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Sex, OCD & Relationships


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I’m going to write about something that has destroyed me!

As a male I tried to date other women and confined in the difficulties that I have faced within my life along with the fact that I also suffer with OCD which needs to appreciated when establishing a relationship/connection with someone. Which does make me feel ‘less comfortable’ and to a lesser degree ‘less confident’ when it comes to having sex. The times I have took the time to confine in my vulnerability/struggles to women with a view of having sex/dating. Women have dismissed it as ‘he doesn’t want to have sex’ or ‘he’s not able to satisfy my need’ so she goes and sleeps with someone else. I don’t know that many women in my life and don’t have the relationships for childhood that I can just go back too who would be familiar with me or the concept of OCD so when it comes to dating.. I’m always meeting someone knew with no previous understanding of the condition whilst also trying to find the honesty of someone who would be willing to take the time and effort with me to understand/help me feel less anxious. (To enable us to have sex). Only they don’t or aren’t prepared to wait/try to make me feel comfortable enough which I as a guy would take the time to do with them. ?

At the same time when I have confined to another female OCD sufferer about this with a view to having sex (thinking they would understand the struggles of OCD). They say they don’t have any difficulty with that regard because rather than wait for someone to be close enough with them. They have frequent or regular sex with different men. It makes me feel male sufferers of OCD/Mental Health are not appreciated and therefore can not be open about issues when it comes to dating.

 

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1 hour ago, paleandmorbid said:

It makes me feel male sufferers of OCD/Mental Health are not appreciated and therefore can not be open about issues when it comes to dating.

I'm really sorry you've had negative experience with partners not being willing to work with your OCD. I assure you, females come across this too. I'm very lucky that I'm with a man who understands and is very willing to work with my OCD, but not everyone is so understanding. I can't say that who you dated were bad people, they simply probably didn't understand or have the capacity to handle it. It doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you. I like to call those people "sheltered" to a certain extent. It's a tough disease and can be really hard to understand though, so try not to hold any bad feelings toward them for it. 

You just happened to find people who weren't suited for you. There's lots of people who will be willing to be with you, regardless of your OCD. Those are the people worth your time and worth working with toward an intimate relationship. The girl who had OCD that you mentioned, the thing is, we all have different themes. Yours or one of yours is surrounding having sex, that wasn't one of hers. Don't group all females into that though!!! We don't all go have sex with multiple partners and are totally comfortable with it. (There's nothing wrong if you do that as a female, but everyone is different and a lot of us have fears surrounding sex as well.)

You've just found the wrong people so far. Keep talking about it. If you're feeling the stigma, work to break it! 

 

Edited by hazydaze
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  • 3 weeks later...

I would just want/expect to be treated (with respect) the way I would treat others! I feel for girls they don't have to deal with consequences, as to them there's lots of options/freedom regarding sex/possible partners whereas with a male sufferer, you're always hopping someone will accept you + understand. I’ve never had anyone who loves me. That would want to help/support me with my OCD or anxiety. I am a really good + nice person. Even now with Lockdown 3.0 being a young 20 something male in a pandemic, no one offers to be my support bubble. I feel I offer support + compassion to problems females go through but don’t get the same support in return. ? 

I feel cultural changes i.e feminine/gender voices have contributed to this. (Shouldn't mean you walk-over/discard the 'ill' because they can). 

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Hi paleandmorbid,

There's nothing wrong with wanting some understanding from a potential partner and I'm sorry that you haven't experienced that yet. I know things are hard right now, particularly with lockdown, but it might just be that you haven't yet met someone that has been able to offer the support you need, but that you will in time. 

Remember also that you can overcome OCD, so what you find difficult and need support with right now, might not always be the case :)

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