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Harm OCD struggling


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Hi guys , 

I went to an outpatient psych hub for an assessment yesterday and actually thought I was getting a handle on my ocd and anxiety I met with a nurse first who put me at ease who then after a lengthy discussion got the doctor to come in and see me he asked me did I ever come close to acting on the thought this kinda triggered me as I did some things in my past impulsively that I am utterly disgusted ashamed and embarrassed of . I said no as honestly I have never had the desire to actually hurt anyone in my life . Those actions in my past started coming into my head on the drive home and I started to wonder if I acted on these in the past how do I know I won’t act on this . I am on 15mg mertazapine and the last 2 nights 25mg seroquel has been added I woke at 4am this morning and couldn’t go back to sleep and all these thoughts and memories going through my head then I was thinking maybe I should have explained my past guilty actions as to be honest I am absolutely disgusted and ashamed I did these actions but I can’t go back two of the people in the more serious incident forgave me a few years ago but there are other incidents I’m not proud of even if i was very drunk I did an action I’m disgusted I did . The past two nights since I’ve been on seroquel I have woken around 4 although the first night I was able to get back to sleep but not last night I thought the seroquel would help me get a decent sleep i also notice I’m impulsive when it comes to a lot of things like spending money and getting into debt just worried there is more going on than OCD .

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Hi John, 

Sorry to hear that you're struggling at the moment. I too have thoughts about harming people and it really frightens me. Deep down, I know that I won't act on these thoughts but that doesn't make them any less frightening. I've been feeling this way for 6 years and have never acted on the thoughts, so it's probably safe to say that I never will. 

I also spend a lot of time thinking about past actions where I have been unkind or 'bad' to people and it gets me into a terrible state. 

I've been diagnosed with OCD, but often worry that there's something else wrong with me - I think this is common for OCD sufferers. 

I hope you start to feel better soon. Best wishes, Mike 

 

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Hi it’s almost like i,m reading my posts here. I suffer from harm almost all the time. Especially if near people i get urges menstal images of smacking them on the chin. It used to get really bad were i thought i was going to strangle my daughter when she was a toddler. Absolute horrendous. My daughter is 17 . I remember once at the height of my harm one particular night out with friends it was really bad. I got into this situation with a guy in a pub it was almost like i was wanting a fight. He was in my face i felt threatened so i head butted him. Self defence i thought honestly he had a knife no joke. This set me off on a massive anxiety depression because i thought i acted on my thoughts. But i do remember i was not worrying at that time i was in survival mode. Took me a while to get over the difference. There is a difference between the 2. 

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2 hours ago, Roopoo47 said:

I hope my reply isn’t a trigger as i have triggered myself. But it will pass 

Hi Roopoo47 i agree 100% there is a difference and there was nothing wrong with u acting in self defence  I have been through similar experiences  I have had these intrusive thoughts going on nearly 30 years every form of ocd as is common I only recently discovered. I know these thoughts are recurring because I have not done proper CBT or more importantly ERP I have always found a distraction (compulsion) playing football watching a movie or something enough to completely break the loop or so I thought but u are never fully dealing with the bully by doing this as I have discovered through this spike so I will be seeing the psych at the local hospital and hopefully begin CBT and ERP properly as thinking I was fully recovered and I actually had it always lurking in the background. No matter what we all deserve to enjoy life with our loved ones  I’m really glad I found this forum and some of the best people around are on here some great wisdom and insight because sometime when you look at something for so long you don’t realise that your trying to fit a round peg into a square hole . 

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That’s what we all want us to be happier. I have noticed from different types of my ocd worries are like the harm is to ride it out because you can’t stop the thoughts or images. It’s that anxiety feeling you get makes you believe you will act out. Or that anxiety feeling that it’s true it will happen etc. Forums are good to see others posts and sharing your own. 

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  • 4 weeks later...

Hi John, Hi everyone

It's scary to the sufferer harm ocd, I felt ashamed of something that happened in the past, I was 13 years old finishing off some homework then out of nowhere I got these thoughts telling me to stick the pencil into the wire and I went through with this, it ended up I started doing this around the house then I felt so guilty that I used tip-ex  to cover up what I had done. We certainly do deserve to enjoy life and don't let the ocd ruin that for us.  That's a really good post Roopoo47 about the survival mode. The thing is as well is that doctors will ask that question about ever acting on a thought, it can be scary but the doctor or therapists probably have to ask those questions.

Edited by grams88
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