winnebago13 Posted November 16, 2020 Share Posted November 16, 2020 Hi This is the first time I've posted on here. I've suffered from OCD most of my life (but didn't really know it until a few years back). It used to focus on sleep; specifically insomnia and my ability to go to sleep. It still does to some degree. But a horrible new dynamic has emerged over the last few months. I now cannot stop noticing my own thoughts. The fear is not in the noticing but in the absence it produces in my life. I am missing out on so much; its through every interaction, every action, every single second of the day it feels like. I don't know how to even begin to tackle it. I read Adam Shaw and Lauren Callaghan's CBT book about Exposure and Response Prevention. But I am constantly exposed to my worry, have no compulsions (bar the rumination) and can't think of a way to "expose" myself to the fear... Has anyone else had this or know someone who has been through what I am? Kind regards Winn Link to comment
Gemma@OCDUK Posted November 17, 2020 Share Posted November 17, 2020 Hi Winn welcome to the forum I'm sorry to hear that you've suffered from OCD most of your life but I'm really glad that you feel able to reach out on the forum You mentioned that you cannot stop noticing your thoughts, can you explain further what you mean by that? Is it that in noticing the thoughts you can't concentrate on other things? OCD is very unique to the individual so you might not speak to someone with the same or similar obsessions and compulsions so don't worry if you don't, it doesn't mean that you can't challenge your OCD with CBT Gemma Link to comment
winnebago13 Posted November 17, 2020 Author Share Posted November 17, 2020 Hi Gemma Thanks for your reply. Absolutely, yes. It means I can concentrate on nothing else. And I'm missing out on my life. I don't know what to do. This is going to go on forever. i'm already on a high dose of SSRI but nothing is helping. I don't know what to do.... Winn Link to comment
Gemma@OCDUK Posted November 17, 2020 Share Posted November 17, 2020 Hi Winn I understand you feel like it's going to go on forever, lots of sufferers feel that way, but it doesn't mean that it will. OCD is a highly treatable condition with the right support so please don't lose hope. Have you looked into accessing CBT for your OCD? Gemma Link to comment
winnebago13 Posted November 17, 2020 Author Share Posted November 17, 2020 I have tried CBT at least 8 times. It has never worked for me. Link to comment
winnebago13 Posted November 17, 2020 Author Share Posted November 17, 2020 In fact if anyone can think up one of those thought experiments for me “theory A/Theory B” type, I’d be enormously grateful. So far I have to agree with my OCD and anxiety that yes it is indeed ruining my life and I’ll never be able to stop thinking about thinking. There’s no alternative narrative that I can get on board with. Link to comment
Phil Posted November 17, 2020 Share Posted November 17, 2020 Sorry, but can i ask is it OCD or a type of GAD/worry /'what if' thoughts. You say you have no compulsions/even mental compulsions and the sleep issue certainty relates to worry, but what do you think? Phil Link to comment
winnebago13 Posted November 17, 2020 Author Share Posted November 17, 2020 The constant (and I mean constant) rumination is what I’m told is the compulsion. Interesting you say that though. I was told it was a form of hyperawareness ocd. The sleep thing is almost certainly worry though I agree. I’ve had breathing and blinking before too and classic POCD on hurting people. I’ve been able to overcome the others forms over the years but I’m stuck on thoughts. Link to comment
winnebago13 Posted November 19, 2020 Author Share Posted November 19, 2020 I'd be grateful if someone could tell me whether this is OCD or not. It goes like this: Interaction - say a conversation with a neighbour or washing up Thought - "You'll never be able to stop thinking about thinking. Focus. Concentrate" I'm wondering if I've been advised wrongly. Link to comment
Phil Posted November 19, 2020 Share Posted November 19, 2020 Without sounding ruddy obvious, a professional is your best bet. Us humans almost always need certainty ( i.e., what is it?), but occasionally different mental health issues can heavily overlap and jockey for position, depending on circumstances. Some are what is called transdiagnostic and exclusively relevant to the individual. Sounds like a type of negative metacognition has developed, but needs a therapist to work with you and make out a formulation ( conceptualizations) a blue-print of your problems and something to work on with the therapist. with you to target the exact problem/s that distress you ( I am assuming they are distressing). When you say 'constantly' , can you find anytime they are not constant, say when you are in the 'flow' with something/someone. If you can then its not constant, do you think. same with 'You'll never be able to stop thinking about thinking' If you can dispute this and prove it wrong, just once, then that thought has been debunked. Its focusing outside your head rather than introspection/ self - focusing/analysing, that may help. Alongside this, is the rumination, this is usually thinking about the past. ( rumination is a term that comes from cows ruminating with food), the more we negatively ruminate the more we will do it, it becomes habitual/automatic, and we become on autopilot to this. We ruminate to try to problem solve, but it don't work because we are always using emotional reasoning bias, and it develops more questions than answers, which obviously increases intolerance to uncertainty/frustration/obsession etc. Post event processing is the same but usually associated with people with social anxiety and maintains the social anxiety. This is mentally doing a 'post mortem' on a recent/ past social interaction and focusing on the negatives. Not much help i suppose. regards Phil Link to comment
winnebago13 Posted November 19, 2020 Author Share Posted November 19, 2020 Phil - thank you so much for such a detailed reply. I am in the process of finding a therapist and will discuss all this with them. Kind regards Winn Link to comment
Phil Posted November 19, 2020 Share Posted November 19, 2020 Good luck, A caveat though, when I'm talking about negative metacognition I am NOT talking about Adrian Wells Metacognition therapy, this is DIFFERENT, take care -Phil Link to comment
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