Comparing obsessions

[Pikachu]

I'm sorry I keep starting topics here everyone, but this thing I did tonight, which I have done before, bothers me and I wonder how many of us have run into this cruel OCD tactic too.

Occasionally my brain has decided to compare obsessions, or the compulsions I attach to them, as a means of problematising the other one. This is possible because I don't just obsess over one thing, but a variety, usually relating to moral issues surrounding being a good person, but I worry about health a fair bit too.

Anyway, I'll give an example. Tonight I was having one of my typical worries again about what if I'm wrong about my sexuality, and I'm actually attracted to men/bisexual (I'm gay myself), specifically it was seeing a male comedian I find funny on tv that set me off because god forbid I find a male comedian funny and not be attracted to him, I guess. I finally settled on this to try and calm me down - this is OCD, all evidence points to my not being, but even if I am, who cares? It doesn't matter.

But then my brain was like - well, if you are saying this one could be a possibility, a real enough one (it's really not, it's more about the language/tactic I used to try and dismiss it) to dismiss it with that logic, what if all the other worries you have (specifically surrounding being a creep) could also be just as much a possibility? And ta-da! Comparing obsessions, and comparing compulsions used to deal with them - a cruel game of "you said that about this; imagine if you said that about this." I understand if you worry specifically about one thing you may not relate, but does anybody else?

I did unfortunately do some compulsions, though I think in this instance OCD's insistence that I should be comparing these things is really unfair, even if it weren't an illness trying to get me to do it - everyone has a sexual orientation, and enough people are confused over it or label themselves incorrectly at some point in their lives that it'd probably be described as 'normal', or at least common, both for people with or without any kind of OCD. Being a creep is not common, and the idea you can worry specifically about these issues, with them also being simultaneously true despite no evidence of it is probably so slim it's almost zero. My point being that they're not comparable even for the average person who doesn't have OCD in terms of likelihood.

Has anyone else compared their obsessions like this? What do you think... any tips on dealing with it? I've even compared the way other people with similar obsessions on here perform compulsions to my own compulsions before, horrible tbh.

Edited January 1, 2021 by Pikachu

[malina]

Hey @Pikachu,

Yes I have done this too and pretty much got the same result as you. This is exactly why we can't ruminate or try to solve these problems. We are trying to solve a problem that is completely irrational. There is no solution or the solution that we come up with then backfires, as in this case. That is why we have to let it go, ignore it rather than reason with it.

[Pikachu]

Thank you @malina. It's just like I am 'accepting' that this obsession could be true (again, I know I'm actually not), so doesn't that make my idea that my obsessions aren't true but just obsessions obsolete? But on a logical level I know it's just me accepting real world likelihoods/probabilities that some things just are more common or typical than others. Both of these obsessions are still so unlikely to be true, but probability wise one is still much more common than the other... I'm worried I'll start connecting more obsessions and creating even more convoluted webs of compulsions, it's so tiring.

[malina]

I think that you just need to accept the idea that anything is possible. Like you're literally obsessing about your obsessing! Don't overthink it, maybe you are a terrible person, maybe your sexuality isn't what you thought it was, maybe the world isn't real, maybe aliens will land here tomorrow. It's all the same, these worries you have look like big risks to you, but the biggest risk is not overcoming the OCD. You have to learn to be flexible and let go of any possibiliy, no matter how catastrophic it may seem.

[Pikachu]

But surely some things are more possible, probability wise, than others? Like I don't think what I said in my original post about these two things being incomparable are unfounded. But I do acknowledge from an OCD standpoint the need to not perform compulsions over it, but I do still think I was right. One of these things is much more normal than the other. 

[Pikachu]

I also think that accepting anything is possible isn't the same as accepting that in my case these things are probably true - or that would mean throwing my experience of OCD out the window and deciding it was just an excuse. I'd imagine people who don't have OCD wouldn't dismiss intrusive thoughts based on the idea anything could be possible, but on the idea that while anything is possible the reality is that the probability of it is very slim.

[Handy]

Thinking about thinking is Metacognition.

Remember you choose what you want to think about, you don’t have to think about this stuff if you don’t want to.

[Pikachu]

12 hours ago, Handy said:

Thinking about thinking is Metacognition.

Remember you choose what you want to think about, you don’t have to think about this stuff if you don’t want to.

I'm trying hard not to. It's just so annoying when there's a clearly logical explanation to not worry, but obviously OCD wants me to anyway. Same old.

Is metacognition a symptom of OCD? 

[malina]

17 hours ago, Pikachu said:

I'd imagine people who don't have OCD wouldn't dismiss intrusive thoughts based on the idea anything could be possible, but on the idea that while anything is possible the reality is that the probability of it is very slim.

I would imagine the same, but do they really? I mean, people get random, weird, disturbing thoughts all the time, but to think about the probability of them being likely or not takes examination. I bet that a lot of people just dismiss them and don't even get to the stage where they think about how likely the scenario is. On the other hand, people like us actually do start thinking about this stuff, which gets us into a bad place.