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Why are my thoughts so monstrous and nasty


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I don’t understand why my thoughts are so awful. I can’t believe by brain/mind actually creates such awful and evil thoughts. It’s every time I’m in a relationship this one I am in now is the happiest and healthiest and still these thoughts continue. It’s like there out there to ruin my relationship, any sick thought that could potentially ruin or jeopardise my relationship gets put into my head. It’s mostly comparing (when I don’t actually care about anything I’m thinking about/comparing) or my minds like ‘your wishing this’ or ‘your comparing that’ and it’s ALWASY sexualised and always uses past sexual encounters to compare with. It really upsets me because I can’t remember being so happy in a relationship and so settled and looking forward to the future with no stress, the only stress I have are my own sick, disgusting thoughts. ☹️. I feel like I’m being so unfair having them, on my partner ☹️

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Hi Chels,

I would say that the only person you're being unfair on is yourself. You can't help having these thoughts so don't be so hard on yourself ?

OCD always takes the form of thoughts that will cause you the most distress as it's always the things you value the most that it will 'intrude' on.

I've had similar thoughts about my fiancée, where I have doubted things, compared her to other people, etc... and it is really horrible and it's made me feel horrible but I keep reminding myself that it is my OCD and I keep trying to put my therapy into practice (plus I remind myself that if I didn't love or care for her then I wouldn't get the thoughts at all!)

I would just advise you to not be so hard on yourself and don't engage with the thoughts. When they come, just try and gentle change your thoughts to something else.

Does your partner know how you OCD at all?

Symps

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Hi @Symps07 and thank you for your reply. My partner knows I have OCD and I have explained it to him but all he says is it’s hard for him to understand and for me to just not tell him then he won’t be hurt by it/the thoughts. Although that makes complete sense it’s the not confessing that I struggle with SO MUCH as I feel so bad about it. I just hate that I overthink so much and I can’t just have a thought and react to it like anyone else ☹️, I try but it’s so hard when I’m in a relationship the urge to confess seems 100x worse ☹️ 

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Everyone has weird thoughts sometimes. Even people who don’t suffer from ocd. It’s the way we react to these thoughts that causes the problem. Try not to engage with them. The way I’ve started reacting is when I get an instructive though I just think ‘wow, that was weird’ then laugh and push it to the back of my mind. It’s hard and it doesn’t always work but it sometimes manages to get the thoughts unstuck. 
 

Hope you feel better soon, I know it’s tough :-(. 

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I feel like I could have written your original post, so know you are not alone.

We all have weird and sometimes distressing thoughts. As the above poster has said, it is how we react to them. Like you, I seem to get involved in debating with myself whether a particular thought was genuine or something else. I've got to the point where I even anticipate thoughts. Then they come and I wonder whether I thought that on purpose or not.

Trick is to simple not get involved in debating with yourself or worrying about a manner of a thought. If you don't like a thought, that is enough of a reflection on your character as any. But even if you reassure yourself like this, your mind will think of something else. So, leave it alone and as time goes back, you can chalk it up as silliness.

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