Should I tell my wife about harm intrusive thoughts

[john1978]

Hi guys ,

I went to my medical clinic today and got a different doc to my usual doc I had a bad evening yesterday evening felt really agitated I was fine earlier in the day I basically told her everything about my harm ocd with my wife and kids and she kind of scared me when she said I should not be left alone with the kids and do I have a safe place to stay away from them until my current mental state gets better . She said does my wife know about the harming ocd thoughts I said no then I asked should I tell her and she kinda said maybe but it could really scare her . I don’t think I should but is that me being selfish. She gave me a prescription for 7 days for seroquel and I must see her again Monday at 10 and she also contacted the local hospital  psych outpatient clinic to get me back in there I stopped attending a few years back because I felt absolutely fine I feel a bit worried because she looked worried when I told her about the content of the intrusive thoughts and when she said I shouldn’t be left alone with the kids .Which is causing me a bit of concern 

[PolarBear]

Unfortunately, doctors have  rudimentary understanding of mental disorders and very little understanding of OCD. That is why I often csution against getting too detailed about obsessions with medical doctors.

Harm OCD sufferers are the least likely to harm others. 

Whether you should tell your wife is up to you but don't let it be because you think you should warn her. That is not an issue.

[Ocd10]

Hi John,

Hmmm, ok, this needs some unpicking...

Well done for going to see a doctor about your symptoms  ... it's just such a shame that you've come away with what you have though 

There are several reasons why a doctor, especially one who doesn't know you, might advise such a thing:

- They really don't know anything about OCD and the associated risks (or lack thereof)

- They were trying to ease your anxiety by removing you from the triggering situation (not recommended for OCD)

- They didn't want to commit themselves to a diagnosis and risk getting it wrong and so have erred on the side of caution to protect themselves (but this doesn't help your OCD either).

As for whether or not to share your thoughts and feelings with your wife, that's for you to decide and only you know your relationship. Perhaps the doctor was just warning you to be careful to express things tactfully and explain it's your OCD to your wife, as otherwise she may become anxious and fearful? If your relationship is good, you would be able to explain things and hopefully your wife would take a helpful approach and be there to support you instead though  You don't know how she will react until you tell her. 

It might be helpful to rehearse telling your wife, or role play it, so that you can find the best way for you to let her know. I would suggest being careful not to say 'I want to harm the kids' and instead say something like 'I have OCD and my thoughts are telling me that I want to harm the kids. This is making me feel awful, but I know it's my OCD'.

I agree with PolarBear too that you need to think about why you would let your wife know... if it's to warn her then that will just feed your OCD and cause other unnecessary problems, but if it's to say 'I'm struggling with my OCD' then that is very different.

Good luck, and try the CBT/ERP... that's the only way you can really tackle OCD

Catherine 

 

 

 

[john1978]

37 minutes ago, PolarBear said:

Unfortunately, doctors have  rudimentary understanding of mental disorders and very little understanding of OCD. That is why I often csution against getting too detailed about obsessions with medical doctors.

Harm OCD sufferers are the least likely to harm others. 

Whether you should tell your wife is up to you but don't let it be because you think you should warn her. That is not an issue.

Thanks Polarbear I didn’t really mean to look for reassurance as I honestly know inside how this bully works I just felt a bit vulnerable when I saw her reaction. The meds worked before and should again I’m a bit disappointed in myself that I dropped the mental health outpatient clinic when I started to recover last time as it probably would have helped me avoid this lapse if I checked even a couple times a year . Yes I agree I mean I have had these intrusive thoughts going on almost 20 years now and never acted on them once I don’t think it would be good for my wife for me to tell her about the intrusive thoughts and avoid giving her any unnecessary worry as she only lost her dad in JAn this year unexpectedly and don’t want to add to her emotional strain . I am so grateful to this forum it’s good just to get it out of my head gonna get my head back into that CBT

[john1978]

6 minutes ago, Ocd10 said:

Hi John,

Hmmm, ok, this needs some unpicking...

Well done for going to see a doctor about your symptoms  ... it's just such a shame that you've come away with what you have though 

There are several reasons why a doctor, especially one who doesn't know you, might advise such a thing:

- They really don't know anything about OCD and the associated risks (or lack thereof)

- They were trying to ease your anxiety by removing you from the triggering situation (not recommended for OCD)

- They didn't want to commit themselves to a diagnosis and risk getting it wrong and so have erred on the side of caution to protect themselves (but this doesn't help your OCD either).

As for whether or not to share your thoughts and feelings with your wife, that's for you to decide and only you know your relationship. Perhaps the doctor was just warning you to be careful to express things tactfully and explain it's your OCD to your wife, as otherwise she may become anxious and fearful? If your relationship is good, you would be able to explain things and hopefully your wife would take a helpful approach and be there to support you instead though  You don't know how she will react until you tell her. 

It might be helpful to rehearse telling your wife, or role play it, so that you can find the best way for you to let her know. I would suggest being careful not to say 'I want to harm the kids' and instead say something like 'I have OCD and my thoughts are telling me that I want to harm the kids. This is making me feel awful, but I know it's my OCD'.

I agree with PolarBear too that you need to think about why you would let your wife know... if it's to warn her then that will just feed your OCD and cause other unnecessary problems, but if it's to say 'I'm struggling with my OCD' then that is very different.

Good luck, and try the CBT/ERP... that's the only way you can really tackle OCD

Catherine 

 

 

 

Thank you I have told her that I struggle with OCD anxiety and depression and she knows I have gone to the doctor a few times in the last few weeks over it and I discussed it with her when I came back from the doctor I don’t really want to tell her about the harm OCD if I can help it as she has had a massive amount to deal with in the last year and I will only add further upset I know she would freak out if I told her and definitely panic . I think she knows enough for the moment thanks for the advice really appreciate it’s good to talk it through with people going through it also to gain perspective thank you hope u have a great weekend and same to Polarbear also

[Roopoo47]

Hi John i feel your pain there. I had horrible thoughts when my daughter was born and later horrible thoughts and images. I did tell my wife these she understands that it was my ocd doing this, it helps if you do tell your wife. The fact that your worrying about it says that you are a caring person. 

[john1978]

1 hour ago, Roopoo47 said:

Hi John i feel your pain there. I had horrible thoughts when my daughter was born and later horrible thoughts and images. I did tell my wife these she understands that it was my ocd doing this, it helps if you do tell your wife. The fact that your worrying about it says that you are a caring person. 

Thank you I will tell her in time not right now just because she is going through a really rough time herself right now with her dad unexpectedly dying I’ve got well before and if I did then I can now too I’m so glad I found this forum 

[Roopoo47]

Ye good idea. Definitely not on your own on this John. It was horrendous when i had that even before she was born it was horrendous. I actually though i was a P. And a monster who would snap and strangle her. I should of been happy but i was worrying incase i lost control. I did see a therapist at that time i got through it. I still get the odd thoughts images but i just brush them off, 

[john1978]

2 hours ago, Roopoo47 said:

Ye good idea. Definitely not on your own on this John. It was horrendous when i had that even before she was born it was horrendous. I actually though i was a P. And a monster who would snap and strangle her. I should of been happy but i was worrying incase i lost control. I did see a therapist at that time i got through it. I still get the odd thoughts images but i just brush them off, 

Ah good stuff glad you are in a good space the doctor that saw me today has booked me in to see a psychiatric hub in cork city tomorrow so I will attend for an assessment as she really insisted it’s free so maybe good can start work on getting better for me and my family