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Genuine thoughts and non genuine. Any help?


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What I seem to struggle with most is the possibility that some thoughts that I have (now often harmful, or completely irrational and disturbing) are genuine thoughts that I am just trying to suppress.

I keep having this thought of my loved ones and poking their eyes out of hitting their heads against a wall. It makes me physically wince. I can be reading a book among loved ones trying to get rid of these thoughts, and Ill inhale hugely to try and push it away. Or I'll start tapping something. I'm sure they think I'm going mad.

I usually get these thoughts when I am frustrated with a person. So I sometimes wonder whether I am genuinely horrible and want to do that to someone. However, I know that I shouldn't be thinking those things. But what if that is just who I am?

I had these thoughts about my dad when I was a little younger. Because he was quite strict with me and I missed out on a lot of things as a kid, I had thoughts like I'd be free if he died or something. Then I never knew whether they were genuine thoughts or not and I felt awful. I adore my dad and today we get on really, really well.

It's the same with my GF. If I'm feeling frustrated about something in my relationship and then she is late home from work or something, my mind will think, "maybe she has been in an accident" and then it will go to, "be then you will be out of this situation". How can I be with someone if I might have had such a thought about them? I love her to absolute pieces. But do I have a split personality or something?

 

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You have OCD.

There is no such thing as genuine and non-genuine thoughts. They're all just thoughts. What makes them different is how you react to certain thoughts.

A thought pops into your head, I need to get milk on the way home. You want that thought, so you file away the reminder and then you forget about it.

Another thought pops in about smashing someone's head in the wall. You freak out and you do compulsions, like breathing a certain way or tapping. That's where you get into trouble. Freaking out and doing compulsions is you reacting to the thought.

Edited by PolarBear
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