Confused about what my therapist meant

[canigetawitness]

I was sitting and got the random intrusive thought "Go smear soap all over your TV and yourself." It was a thought. It's my understanding that we aren't supposed to do anything with intrusive thoughts.

My therapist, who works with OCD, said "In the grand scheme of things, it wouldn't matter whether you smeared soap all over your TV or yourself."

I don't understand what they meant by that. I thought the whole point was to allow the random, intrusive thought ("Smear soap on your TV.") to be there without doing compulsions. I'm not sure what the purpose of digging into the content is like my therapist has. With OCD out of the picture, it'd still bother me to to smear soap everywhere. In fact, leaving soap lathered and dried on the screen would damage the pixels and screen. I don't think smearing soap on my TV screen would help move me forward in any way...

I'm confused why my therapist said "In the grand scheme of things."? It's causing me a lot of distress and throwing me off in what I'm supposed to be doing therapy wise.

I thought we accepted the thought itself, not the content inside of the thought.

[Agrippina]

I appreciate what you mean... My therapist sometimes asks me what would be the outcome if such and such intrusive thought did come true, perhaps that is all they meant? Like so if you had smeared soap all over the tv what would happen then, would that really be a big deal?

But I do take your point that the content of the thought is irrelevant.

[malina]

I think that, a lot of the time, we tend to caastrophise and think that our fears are the worst possible thing, which is why it is so hard to move on from them. Sure, it wouldn't be ideal to smear soap all over your TV, but it's also not the worst thing you could do. I think it's just a reinforcement that it's okay to ignore the thought.

[Handy]

Definitely ask your counselor.

[canigetawitness]

Where I'm confused is that aside from OCD, lathering my TV screen in soap would bother me. In reality, that'd likely damage the screen .

I know it wouldn't be the end of the world if my TV was damaged. At the same time, watching film is a hobby and love of mine that OCD has been attacking for a long time. 

So if it would bother me to lather my screen in soap, does this mean there's something wrong with me?

Edited December 9, 2020 by canigetawitness

[PolarBear]

No, but the fact you are stuck on this one comment from your therapist is a problem. That comment has become an obsession. 

[canigetawitness]

I suppose it has. It was really triggering. I'll try to move on.

[PolarBear]

[canigetawitness]

I don't know how to move on from this. My therapist won't talk to me about it. I just want to be able to sit and watch my TV. I don't want to smear soap all over it & damage the screen.

[PolarBear]

You don't have to. No one is making you do it.

This isn't about soaping your TV. This is about a silly thought grtting stuck in your head. You make it so much worse by doing compulsions. I'm sure you've been ruminating like crazy.

Let it go.

[Caramoole]

On 09/12/2020 at 23:47, PolarBear said:

No, but the fact you are stuck on this one comment from your therapist is a problem. That comment has become an obsession. 

 Agreed

The worry about the initial thought, the worry about the therapists comment, the need for clarification are all part of the condition and causing you to ruminate (think it through) in order to feel a sense of certainty and find relief.  There isn't a perfect formula as such, there's almost always a "Yes but......what if this means, what if that isn't right, what if....."

You have to sometimes settle for that "This is more than likely another aspect of my OCD that exploring won't help" and do your best not to get into rumination.  It's tough and confusing, I know

[canigetawitness]

I reached out to my therapist with this:

"I've been struggling with something that's come up since we met this morning. It's similar to the noise that's already in my head, but it's taken a slightly new twist. When we talked about how it wouldn't matter in the grand scheme of things if there was soap smeared on the TV or myself, my mind quickly started thoughts up like "Well see, if it's not that important, expose yourself to it. Smear soap across your TV and on your body, leave it until you habituate." I've been trying to dismiss this thought as another worry trick. However, I get particularly stuck because smearing soap across my TV would bother me aside from OCD, and I get anxious about what that means about myself."

 

And she responded with this:

 

"Good questions. It does sound to me like these are still the same types of thought traps we discussed earlier today, so while I know it is difficult to do- my recommendation would be to not engage/participate in the "what should I do about this thought/urge" line of thinking at all. 

Instead, any time that comes up for you, use it as your cue to get out of your head and instead work on trying to be more present in the here/now. Keep working on getting out of the house, walking, seeing your friend, and doing things that are meaningful that you enjoy. Each time your mind wanders back to the unhelpful thoughts, bring your attention back to your surroundings, your 5 senses, or whatever you are doing in the moment. 

In other words, drop the rope and find something else to do."

 

Do you think this means she didn't actually want me to smear my TV in soap when she said "in the grand scheme of things it wouldn't matter"?

[PolarBear]

You need to listen to and understand what your therapist wrote in her response. It's basically what I said earlier.

You are fixated on a trivial sentence.  That is OCD at work. 

Really, reread her response and work on what she suggests.

[canigetawitness]

I think she's saying she wants me to let it go, not smear soap, watch TV as I like and move on.

 

[canigetawitness]

I'm stuck on what she meant by "in the grand scheme of things it wouldn't matter". I'm equating this phrase with it meaning that I do need expose myself to soap lathered on my TV to prove it wouldn't bother me. But honestly, it would bother me anyway, because actually doing that would likely damage my screen.

Edited December 11, 2020 by canigetawitness

[malina]

4 hours ago, canigetawitness said:

I'm stuck on what she meant by "in the grand scheme of things it wouldn't matter". I'm equating this phrase with it meaning that I do need expose myself to soap lathered on my TV to prove it wouldn't bother me. But honestly, it would bother me anyway, because actually doing that would likely damage my screen.

I think it would bother most people, but if someone without OCD gets a random thought like this, they don't spend days thinking about it. And your therapist is right, it may bother you or really make you mad or whatever, but you wouldn't die from it either. I think you should really let this go, it was just a senseless thought.

[canigetawitness]

 

I'll keep trying to let it go.

I wonder if she knew having soap smeared on my TV would damage my TV in the first place. Maybe that's why she said it wouldn't matter in the grand scheme of things. Or maybe she thinks a broken TV also wouldn't matter in the grand scheme of things. 

Maybe neither would matter in the grand scheme of things, but that doesn't mean I need to actually smear soap.

 

 

Edited December 11, 2020 by canigetawitness

[PolarBear]

1 hour ago, canigetawitness said:

 

I'll keep trying to let it go.

I wonder if she knew having soap smeared on my TV would damage my TV in the first place. Maybe that's why she said it wouldn't matter in the grand scheme of things. Or maybe she thinks a broken TV also wouldn't matter in the grand scheme of things. 

Maybe neither would matter in the grand scheme of things, but that doesn't mean I need to actually smear soap.

 

 

The above is you ruminating. It's evidence of you still stuck on this, going over it in your head.

[canigetawitness]

Do you have any tips on how to stop ruminating? It feels so automatic. I don't want to be doing it. It's causing a lot of pain. At the same time, I don't know how to turn my brain off.

[MentalChecker]

canigetawitness, 

Please understand that what i'm about to say is purely to illustrate how OCD operates, and its not to belittle you in any way, and hopefully you won't get any reassurance from it!

However, I really do wish (as I'm sure a lot of others on this forum also wish) that I only had Obsessions like this to worry about.....

You won't be able to see that this worry you have is really something so trivial, and that it's really not worth worrying about, as the OCD has attached itself to something you care about so much, and this is exactly what OCD does best!

This is why us sufferers find it so difficult to deal with OCD, because it latches onto the very things we care about the most!

However if there is one thing us sufferers can do, it should be to learn from posts like yours (and this post that im writing now) to understand that when we are in the midst of an OCD meltdown, that it really isnt as bad as our mind is telling us it is..... 

As mentioned before i wrote the above, its meant purely to illustrate and nothing more

Stop engaging with the worry about the TV and also what your therapist said.

You can't think your way out of an obsession, it's a trap, and engaging will only ever cause more anxiety not less. 

 

[PolarBear]

24 minutes ago, canigetawitness said:

Do you have any tips on how to stop ruminating? It feels so automatic. I don't want to be doing it. It's causing a lot of pain. At the same time, I don't know how to turn my brain off.

I suggest you go to YouTube and look up the video 'How to Stop Ruminating' by Dave Preston. That's me.

 

[MentalChecker]

14 hours ago, canigetawitness said:

Do you have any tips on how to stop ruminating? It feels so automatic. I don't want to be doing it. It's causing a lot of pain. At the same time, I don't know how to turn my brain off.

With OCD the more you do something the more you will do it, however it also works the other way, the less you do the less you will do. Sounds a little strange that doesn't it? But it's the truth. 

You are the one who is causing yourself to ruminate, nobody else, therefore you are also the one who needs to stop yourself ruminating.... 

Why do we ruminate? We ruminate for reassurance and to reduce our anxiety. 

If we don't ruminate, and we don't reassure ourselves, and accept the anxiety, it will eventually fade away all on its own, and the more you practice this the easier and quicker it will happen each time. 

It isn't easy at first, trust me I had many serious meltdowns and ended up in A&E, however I ended up learning to manage my condition a lot better now by not engaging and not reassuring myself, as I now realise that the reason I ended up in those bad dark places was due to me engaging and reassuring which ultimately caused significant stress and anxiety.

I don't know what stage you are at regarding levels of stress and anxiety, however I would seriously recommend that you learn to manage the condition now before it takes over you.... 

Edited December 12, 2020 by MentalChecker

[canigetawitness]

My rumination has moved from wondering what she meant. I've accepted that I won't ever know and that I can only move forward with uncertainty. My anxiety has found something new to latch onto though. When I asked my therapist "I guess when we talked about how all things considered, soap smeared on the TV wouldn't be a big deal, you were just saying even if that somehow came to be & there was damage, it wouldn't be the end of the world? Not to actually test it out?"

My anxiety has latched onto my phrasing of "Not to actually test it out?" I'm wondering if I phrased this correctly and should have used "Not to actually do an exposure" rather then "Not to actually test it out", because now my mind is telling me these are different things. I can accept that she probably didn't want me to do an exposure, but what if she wanted me to "test it out"? I want to think these are the same thing, but my mind is saying "test it out" is something different than "doing an exposure". And so I'm worried if I confused her when asking this and if she knows what I meant.

 

My logic:

Would my therapist want me to do it?  > No.

Would my therapist want me to test it out? > You'd still be doing it > So no.

My anxiety: Yes, but what if "testing it out" is different than "exposure"? What if her not responding was proof she wanted you to "test it out"?. What if she's confused by what "test it out" means? Do you know what "test it out" means? What if you both forgot about "testing it out" and it's something that needs to be addressed & carried out? She doesn't want you to do an "exposure", but what about "testing it out?"

 

 

Edited December 15, 2020 by canigetawitness

[PolarBear]

This is all nonsensical OCD mumbo jumbo. As with your previous obsession, leave this alone.