This is ridiculous!

[Cora]

13 minutes ago, PolarBear said:

Okay. Well, if you want some help with your OCD, let us know.

I do want help. But this is not OCD. I clearly need some other kind of help. 

[Hdigtts]

6 minutes ago, Cora said:

I do want help. But this is not OCD. I clearly need some other kind of help. 

It is OCD.

[PolarBear]

32 minutes ago, Cora said:

I do want help. But this is not OCD. I clearly need some other kind of help. 

Okay. If you are absolutely convinced this is not OCD, what are you hoping to accomplish here on an OCD forum?

I should also point out that I have 46 years experience with OCD. How much experience do you have?

[Cora]

8 hours ago, PolarBear said:

Okay. If you are absolutely convinced this is not OCD, what are you hoping to accomplish here on an OCD forum?

I should also point out that I have 46 years experience with OCD. How much experience do you have?

Yes, you are right. I have no experience. 

[ocdsufferer85]

I'm the same

Worrying that testing is bad still

And ocd is now conjuring up that I must have done it out of enjoyment..

But no. Its ocd 

Gotta keep fighting

[Cora]

I don't know why but I'm finding it hard to believe that this is OCD. I feel way too disgusted and ashamed to believe that this is OCD. 

I don't mean to be rude or offend anyone but I have this thoughts that people secretly agree that I'm a monster. 

I don't know what I want anymore. I've been feeling so bad today, knowing that I can do such deviant things. I just can't stop feeling bad. I am weird and different in the worst possible way ever compared to anyone else I know. 

I even punished myself last night by restricting myself from eating and hitting myself in the head (I know, I sound like a crazy person) but I don't think that's enough. I'm so terrible. And this feels like it will never end. And I don't even know what to do. Like I literally don't know what to do. How the heck do I move on? And do I actually move on? Argh... 

I just want to end all this... but I don't have the courage.

I'm sorry. I'm a mess. 

 

[malina]

Cora,

what reason do we possibly have to try to convince a person that they have OCD if we think otherwise? That would be complete insanity and wrong on so many levels. You previously said the same about your therapist and I can assure you that they have a legal/professional obligation not to lie to you and pretend that everything is okay. So rest assured that nobody has any hidden feelings about you, because thinking that and not saying anything would make the rest of us pretty bad people too. I really hope that you take this seriously.

I am really worried when you say that you are hurting yourself. Punishing yourself like you describe is dangerous and pointless, it doesn't solve a single thing but makes everything worse. All I can tell you is that if you continue feeling this way, you need to contact your GP and ask for emergency help because you can't keep going in this direction. You clearly need help and if they cannot offer you therapy right now, an emergency appointment of some sort is surely possible. 

[malina]

And now thinking about it, I'm sorry if the above came across as really harsh. I just wanted to be blunt because this message is so important. Please take care of yourself @Cora, please listen to the advice everyone is giving you and don't be scared to bug your GP if you feel you can't cope. You are not alone, there is a community of us sufferers and you're one of us whether you like it or want to believe it  So keep your head up and be responsible. You can do this!

[Cora]

1 minute ago, malina said:

And now thinking about it, I'm sorry if the above came across as really harsh. I just wanted to be blunt because this message is so important. Please take care of yourself @Cora, please listen to the advice everyone is giving you and don't be scared to bug your GP if you feel you can't cope. You are not alone, there is a community of us sufferers and you're one of us whether you like it or want to believe it  So keep your head up and be responsible. You can do this!

Thank you so much for your replies, @malina. I hope you are doing okay! 

Don't worry, nothing you said came across as harsh, I promise. 

I don't want to sound like a baby, but I just feel so defeated. Almost every day is a huge struggle for me. I can never have a rest from feeling guilty, ashamed and disgusted with who I am. Or I can never be free from urges and weird feelings. Only earlier I had some disgusting urges to hurt my brother and it was terrifying.

I really feel like there is no point for me to carry on. I'm a failure at everything; because of my mood I'm having difficulty keeping with my uni work (to be honest, I haven't done any work at all in the past 2 weeks), I pick fights with my family and boyfriend, and simply have no (normal) life. Yes, there are days when I feel better but that's all fake, I think.

You don't have to reply to this, malina. I just wanted to vent. Plus, you've helped me sooo much already. But thank you for reading. 

I hope you have a peaceful and calm night. 

[malina]

1 minute ago, Cora said:

Thank you so much for your replies, @malina. I hope you are doing okay! 

Don't worry, nothing you said came across as harsh, I promise. 

I don't want to sound like a baby, but I just feel so defeated. Almost every day is a huge struggle for me. I can never have a rest from feeling guilty, ashamed and disgusted with who I am. Or I can never be free from urges and weird feelings. Only earlier I had some disgusting urges to hurt my brother and it was terrifying.

I really feel like there is no point for me to carry on. I'm a failure at everything; because of my mood I'm having difficulty keeping with my uni work (to be honest, I haven't done any work at all in the past 2 weeks), I pick fights with my family and boyfriend, and simply have no (normal) life. Yes, there are days when I feel better but that's all fake, I think.

You don't have to reply to this, malina. I just wanted to vent. Plus, you've helped me sooo much already. But thank you for reading. 

I hope you have a peaceful and calm night. 

Yes, things are better today, thanks for asking @Cora 

I think you should also really reach out to your university, I think your personal tutor would be the person to speak with. They can help you get extensions and stuff like this. I don't think you have to give them too much info, but it's also good to let them know about your problem because it's obviously affecting your work. 

I get you though, you've been suffering for so long now and it's hard to keep the motivation and optimism going. But go easy on yourself, having fights with your family and your boyfriend isn't the end of the world, we all lash out sometimes. They will get over you being moody, that is just part of life. Just hang in there and don't you dare give up! Even in the worst moments, we always have a chance to turn things around and improve them, so keep going, you will find a way! 

[Cora]

53 minutes ago, malina said:

Yes, things are better today, thanks for asking @Cora 

I think you should also really reach out to your university, I think your personal tutor would be the person to speak with. They can help you get extensions and stuff like this. I don't think you have to give them too much info, but it's also good to let them know about your problem because it's obviously affecting your work. 

I get you though, you've been suffering for so long now and it's hard to keep the motivation and optimism going. But go easy on yourself, having fights with your family and your boyfriend isn't the end of the world, we all lash out sometimes. They will get over you being moody, that is just part of life. Just hang in there and don't you dare give up! Even in the worst moments, we always have a chance to turn things around and improve them, so keep going, you will find a way! 

I'm glad things are better today, malina. 

Thank you so much for your support and help! 

[Cora]

I know this is stupid but I just have to ask: after reading my posts, especially the ones from yesterday, does anyone think I'm a terrible person? 

Again, I know it's stupid but I think I just need reassurance big time at this moment. Yes, it won't help in the long run, but I just feel so miserable and hopeless. 

Of course, if anyone thinks otherwise, please let me know. That's absolutely fine. 

[PolarBear]

How about we don't give you any reassurance because we aren't here to help you with your compulsions.

And how about you try to set aside the thoughts until a later time so you can do some other, normal things.

[OxCD]

53 minutes ago, Cora said:

I know this is stupid but I just have to ask: after reading my posts, especially the ones from yesterday, does anyone think I'm a terrible person? 

Again, I know it's stupid but I think I just need reassurance big time at this moment. Yes, it won't help in the long run, but I just feel so miserable and hopeless. 

Of course, if anyone thinks otherwise, please let me know. That's absolutely fine. 

@Cora I don’t want to be mean, but do you realise you sound like a drug addict? Just one more high.... I just really need it....

You really need to work on weaning yourself off this or like an addict you will make yourself more and more ill.

You’ve got tremendous support from kind and knowledgeable people on here. Why don’t you start listening to them?

And before you reply - think carefully. I don’t want an apology. I don’t want you to put yourself down. I want you to get hold of yourself and do something brave to get yourself better. You can do it.

[Cora]

@OxCD and @PolarBear, please don't be mad at me, but I just want to know if people really think I'm a terrible person. For some reason it seems like that's very important for me at moment. 

I've had a fine morning, which was good for a change, but I still feel ashamed and guilty, especially knowing that there is a great chance I am a very, very bad person, capable of so many deviant things. 

[OxCD]

3 hours ago, Cora said:

@OxCD and @PolarBear, please don't be mad at me, but I just want to know if people really think I'm a terrible person. For some reason it seems like that's very important for me at moment. 

I've had a fine morning, which was good for a change, but I still feel ashamed and guilty, especially knowing that there is a great chance I am a very, very bad person, capable of so many deviant things. 

@Cora I don’t think you’re listening. I’m not mad at you in any way. Your behaviour does not negatively affect my life.

What you choose to do only affects your own life. 

Maybe pause for a minute and let that sink in.

Your choices - your life.

I’m just trying to offer help to someone in a great deal of pain - like I hope people would for me. And by help I don’t necessarily mean being overly sympathetic - as this doesn’t appear to have gone in. I mean giving you honest choices about how to start getting yourself better.

That means not answering this question of whether you are a terrible person. I know you want an answer. But you won’t get one from me, or one from anyone else that will satisfy you for very long.

You can’t always have certainty. It’s annoying - I hate it. But it’s true and that’s the way the world is. So the way to enjoy your life is to get used to it. Not try and find answers that can’t be found.

You're chasing the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. But it’s simply unattainable and you will cause yourself great pain if you ignore us and keep trying.

Edited November 24, 2020 by OxCD

[Cora]

9 minutes ago, OxCD said:

@Cora I don’t think you’re listening. I’m not mad at you in any way. Your behaviour does not negatively affect my life.

What you choose to do only affects your own life. 

Maybe pause for a minute and let that sink in.

Your choices - your life.

I’m just trying to offer help to someone in a great deal of pain - like I hope people would for me. And by help I don’t necessarily mean being overly sympathetic - as this doesn’t appear to have gone in. I mean giving you honest choices about how to start getting yourself better.

That means not answering this question of whether you are a terrible person. I know you want an answer. But you won’t get one from me, or one from anyone else that will satisfy you for very long.

You can’t always have certainty. It’s annoying - I hate it. But it’s true and that’s the way the world is. So the way to enjoy your life is to get used to it. Not try and find answers that can’t be found.

You're chasing the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. But it’s simply unattainable and you will cause yourself great pain if you ignore us and keep trying.

Okay, @OxCD. I understand. 

[OxCD]

13 minutes ago, Cora said:

Okay, @OxCD. I understand. 

Stay positive @Cora. You can do this. Be strong.

[Tiger297]

4 hours ago, Cora said:

@OxCD and @PolarBear, please don't be mad at me, but I just want to know if people really think I'm a terrible person. For some reason it seems like that's very important for me at moment. 

I've had a fine morning, which was good for a change, but I still feel ashamed and guilty, especially knowing that there is a great chance I am a very, very bad person, capable of so many deviant things. 

Look, people wouldn't be trying to help you as much as they are if they really thought you as terrible as say you are. That's all you're getting out of me on that front.

Cora, you clearly need to try a new tactic. Whatever you're doing at the moment isn't working. So, why not listen to everyone here?

Stop, as best you can, with the compulsions. Don't get involved with the rumination, questioning etc. Your mind will kick and scream. And you'll have moments where you slip back into your old ways. But trust me, the more you leave it alone, the better you will feel. It won't happen overnight, but you can make good progress quite quickly if you stick at it.

Then, when you've calmed down, you'll see this for the sillyness it is. We've all been there a thousand times or more.

You can do it.

[Cora]

I'm so sorry everyone. Something monstrous just happened.

I was on instagram and someone posted a picture of the their child. For some reason I started to stare at the child's butt and felt a very strong groinal sensation. I had terrible, terrible thoughts - some of them weren't even intrusive, which scares me so much. It was awful. But the most awful part was that I was about and felt like I wanted to masturbate to that. Yes, I actually felt like I was seconds away from acting on it. After that I checked two more times and (thankfully) the feeling/sensation wasn't there. But that doesn't change what happened in the first place. I'm very confused.

You all say I can do it but I'm afraid I can't. I'm just so terrible. 

Edited November 25, 2020 by Cora

[PolarBear]

Let us know when you want help with your OCD.

[Cora]

2 minutes ago, PolarBear said:

Let us know when you want help with your OCD.

I know, I really didn't want to post here again. I've had so many triggers today and managed to move on. But this one was so BAD! I'm confused. What happened was just indescribable. 

[PolarBear]

They're all bad, Cora. If you looked back at all your posts over months, you would see a steady repetition of the same thing, over and over. 

You get an obsession. You freak out. You act like it's the worst thing ever. Then the next one comes along, you freak out, etc. 

It's all the same thing. 

[Cora]

Hi, 

I have a question. Is there such a thing called false attraction in OCD?  

I'm asking this because earlier in the evening my brother and I were watching The Christmas Chronicles 2 and it felt like I the found the little girl (one of the main characters) attractive. No matter how hard I tried to tell myself that's not true or even force myself to not feel that way, the feelings (of attraction) were still there. I kept looking (more like staring really) at the girl hoping the feelings would go away, but they never did. Of course, I even had a disgusting thought about wanting the girl to be older, which made me freak out as much as the feelings.

I'm trying my best to treat this as OCD (even though I still doubt that this is my actual problem), but I still feel like very bad. I feel like I need to punish myself for having such feelings and thoughts. I really hoped I would have a calm and peaceful night, but I guess I was wrong because I'm feeling anxious again.    

[Cora]

Yes, I checked again and I still find her attractive. I find a 13 year old girl (I googled the movie and it showed everyone's age) attractive. Could this get any better?