Losing it, Feel like this is all just about accepting suffering

[humbleno1]

I dont think there is anyway out of this, you literally have to suffer, to overcome this ocd. Im getting trapped because my memory is bad, I dont know whats real and what isnt at times, Its torturous and nobody has any answers the only thing I can assume is that, I am to accept my suffering, and if I accept it it somehow doesnt feel as bad, but still there. This is despairing, its sucking the life out of what little life i have, sigh... the memory issue is a real problem for me because it can twist anything.

[Petey]

If you had a permanent thorn in your foot it would be painful. But if you had anaesthetic to numb the pain you’d still have the thorn in your foot but you’d be able to walk around and focus on things you enjoy. Sorry for the strange analogy, but my point is this; acceptance of the suffering frees up mental space that can be filled with the things you actually care about. 
 

You mention memory issues. If this relates  second guessing if something either did or didn’t take place/happen. This is just another trap that OCD can create. It has just the right amount of ambiguity to keep you fixated on it. Accepting this as a series of thoughts and refocusing on what you truly value takes time, but will ultimately allow you to live again. 
 

Petey

[malina]

Hey @humbleno1, I don't think you have to resign yourself to suffering, but not dwelling on it really helps. You have a mental health problem, it's really hard and maybe you should just be gentle with yourself. Maybe you are suffering, but there is no need to add to it by suffering about the fact that you are suffering, if you get what I mean! There can still be good moments, even when you're going through something painful. I know it's a complete cliche, but I've been in a really bad place with OCD myself and learning to appreciate even the small positives really helps. Take care and stay strong!

[humbleno1]

6 hours ago, humbleno1 said:

I dont think there is anyway out of this, you literally have to suffer, to overcome this ocd. Im getting trapped because my memory is bad, I dont know whats real and what isnt at times, Its torturous and nobody has any answers the only thing I can assume is that, I am to accept my suffering, and if I accept it it somehow doesnt feel as bad, but still there. This is despairing, its sucking the life out of what little life i have, sigh... the memory issue is a real problem for me because it can twist anything.

 

5 hours ago, Petey said:

If you had a permanent thorn in your foot it would be painful. But if you had anaesthetic to numb the pain you’d still have the thorn in your foot but you’d be able to walk around and focus on things you enjoy. Sorry for the strange analogy, but my point is this; acceptance of the suffering frees up mental space that can be filled with the things you actually care about. 
 

You mention memory issues. If this relates  second guessing if something either did or didn’t take place/happen. This is just another trap that OCD can create. It has just the right amount of ambiguity to keep you fixated on it. Accepting this as a series of thoughts and refocusing on what you truly value takes time, but will ultimately allow you to live again. 
 

Petey

 

yeh i always second guess things, but i actually do have memory issues aswell, which obviously my ocd can play on further, i also doubt what im capable of, or my self control, this is like a living hell if u ask me, i dont know what to do right now.

[PolarBear]

It's not clear if you have memory issues or you are hyperaware when you can't remember something perfectly.

None of us remember everything or things perfectly. 

[humbleno1]

On 01/12/2020 at 22:11, PolarBear said:

It's not clear if you have memory issues or you are hyperaware when you can't remember something perfectly.

None of us remember everything or things perfectly. 

I understand what you are saying and I do think there are factors of both of that, Im just fed up had this happen again today, set me off, but I literally forget what I have just done, its like a gap, where I cant remember the last 30 seconds, at times, especially if ive switched off from monitoring what im doing.

Any tips on how to deal with this? Lets make the assumption I do have some memory issues here, because I dont think that should fully be called into question, that is not an ocd issue for me, its only how it is effecting the ocd.

[snowbear]

14 hours ago, humbleno1 said:

 I literally forget what I have just done, its like a gap, where I cant remember the last 30 seconds, at times, especially if ive switched off from monitoring what im doing.

Any tips on how to deal with this? Lets make the assumption I do have some memory issues here, because I dont think that should fully be called into question, that is not an ocd issue for me, its only how it is effecting the ocd.

Hi humbleno 1,

The fact you regularly can't remember the last 30 seconds with accuracy (even a gap of considerable time can be a complete blank) is completely normal brain function. The brain is designed NOT to remember every detail because to do so would use up it's processing capacity in seconds and the ability to function would grind to a complete halt. Most of your life you've been unaware of this because you weren't obsessed with trying to remember or checking your memory. Now you try to recall every detail you've become aware of a perfectly normal part of your brain function.

The problem isn't the gaps in memory, but that you've become concerned about them.

My tip is to simply recognise your brain is working normally, doing an efficient job of remembering what's important and not bothering with what's unimportant. Take the fact you have a gap in recall as a sign whatever happened during that time wasn't life threatening, important or of interest to your brain so it simply didn't bother to process those seconds through your memory channels. Your brain is happy to treat it as fluff and nonsense, so maybe you can too?

Let go of the idea you should be able to remember every detail. The anxiety around this issue will gradually reduce as you pay less attention to the inner workings of your brain and get back to focusing on what's going on around you in the bigger picture.

[Captain Trips]

This is my OCD theme also. My OCD constantly nags me that I can't remember something, or that I need to remember everything I said or did or what other people say to me. At its worst, this led to being stuck in the compulsion of writing down every thought I had as it came into my head as they happened and completely took away my life. Literally hundreds even thousands of thoughts a day or things I felt were important to remember. I call it 'memory hoarding' and is kind of like keeping objects I feel are useful or have sentimental meaning attached to them.

Whilst it is still a problem for me I am getting better at leaving it alone. You WILL remember the important things.... As snowbear said, you brain is designed to forget all the non important things and the more you try to engage with this, the more unwell you will become as it is an impossible task.