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When does one accept its not OCD?


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43 minutes ago, Dave321 said:

Yes I have an obsession and compulsions.  ERP seems good.

But could it be true I have OCD about being gay but it actually being true at the same time?

Truthfully, absolutely not. It is impossible for someone to have obsessions that they might be gay and for them to be actually gay. Same with pedophile OCD.

Obsessions, which are intrusive thoughts, images, urges, impulses or sensations, are ego dystonic. That means they go against who you truly are.

On the subject of your groinals (see above, intrusive sensations), you aren't aware of this but you have trained yourself to have them when you see a picture of a man. Yup, trained. Just like Pavlov's dogs. 

In case you don't know, Pavlov was a scientist long time ago who did an experiment with dogs. He would ring a bell then feed a dog. He kept doing that. Shortly, the dogs would begin salivating when they heard the bell, even if there was no food.

Same thing has happened to you. The good news is that it can be undone.

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Struggling again.  Can someone give me a definite what to do in this scenario?

I am texting this girl and it got to the stage where it involved a bit of sexting.  Anyway this used to arouse me years ago but in the last number of years it having hardly any effect and find it boring and hardly arousing if at all.

I then say might go onto facebook or instagram and am confronted by images of topless men advertising home exercise equpment for lockdown.  99% of the time I get a groinal response when confronted with these images.

Then I see hot girls photos on instagram and feel nothing.

Then I go to sleep and I would dream and have images of men appear and then I wake up and see that I have an semi erection or erection.  I then sometimes see women in my dreams and when I wake up immediately I check and have no erection.

I am afraid of relationships with women and avoid them because I fear I will be exposed as a closet gay.

If this is ocd how do I deal with these things that are happening?  I really wonder if I am wasting everyones time on here

 

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Hi Dave321,

Okay, keep practicing the last exercise... until it really doesn't bother you any more. 

Perhaps try the exercise with pictures of both men and women, but keep telling yourself you are gay etc. as you do the exercise.

Try to avoid doing as many compulsions as you can... there are a few mentioned in your post above:

- You check to see what response you get when you think about women (don't do this!)

- You check to see if you have had an erection in response to a dream involving both males and females (don't check at all!)

When I was at the National OCD unit there was one patient who used to say "Just do it"... if you want to have a relationship with a woman, then go for it... and enjoy the moments you have together :)

All of this definitely sounds like OCD... keep practicing those ERP exercises ? 

Catherine 

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4 hours ago, Ocd10 said:

Hi Dave321,

Okay, keep practicing the last exercise... until it really doesn't bother you any more. 

Perhaps try the exercise with pictures of both men and women, but keep telling yourself you are gay etc. as you do the exercise.

Try to avoid doing as many compulsions as you can... there are a few mentioned in your post above:

- You check to see what response you get when you think about women (don't do this!)

- You check to see if you have had an erection in response to a dream involving both males and females (don't check at all!)

When I was at the National OCD unit there was one patient who used to say "Just do it"... if you want to have a relationship with a woman, then go for it... and enjoy the moments you have together :)

All of this definitely sounds like OCD... keep practicing those ERP exercises ? 

Catherine 

It feels like I am suppressing same sex attractions. :(

I will do the exercise again. I'm worried these groinals are sexual arousal that I am suppressing and then for women its simply not there.

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9 hours ago, Ocd10 said:

Hi Dave321,

How are you getting on with things?

catherine 

I did the exposure just now and told myself the sensation I was gettign in my groin proved I was gay.  Anxiety was 3 on a scale of 0 to 8.  I looked at a photo of a male topless on a beach with 6 pack.  I tried a number of different photos.  I got a sort of swelling in my perineum as I was doing it.  I dont get erections (not yet anyway) but sort of sexual energy buzzing in my groin.

However I still am anxious this isn't ocd and that I am suppressing my natural attractions. I'm not panicking or freaking out as such but I have this inner dread I am gay and this is all suppressing my natural arousal.  I feel very uneasy inside but would be calm to look at.  I'm scared inside.

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Hi Dave321,

Well done on trying the ERP - are you finding that you feel less anxious each time you try the exercise?

if so, keep practicing it until it doesn’t bother you at all. 
 

You will never know for certain if you are gay or not... that’s not the point if the exercise... the point of the exercise is to eventually be able to live with that uncertainty and not let it bother you :)

Make sure that you try to resist all of your compulsions too... I suspect you may be checking for any sensations for example... best to try to not do that ?

Good luck!

catherine 

 

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  • 2 weeks later...
On 11/11/2020 at 08:45, Ocd10 said:

Hi Dave321,

Well done on trying the ERP - are you finding that you feel less anxious each time you try the exercise?

if so, keep practicing it until it doesn’t bother you at all. 
 

You will never know for certain if you are gay or not... that’s not the point if the exercise... the point of the exercise is to eventually be able to live with that uncertainty and not let it bother you :)

Make sure that you try to resist all of your compulsions too... I suspect you may be checking for any sensations for example... best to try to not do that ?

Good luck!

catherine 

 

Hi.  I keep getting groinals/arousal and I want them to stop.  I just happened to have some film on the tv as aI was browsing the internet on my laptop.  I wasn;t watching the film but it was on int he background.  Anyway I glanced up and the scene changed to some sort of sex scene and they showed this very average lookign midde aged man with a pot belly lying naked on the bed from the belly waist up.   Anyway the split second I saw it I get this reflex arousal surge in my groin and I feel my heart sink as a result.

 

The fact that it is automatic and an unconscious reflex makes me feel sure its a natural arousal sensation for a gay man and that I must be gay.  Its so upsettign because I literally have zero control over this reflex and they just keep happening.

When they happen I feel like I have seen a ghost almost.  No intense fear anymore as I have had this 13 and a half years but like a fright where you would just go quiet and feel a bit of dread like someone told you some really bad news.

I just cant help but feeling I was mistaken all along about who I was and that this is my body screaming at me telling me I'm gay  :(

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Hi Dave321,

Ok, keep trying the ERP :) One needs to repeat ERP exercises until the situation no longer bothers you.

Have you ever had any therapy (CBT + ERP) for your OCD? 
 

I don’t want to provide any reassurance, but try to remind yourself what an obsession is and what compulsions are and see if what you are experiencing fits the bill.

I don’t know, but I would imagine that if you were gay then you would get some pleasure from your feelings, but I get the sense that you don’t, and rather get lots of anxiety... I wonder if this tells us anything?

Try to refocus your attention on to other things and try not to ruminate and analyse quite so much ?

catherine 

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I keep getting  groinals responses/slight arousal instantly to men on tv.  Maybe my fear is conditioned and that the arousal is the real me and I just cant accept it.  The sensations if they happened for women I would describe as pleasurable.  But the exact same sensations for men would scare me and I would interpret them as bad.

My sexual arousal to women has been ins dcline for years and at the moment it is almost rock bottom.  I cant get aroused reflexively by women at all anymore.

I read this article  that basically makes a case for me being gay

https://www.psychologytoday.com/ie/blog/women-who-stray/201703/hocd-clinical-disorder-vs-pseudoscience

Catherine what do I do if I don't believe this is ocd but I just cant accept it or want to act on it and its causing me distress? 

I had online therapy with Dr, Steven Phillipson in New York in 2009/10.  

I live at home with my parents still in my late 30s and just live a  hermit lifestyle because I dont want anyone to get close to me and see the real me.

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