervous when he is near, and I feel wrong and dirty sometimes.  It’s heartbreaking because we have always been so close, and we have always been buddies. Now I just feel like our relationship is tainted. 
 

The thing is that I know I don’t desire to do these things, it’s almost more a fear that something will come over me that is out of my control, and that I will do something wrong. When these fears come upon me, it just makes me feel hopeless and scared, like I can visualize losing control, and that makes me feel like I have already done it. The shame and fear is so strong. 
 

I am really trying not to ruminate, but each time I tell myself that I won’t, I seem to get sucked back in by that voice in my head telling me that if it don’t, then I am not being vigilant enough and I won’t be ready for when the bad thoughts/urges hit me, and that then I will lose control. 
 

 

Well done for identifying all of these things as compulsions

Now, it's easy for me to say 'just don't do your compulsions', but we all know it's not that easy and this needs to be done in a manageable and graded way.

If you were to imagine spending some time with your son (just you and your son, eg. watch TV or whatever you enjoy doing together), and you chose which compulsion to try to resist, which would be the easiest compulsion?

How much anxiety does that cause you, just thinking about doing that (0-8)?

Now, perhaps you can spend some time with your son doing something enjoyable together. Try to keep your obsessional thoughts in mind (you will abuse him, that makes you a monster...) as you spend time with him. At the same time, try to resist doing the compulsion(s) that you feel able to resist. 

What happens to your anxiety levels? Are they worse than you expected? Are they lower than you expected? 

Stay with the exercise until your anxiety levels naturally drop to below half of what they were before the exercise.

Then go and do something nice to refocus your attention away from the exercise (cook a meal, watch TV, read a book, whatever it is you enjoy doing).

If you start to ruminate, then do the exercise again or think it through in your mind... deliberately expose yourself to your obsessions whilst trying to resist the compulsions, and let your anxiety levels come down nautrally.

After the exercise, think about things like:

What happened to your anxiety? Was it what you expected or feared? Did you cope with it?

What went well, eg. what compulsions did I manage to resist?

What didn't go so well, eg. which compulsions did I let slip in?

What did you learn - maybe this is that you can spend quality time with your son and things be okay?

Really you need to keep practicing the exercise until the situation doesn't bother you.

Hope this makes sense! How about giving it a go?

Catherine 

 

 

 

[Emmaloowho]

I’m struggling with allowing myself to NOT ruminate. I sort of feel ready to stop all the scenarios and over thinking of situations, but it’s hard to let go. Any tips for when I am in the throes of that feeling how I should handle it?  

Edited November 2, 2020 by Emmaloowho

[PolarBear]

Shift your focus onto something else. Takes practice. And give yourself permission to leave it alone. Not ruminating only says about you that you are taking back control.

Edited November 2, 2020 by PolarBear

[Emmaloowho]

Should I put any stock at all into the feeling that I won’t be prepared for when a situation arises? Like taking my son to school or being alone with him?  I feel like I have to keep visualizing those situations to feel ready for them. So you are saying those feelings need to be ignored?  I don’t need to try to mentally “prepare”?

[PolarBear]

Correct. And honestly, you've been with him countless times when you have had these thoughts. Nothing to prepare for.

[Emmaloowho]

I feel like my biggest hurdle at this point is just controlling my feelings when I am around him. I have to learn that these “urges” or feelings are just the ocd and disregard. That is the most challenging thing for me right now. I was pretty good all day at work but then when I got home and he came downstairs and we were talking I started to feel uncomfortable and analyzing my feelings. It’s going to be hard for me to let that discomfort be there, but I am guessing that I have to let it happen and then not think about how I am feeling.