Doubt doubt doubt

[Cas24]

I have been to see the crisis team today as I felt like couldn’t cope, I explained some of my thoughts to them but not them all because it was too hard now I feel like I wasn’t honest enough with them because I’m a bad person.

I just feel when I get a thought I should feel like I know that it’s not me, that’s it’s not apart of me but it feels like it is. I doubt everything I think 

they told me the thoughts are not me and the fact I am so distressed by them means that, but I still don’t believe it? 
 

I’m tired of putting my mum and dad through pain they keep picking me up off the floor after I have howled in pain at these thoughts, I just want to be okay again and certain that these thoughts are not a part of me.

[PolarBear]

You can't be certain until you give up your destructive thinking and behavior for a good while.

Right now you are searching for certainty. OCD won't let you have it. So you just go round and round in your head, never reaching a conclusion.

Give up searching for an answer.

[Cas24]

1 hour ago, PolarBear said:

You can't be certain until you give up your destructive thinking and behavior for a good while.

Right now you are searching for certainty. OCD won't let you have it. So you just go round and round in your head, never reaching a conclusion.

Give up searching for an answer.

Thank you as always Polar Bear. I think it’s as though I can’t stand the thought of me being a bad person so I search and search for an answer but the OCD just clouds all my judgement 

[Cas24]

On 30/10/2020 at 17:37, PolarBear said:

You can't be certain until you give up your destructive thinking and behavior for a good while.

Right now you are searching for certainty. OCD won't let you have it. So you just go round and round in your head, never reaching a conclusion.

Give up searching for an answer.

Hi polar bear,

I feel like I may have made some progress, as you may remember I have had the same thought/question going around my head for the past week and it has felt like torture. Tonight I finally had enough and just said ‘okay whatever’ and my aniexty has halved. I know my values are still the same, it just feels like I’m not wrestling with the thought anymore, does this make sense?

I have worries that this may something about me as a person but I think/hoping it just means I have taken some power away from the thought.

what do you think?

[malina]

On 30/10/2020 at 19:33, Cas24 said:

Thank you as always Polar Bear. I think it’s as though I can’t stand the thought of me being a bad person so I search and search for an answer but the OCD just clouds all my judgement 

In my experience, searching for an answer is the big problem. This is how OCD works - it sends you on a maze, you search for the answer but you just get more lost. What ultimately helps is just not engaging. I know that is much easier said than done, it takes consistent effort and practice but it can be done!

[Cas24]

2 minutes ago, malina said:

In my experience, searching for an answer is the big problem. This is how OCD works - it sends you on a maze, you search for the answer but you just get more lost. What ultimately helps is just not engaging. I know that is much easier said than done, it takes consistent effort and practice but it can be done!

Thank you Malina! 
tonight I feel like I have finally turned a corner, after a week of torture I just said ‘okay whatever you say’ and I feel like my anxiety Is the lowest it’s been.

as I said above I am a bit worried if this says something about me as a person but I am hoping it just means I have taken power away from the thought!

thank you for your reply x

[PolarBear]

3 hours ago, Cas24 said:

Hi polar bear,

I feel like I may have made some progress, as you may remember I have had the same thought/question going around my head for the past week and it has felt like torture. Tonight I finally had enough and just said ‘okay whatever’ and my aniexty has halved. I know my values are still the same, it just feels like I’m not wrestling with the thought anymore, does this make sense?

I have worries that this may something about me as a person but I think/hoping it just means I have taken some power away from the thought.

what do you think?

You did perfect. Okay, whatever is a perfect attitude to have about obsessions. Keep doing it!

[Cas24]

On 02/11/2020 at 21:54, PolarBear said:

You did perfect. Okay, whatever is a perfect attitude to have about obsessions. Keep doing it!

Thank you Polar Bear! After a month of hell I am dealing with everything a lot better. A psychologist has agreed it’s OCD and is finding me a therapist that I feel comfortable with. Just need to keep my compulsions down and hopefully end them all together and remain positive. Thank for all your help it really means a lot 

[malina]

Really good to see that things are starting to look up for you @Cas24!