Something weird I did as a kid

[bob54945]

I used to think I was gay, for two years (until I was 15) I was very convinced I only liked the same sex. I have since realised that isn't the case, however something I did back then really worries me. Basically, I think the feeling of acting feminine turned me on I guess, and that coupled with the fact that I did experiance same sex attraction (and ignored the hetrosexual attraction) led me to believe I was gay. My freinds at that time where very supportive and very accepting. I can't remember if it was my idea or theirs but we had the idea that I shouuld try makeup, so I went to their house and I let them put on some make up. The thing is, looking back I think the fact that I was wearing makeup was a sexual thing for me, like a feeling of being feminine and submissive I think. This worries me greatly as I effectivley used my freinds for sexual gratifacation. I want to emphazise that I was VERY confused at the time and my freinds where also very open out their sexuality, I had no idea I was doing it for a sexual reason and just thought 'this is what gay people do, and I am enjoying this' (I know that is a massive genralisation and a homophobic statement but at the time I was so confsued about my sexuality that I believed it) but this still dosen't give me the right to do what I did. I was like 14, I should've known better.

[ecomum]

Hi Bob, I have this same theme of ocd too. 

Thing is there is not a person alive who didn't do something weird or stupid as a kid. Its how we learn and its how we grow. The thing with ocd us it latches on to these things and makes them into something bigger.most people just look back and at best laugh and at worst cringe.

It flares up for me when I am stressed or exhausted . Take time to care for yourself and get busy. Thats what I do,  I get distracted by something demanding or something I like doing and the worry fades and eventually I think, why was I so bothered?

I hope this helps.

[Hdigtts]

That’s great advice from ecomum. There does come a point where we need to leave what happened in the past, in the past. We all have done things, in hindsight, we wish we didn’t do but they are done.