RELATIONSHIP OCD CAUSING STRESS

[Symps07]

Hi guys,

I'm not doing too well with my thoughts at the moment.

They revolve around my relationship with my fiancée.

I don't know if I am attracted to her? I keep seeing other women who turn me on but it's not the same with her.

We do have sex but I nearly always have to fantasies.

I know that OCD does play a big part in this but I have never had a relationship in the past (not a real one) and I don't know what I should and shouldn't be feeling?

I love my fiancée and she loves me and she would be devastated if she knew how I felt.

I wonder whether I should break up with her and go back to my parents but I don't want to break her heart.

I'm 38 and I have never had a serious relationship before I met my fiancée so my thoughts of sex have been based on lads mags and late night TV, so I know that my view of sex is warped and skewered.

I think my fiancée is pretty, but then I see a picture of a woman in make up and pouty lips and it flicks the switch. It's as though my fiancée is a nice girl and not a temptress.

Maybe I need to see a sex therapist? 

Any help is appreciated. 

I'm not looking for reassurance, I just haven't a clue about being in a relationship and being in one with OCD is cruel.

Symps

Edited January 6, 2021 by Symps07

[MarieJo]

Hiya.

Sorry to hear you're struggling. Only you know how you feel about your fiancee. You should not be with someone, definitely not marry them, just because you don't want to break their heart. That said, real relationships are full of ups and downs and in reality a woman is not going to be in full make up, pouty lips and look like a temptress a lot of the time, the lad mags and late night shows are not real life. Most of the women featured in them do not even really look like they are portrayed in real life anyway, it's all a fantasy and illusion. Maybe your fiancee is not the girl for you or maybe you have wider commitment issues?. OCD is a very challenging disorder and can affect relationships but you can be in a loving and fulfilling relationship and still find other women attractive, that is very normal but if you really do not fancy your girlfriend then obviously that is a problem. 

 

[Symps07]

Thank you MarieJo for you honest response.

I genuinely don't know if I find my fiancée attractive or not. I feel like I am trying to hard to find her attractive or comparing her to other women.

I feel like walking out of the house and letting her get on with her life but I don't know if that is my OCD telling me it's easier that way?

This is the problem that I have, I can't find the honest answer. Or maybe I am just scared what it may be?

I don't want to hurt anyone and I'm scared and lonely.

I want to tell my fiancée that I don't find her attractive but this feels like confession performing 

 

Edited January 6, 2021 by Symps07

[Symps07]

11 minutes ago, MarieJo said:

Maybe your fiancee is not the girl for you or maybe you have wider commitment issues?. OCD is a very challenging disorder and can affect relationships but you can be in a loving and fulfilling relationship and still find other women attractive, that is very normal but if you really do not fancy your girlfriend then obviously that is a problem. 

 

I haven't cheated on my fiancée or been tempted to.

I don't know if I want to be with another woman, it's just the thought of another woman. The fantasy without the reality.

 

[MarieJo]

Then it sounds like your OCD is at play 

[Symps07]

After a long night and a heart to heart with my fiancée, I think I agree.

Thank you for your help MarieJo, I am awaiting a phone call to see my GP as I think I need to go back into therapy. 

[Symps07]

Hi Zee1989,

Fortunately I can say that it was my OCD telling me that I wasn't attracted to her, I also have porn addiction and after watching a few videos about it on youtube am beginning to understand the affect this can have on a relationship.

I can honestly say that I have not been as scared as I was yesterday in my life but I am seeing a therapist this Saturday and I am currently awaiting a call back from my GP. It's given me the shock I need to 'really' get on top of my OCD instead of manage it for so long and then pretend things are alright again.

Syms

[Symps07]

4 hours ago, Zee1989 said:

Really glad to hear that you’ve reached out and found the help!

Well done for noticing and not let your OCD spoil something special!

 

Thank you, I hope that you're keeping well also? 

[Symps07]

10 hours ago, Alex_Jr said:

Hi Symps. There are the certain Christian rules and principles. A principle is, if one took a look upon a woman with a lust, this is a sin. If you both have no a marriage and at same time, you live together, this is a sin, too. Marry her and don't cheat her. 

I have reported this post as it is based on your opinion and has no basis in fact. This kind of comment could be quite harmful for someone dealing with their OCD.

 

[MarieJo]

11 hours ago, Alex_Jr said:

Hi Symps. There are the certain Christian rules and principles. A principle is, if one took a look upon a woman with a lust, this is a sin. If you both have no a marriage and at same time, you live together, this is a sin, too. Marry her and don't cheat her. 

Alex. This is your personal opinion and not fact. It has no place on an ocd forum either. I am a Christian but I do not feel the need to preach about 'sins' it's really not helpful or kind especially when someone is suffering, also not everyone is Christian or has faith and even Christians and holy men/clergy would differ in their definition of 'sin'. The real Christian thing to do would to comment in a helpful way or refrain from commenting if your view is to cause further suffering or pain.