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Hi all,

I have gotten myself into a pickle with checking my online banking app.

I fear I will lose large amounts of money if I don't keep an ultra tight reign on my bank account expenditure.

Recently I had a few hundred pounds come out of my account for bills. This happens every month. However this time it left me with less money in my account than I thought it would so immediately I'm thinking the bank have made a mistake.

I have checked with a calculator loads of times (at least 20) and there is no mistake. However I'm continuing to check because I'm now thinking I've made the mistake of not checking correctly.

Any advice on what I should do?

Cheers.

B

 

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It may seem obvious but you have to stop checking. You get a thought about your money. The thought mskes you anxious. You think by checking the anxiety will go away. But it doesn't work because soon enough you get another thought. And round and round you go.

Compulsions don't work. They never do. But they do feed OCD, guaranteeing more disturbing thoughts in the future.

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4 hours ago, PolarBear said:

It may seem obvious but you have to stop checking. You get a thought about your money. The thought mskes you anxious. You think by checking the anxiety will go away. But it doesn't work because soon enough you get another thought. And round and round you go.

Compulsions don't work. They never do. But they do feed OCD, guaranteeing more disturbing thoughts in the future.

So I'm wondering whether the cycle can be broken or is it too ingrained? I've let the ocd bully have his way for far too long.

I'm also trying to address the meaning behind these thoughts. I know I have a fear of losing money however I never actually have. The bank has never made a mistake and neither have I. Weird I have this issue.

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First, your behavior can be very ingrained but that doesn't mean it's there forever. You learned to do your compulsions. You can learn to do something else.

Case in point: me. Suffered for nearly 40 years from OCD. Rumination ingrained. I learned to live without it. I learned how not to do it.

Second, trying to find the meaning behind your thoughts is just another compulsion. You need to learn that there is no meaning behind them. They are junk thoughts, with no basis in reality, that become repetitive when you attach meaning to them and react to them with compulsions. 

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58 minutes ago, PolarBear said:

First, your behavior can be very ingrained but that doesn't mean it's there forever. You learned to do your compulsions. You can learn to do something else.

Case in point: me. Suffered for nearly 40 years from OCD. Rumination ingrained. I learned to live without it. I learned how not to do it.

Second, trying to find the meaning behind your thoughts is just another compulsion. You need to learn that there is no meaning behind them. They are junk thoughts, with no basis in reality, that become repetitive when you attach meaning to them and react to them with compulsions. 

Well that's certainly given me hope it can be done.

Resisting is definitely the only way, I just struggle to do this consistently. This morning I did all that checking, didn't feel too anxious until I dwelt on how much checking I did then the waves of intense anxiety came all day. 

Also I haven't been diagnosed with OCD just gad. Therapist said it may not be full blown OCD just worry and recognised I have perfectionist tendencies. Confusing to say the least.

Guess I also need to make a decision on whether to take an SSRI. Don't particulary want to due to side effects but  still of the daily struggle.

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17 hours ago, PolarBear said:

If you have intrusive thoughts thst cause distress and you compulsions to alleviate that distress or to stop a bad thing from happening, you have OCD.

A lot of the time the thoughts aren't particularly distressing but cause a lot of doubt and uncertainty. If then I don't check it can trigger anxiety.

Any thoughts on medication.. SSRI s? 

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1 minute ago, PolarBear said:

A lot of people take SSRIs. Typically they reduce overall anxiety, making it easier to do the work that CBT calls for.

 

Good point, although I feel a stigma taking them and am wary of side effects..sexual dysfunction being one 

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There are reported side effects from SSRIs as there are from all medications. Just look on the leaflets contained in the boxes that contain medicines. But it does not mean that you will experience them.

Edited by Angst
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Hi Brian,

Ok, lets look at your thoughts/actions around your banking...

What is the obsession here (the intrusive thought, image, feeling etc. that causes you anxiety)?

What are your associated compulsions (anything that you do to ease your anxiety)?

To give you a head start... compulsions can be things others could see (for example checking your bank account) or things that others cannot see (for example trying to ignore thoughts, trying to push thoughts away, trying to 'neutralise' thoughts etc.). I would be worried about trying to resist thoughts as this is likely to be a compulsion. We need to learn another way to deal with the thoughts and actions.

Make a list of your compulsions... these are the things we will try to work on :)

As far as being too ingrained goes... I have had severe OCD for 15+ years... but using the techniques I learnt at the National OCD/BDD Service in London I have managed to make a lot of progress on my road to recovery and my OCD is much better than it used to be... so, it's never 'too late' :)

With regards to SSRIs... they can be useful to help with anxiety so that you can tolerate the CBT techniques easier, but it is a choice. Have a chat with your doctor. SSRIs will always start at a low dose and build up, so you could start with a low dose and see what side effects, if any, you experience.

Hope that helps...

Catherine 

 

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10 hours ago, Ocd10 said:

Hi Brian,

Ok, lets look at your thoughts/actions around your banking...

What is the obsession here (the intrusive thought, image, feeling etc. that causes you anxiety)?

What are your associated compulsions (anything that you do to ease your anxiety)?

To give you a head start... compulsions can be things others could see (for example checking your bank account) or things that others cannot see (for example trying to ignore thoughts, trying to push thoughts away, trying to 'neutralise' thoughts etc.). I would be worried about trying to resist thoughts as this is likely to be a compulsion. We need to learn another way to deal with the thoughts and actions.

Make a list of your compulsions... these are the things we will try to work on :)

As far as being too ingrained goes... I have had severe OCD for 15+ years... but using the techniques I learnt at the National OCD/BDD Service in London I have managed to make a lot of progress on my road to recovery and my OCD is much better than it used to be... so, it's never 'too late' :)

With regards to SSRIs... they can be useful to help with anxiety so that you can tolerate the CBT techniques easier, but it is a choice. Have a chat with your doctor. SSRIs will always start at a low dose and build up, so you could start with a low dose and see what side effects, if any, you experience.

Hope that helps...

Catherine 

 

Hi Catherine,

The obsessive thought is fear of losing money, not having a secure amount, a mistake being made - so could be being overcharged, failure to get a refund, bank failing to calculate my balance correctly etc. I feel if I don't check often I'll lose money and it'll be on me because I didn't take care enough and that's irresponsible I guess.

I'm also scared of damaging things I value such as my car or a new item of clothing. So for example if I cut the tag off a pair of jeans and wasn't fully present whilst doing this I'll fear I've cut the jeans and damaged them do I'll check.

Usually it's about money though.

Thanks for the take on the SSRIs. I've been on them before and they did help to an extent but as soon as I came off them it's back to square one. I've had GPs tell me to stay on them for life. To be honest I've never liked being on them, feel a massive stigma and shame. One ex girlfriend told me once 'you can't get through the day without popping a tablet'. That hurt.

Anyway as polar bear says I need to refrain from checking, to break the cycle because rationally speaking I'd rather lose all my money than put up with this **** forever.

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Also I'll check mentally in my head which just fudges my brain and thoughts. Anything which causes me doubt and uncertainty makes me want to check. It's like an intense wave of fear hits me and to cope and make myself feel better I'll check. Some days are worse than others.

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Hi BrianTS,

Okay, so if you were going to try an ERP exercise (Exposure and Response Prevention) you may try something like this:

Do something that brings on your obsession (eg. resting a pair of scissors on a pair of trousers may trigger your thought that you may have cut the trousers).

Try to keep this thought in mind as you resist doing some/all of your compulsions.

Perhaps begin by trying to resist doing your compulsions for 5 minutes (eg. try not to mentally or physically check that the trousers have not been cut for 5 minutes). Gradually build up the amount of time that you delay doing your compulsions for.

All ERP exercises should feel manageable, and so we do them in a graded and gradual way. 

I have just given an example above, but make sure that you start with a) an obsession that you feel confident that you could challenge, and b) to begin with chose one or two compulsions associated with that obsession that you feel confident that you could resist... gradually build up so that eventually you can expose yourself to your obsession while resisting all of your compulsions (it takes time!).

Try not to distract yourself, or allow others to distract you, during the ERP exercise. But once your anxiety levels have reduced by about half then try to refocus your attention on to something you enjoy doing (eg. reading a book, watching TV, chatting to a friend, baking a cake, playing a game, going for a walk etc.). It can be useful to make a list of things to refocus your attention before beginning the ERP exercise. Things like relaxation, breathing control and guided imagery can be useful too to help you to refocus your attention.

It may be worth a try, but it's up to you. 

Remember that we don't have any control over our thoughts, but we can chose what we do about them, so that's the point in which you can decide to try ERP or respond to the thoughts as you have been doing.

Good luck!
Catherine 

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I have tried some exposure therapy for example making recording on my phone informing myself that if I don't check my money all these horrendous things will happen and listening to it several times however it didn't do a great deal. However I gave into the checking and didn't always resist the compulsions.

I've had something recently where I bought an item online for £20 but it was out of stock so got a refund. However I got the £20 refund the day before the money was actually taken and that confused me. So I checked and rechecked. 

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I would feel annoyed though. I'm not sure why it bothers me that I received the refund before the money was actually debited. My brain signals to me that all is not right - something is amiss but in reality I paid for the item and received a refund - just back to front.

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So you'd feel annoyed. That's the worst that could happen. 

Do you see where I'm going with this? Your mind may be telling you this is a huge deal, but is it really? Could it be that a part of your mind is lying and you fall for it every time?

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1 minute ago, PolarBear said:

So you'd feel annoyed. That's the worst that could happen. 

Do you see where I'm going with this? Your mind may be telling you this is a huge deal, but is it really? Could it be that a part of your mind is lying and you fall for it every time?

Yeah I don't think the world will end. I clearly value money too much though.

I see where you are going. My mind's playing tricks on me isn't it making it a problem when there isn't one.

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Hi Brian,

Okay, so if you were to make up an ERP exercise for this £20 situation...

what are the compulsions are doing to ease your anxiety?

which of those compulsions do you feel you could delay doing or limit how long you do them? 
 

For example, if you check your bank account immediately you could try to resist checking for 5 minutes, or if you check your bank account repeatedly, perhaps reduce the amount of time you spend checking or how many times you check in one go. 
 

Try to keep your obsession in mind while you practice the ERP exercise, until your anxiety has reduced by at least half. This can take a while, but anxiety will reduce naturally with time. 
 

when your anxiety levels have dropped, then refocus your attention on to something you enjoy doing. 
 

Are you happy to try that and see what happens? Only try something if you feel it would be manageable though. 
 

If you keep repeating the exercise, you may notice something happening to your OCD...

Catherine 

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