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14 minutes ago, phillev said:

That's a major life choice only you can make, but don't let OCD make it for you. You seem to have a massive OCD issue with being gay, listen some things are out of our control and our sexual orientation is one i'm afraid. This does sound like textbook OCD though and blowing it all out of proportion, trust me I am an expert on that. Everyone with OCD has etiher a or multiple fears that it will get a grasp on and yours appears to be homosexuality and it will lie and manipulate to try and get you to believe what it is saying is true, probably if I told you my worst fears your reply would be the same to me.

I have had transient fears that lasted months then moved onto somthing else.  This has been my main one now and has never left for 14 years.

Before HOCD I had fears I contracted aids from girls I fooled around with.  I went for tests and everything.

Its especially scary because my reactions are evolving.  I used to get reactions from girls and now its switching to men.

I am not sure what 'float my boat' means as its not enjoyable for me even if it is arousing.  Its like my own body is raping me or betraying me. The minute I typed that I then had the thought you are lying and making this up and you do like it.

My groinals used to happen now and again.  In 2010 they probably happened once a week.  Now its 99% of the time I see any man on tv or internet.

Instagram and facebook are triggering.  If I see topless men I get a groinal and start worrying and freaking out. IF I see hot women I feel nothing and freak out.

The same pics of women would have triggered enjoyable arousal in me as a teen and in my 20s and early 30s.

If I am flirting with a girl online it is now not giving me the thrill and arousal it used to.  In fact its not giving me any arousal at all now.

 

In fact I just had a groinal to a topless guy on a sexual health advert on facebook where you can get tested for STDs.

Maybe in time I will be ok with the groinals and being gay.

Edited by Dave321
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The one thing that I have learned about OCD and I may sound a bit stupid here is that after suffering with it for all these years it took this forum to point out OCD's biggest weapon, DOUBT! it takes anything and flips it on it's head and installs the doubt and what do we all want? a yes or a no answer, you need to know one percent are you straight I need to know that I am totally incapable of hurting someone, the person who has it who lives down the street needs proof he/she locked the front door this morning after leaving for work. Take that weapon away and you are winning the fight, i'm still battling and you must too. Look worst case scenario in your eyes is that you might be gay.... So what, you may be bi... Again so what as long as you have friends and family who take you for who you are who cares and everybody else who doesn't ain't worth worrying about.

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I know being gay should not matter and my mother loves me no matter what.  I just dont want to be gay. I feel like I am in denial.  I cant just not let it bother me.  It scares me.  Its not a choice to be scared if this makes sense.

Also I know people talk about the 1% doubt in ocd.  To me its like 99% doubt and 1% beleif I am straight now.  When this started I thought its was most likely I was straight but my symptoms have evolved and it feels like my straightness was deconstructed as my reactions are changing over the years.

Not now but back in 2014 when I was bad I decided to join the gay forum Empty Closets to tell my story to see what they thought.   One guy said he thought he was straight and one day as an adult he checked out a man in the park while sitting on a bench and got a massive erection and since then he said his attractions to men grew and his arousal for women faded away.  I am terrified I am following this same process.

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I think it must be bad interalised homophobia.  I was bullied and called gay age 12 when I went to a new school.  I think I must have thought that being gay was a shameful thing or something.

But I did find pictures of women arousing in my teens so I dont know what to believe.

I've always been a worrier.  I worry a lot about bad things happening to me and my family.  I always had a paranoia and fear of getting diseases and also of dying in car crashes or plane crashes as well as family members.

Maybe I am just gay with Genealised Anxiety Disorder?

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Dave, I think you're getting stuck by asking yourself the wrong question. 

At the moment you're focusing on the 'what if I'm gay?' thought and it blocks out rational thinking thereafter as you go into a state of anxiety.

Instead why don't you ask yourself, 'How do I see my ideal future?' Picture it. Really let you're imagination run riot. :)

Are you successful, rich, famous? Happy in your job? With someone or single? Remember this is your fantasy ideal so don't let yourself get distracted by thoughts about gay or straight. Just try to picture yourself 5 years or 10 years from now and make a note of what sort of things show up in your happy fantasy. One thing I hope you'll put in there is being OCD-free! Imagine that. What does it feel like? What becomes important to you in its place?

By taking your mind away from the anxiety-provoking question and putting yourself into a 'happy place' state of mind you should find the urgency of finding answers to your sexuality becomes less intense. You might even find the answer you seek by a different route. If something in your fantasy future makes you anxious it's not meant to be there and doesn't reflect the real you. If it makes you happy and eager to see that imaginary future happen for real then it reflects the true you.

Now, look at how you respond to the thought of being gay. Anxious? Suggests it's not part of your true make-up. Happy, relaxed and feeling good about yourself?

Whenever you get locked in circles of anxiety by the thought of being gay, repeat this exercise and hopefully it will be clearer to you where your heart lies, regardless of how you feel when you test yourself or doubt yourself.

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Thank you so much snowbear.  I never heard that method before.   I definitely see myself in a  happy place with a nice loving wife .  As soon as I pictured it I then started thinking I was lying to myself  though!

All through my teen years I lloked forward to the day of having sex with girls and having a girlfriend or wife.  I got glandular fever ironically enough after kissing girls and during the illness my erection quality diminished a lot. That was 20 yrs ago.  I went to numerous doctors but it was never resolved and I believe I developed some sort of post viral damage although no doc could ever think this could happen. I was diagnosed with a venous leak by one urologist, then a 2nd urologist said it was all in my head and a 3rd urologist said it was poor blood flow and did surgery.  But I never got proper erections since like I did before the illness. Its a mystery what happened.  This erection issue caused the doubting my sexuality because the 2nd urologist said its in my head so I wracked my brains to figure out how it could be a mental issue and the gay idea came up.

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23 hours ago, Lennon841 said:

I suppose the point of him posting is because he is ill with OCD and this is an OCD forum. Five years is a short space of time when it comes to OCD and anyone who has suffered in the past should surely know just how hard it is to follow the advice given even when they know it’s for the best. Fear and panic overrides everything and people are different and overcome things in different ways, so Impatience will only make them feel worse. If it was as simple as following the advice and not giving in to compulsions then OCD wouldn’t exist. 

The question was not meant for others to answer. It was directed to Dave.

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This is really scary.  I just had a groinal arousal.  I saw some topless football players singing on tv.  It was ont he news but only for a couple of seconds.  I normally get a groinal sensation in my perineum area and never directly in my penis but this time I felt it in my penis and there was a small movment and it may have developed into a semi or more if the image was left on the screen longer.  This is the 1st time ever its happened in my penis after 14 yrs of groinals.  It normally starts in the perineum area (root of my penis near butt). I am really scared this is evolving into full blown arousal and I will start getting erections.

The scary part is also the intensity of the nerve impulse down there. Like its arousal on steroids like an electrical surge in my groin.

I used to cling to any hope this was ocd like the fact I never got an erection to men without 'help' from my hand and now I fear this is going to change soon the way its going.

 

Edited by Dave321
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So what are you going to do about it Dave?  Not about the doubts and fears but about you?  The methods you're using, the compulsions, the repetition of details aren't helping you and neither is the advice from the forum.  So it needs a next step, probably from another experienced OCD specialist who can work with you on a personal level.  Self-Help isn't proving to be enough for you.  Do you think you could consider going back to your doctor?

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14 minutes ago, Caramoole said:

So what are you going to do about it Dave?  Not about the doubts and fears but about you?  The methods you're using, the compulsions, the repetition of details aren't helping you and neither is the advice from the forum.  So it needs a next step, probably from another experienced OCD specialist who can work with you on a personal level.  Self-Help isn't proving to be enough for you.  Do you think you could consider going back to your doctor?

I may yes.  There is no way I would go to my GP and tell her what is the matter nor have her send me to some some therapist who will say I am gay.  I dont  trust the ocd therapists here as I reckon they would be useless.  Why?  Because any doctor I have gone to here seems to know nothing about my conditions.  I went to a endocrinologist about my hormones a few years ago and asked him about my poor erections and sex drive.  The 1st thing he asked was ''are you gay?''  Like WTF???

I told him I had been diagnosed with a 'venous leak' by a urologist and he said he had never heard of the condition. I found that very surprising for a doc. 

So I may decide to see Elaine Ryan who has knowledge of hocd.  But then I think that am I choosing a therapist who will tell me what I want to hear rather than the truth even if it is my worst nightmare.

I am literally clinging to the 1% hope this is ocd.  Am I in denial?  My groin seems to be only responding to guys now when all my teens and early adulthood I was into women only.

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Not surprised your groin is responding to guys.....it's been trained to in every waking moment for many years, so reacts accordingly.

You don't need to tell your GP great detail, only that you'd like her to help with a referral to a good OCD therapist.  You also will have to try and put your suspicions aside and go with an open mind.  Where abouts is it that you are again?

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1 minute ago, Caramoole said:

Not surprised your groin is responding to guys.....it's been trained to in every waking moment for many years, so reacts accordingly.

You don't need to tell your GP great detail, only that you'd like her to help with a referral to a good OCD therapist.  You also will have to try and put your suspicions aside and go with an open mind.  Where abouts is it that you are again?

Ireland. What do you mean go with an open mind??

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No, I don't mean that at all Dave.  I mean that you have to have an open mind about a therapists ability to help and for you to find a willingness to work with them.  You are so bewildered & exhausted that I don't think that you are able to think rationally about this, you need professional help

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You can be helped Dave but you also have to be prepared to work alongside that help.  That will require great courage  in the face of great personal doubt and fear.  You have a big battle but it's one worth facing for some peace.  Try to shelve your preconceived suspicions and accept help, it's something you really do need :)

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You’ve been writing about the same thing on various message boards for more than 3 years.  Hundreds, perhaps thousands of replies& you don’t listen.

Edited by Handy
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11 hours ago, Handy said:

You’ve been writing about the same thing on various message boards for more than 3 years.  Hundreds, perhaps thousands of replies& you don’t listen.

I agree, but I have to say that the trolling type replies that I have seen him receive on "other" less moderated message boards have been far from helpful, & most likely made his OCD worse!

You know the type of people I am on about that do this! They use a forum, mysteriously disappear & pop again up under different guises. Speaking of which, you wouldn't happen to be the user Orwell1984 that uses the other Action forum would you?  And also previously went under the same name on here, prior to the account being removed?   

(I should point out, there is another user using the exact same name on here now, which is no way connected!)

 

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Could my ocd be real event ocd about being gay?

I wasn't even the one who thought I had ocd when this started in 2007.  I was freaking out and crying and panicking and my mother discovered HOCD ont he internet and when I looked at the symptoms I had most of them. 

The things that mad eme beleiev I might be straight and this is ocd seem to be disappearing now though.  Before if a gay thought popped into my head it wouldnt cause my groin to react.  Now it is.  If I pictured girls in my had I would be able to get arousal going without my hand.  Now its not so easy and gay thoughts seem to be causing a slight movement.

The checking rituals used to provide some reassurance.  If I checked women in porn I got very aroused.  Gay porn caused boredom and nothing and was disgusting.  Now gay porn causes a bit of a reaction and my heart starts beating fast.  That never happened before the last 18 months. Straight porn has become very boring.

Stuff about woment hat always aroused me isnt giving anywhere near the same reaction anymore.  Kissing always gt me aroused. Now (well before covid) kissing barely did anything for me. Whats going on?  I dont see how ocd (IF IF IF thats what this is) can do that.

I am convinced I must have been born gay but never realised or explored it etc and now my brain is rewiring to gay things and cant get aroused by women anymore.

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I'm sorry Dave but it is futile for people to continue to comment on the type of content that you've just written.  We have been going over this very same statement hundreds of times over many years.  That's not to be unkind, I realise how troubled it makes you feel.....but it will.  We know that to endlessly ruminate (which we would be assisting in doing) is only going to help to maintain and worsen the problem.

Again, I would recommend that you go back to your GP and ask for a referral to someone qualified to work with OCD sufferers.  I think you're struggling to the point where you need some proper professional help as you're struggling with Self-Help methods.  You can be helped, and deserve to be, so have a think about doi g this for yourself :)

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I will look for help this year Caramoole.  But I feel like a fraud that I am fooling myself and the therapist trying to claim its ocd.   Maybe its the 5 stages of grief and coming to terms with being gay?

Any evidence it was ocd or that I was probably straight has evaporated.  I just cant stop worrying about being gay. 

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Get the help Dave.  You can't stop worrying because you are truly locked into an OCD cycle that you struggling to deal with on your own, you need someone who can help you to do that.  "This year" has a long time to run, 11.5 months.....do it now, this month and start the process :)

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  • 2 weeks later...
On 15/01/2021 at 23:41, Dave321 said:

The way you describe your groinals is a different experience to mine.  I dont go looking for them.  They literally occir spontaneously (but only to men) even when I am not even paying attention and absorbed in something else.  For example I could be typing like I am now and the tv could be on as white noise int he background and a topless Gillette tv advert might appear in my peripheral vision and a strong arousal happens before I eve look up.  My brain knows before my conscious that its a man and groinals occurs.   Its not like I look at a man for 2 mins and scrutinise my groin and then something happens.  That's why I think maybe its not ocd and a natural sexual response for a gay man to have.   I'm even getting them now to full clothed men. 

I have a huge dislike of psychologists and psychs from bad experiences. 

Dave, There’s something called arousal non-concordance. This occurs when something becomes sexually related in your brain even though it goes against your morals/values. In your brain you’ve related men to the idea of arousal because you’ve spent so much time worrying about if you COULD get aroused by men or worrying if you MIGHT get aroused by pictures of men. Subsequently, even though you know you like women and you enjoy the arousal you get from looking at women, your brain views men sexually because you’ve related them in your brain. The overlap between things we actually want to be aroused by and like being aroused by is 10-50%, meaning that 90-50% of the stuff you may get aroused by is just sex RELATED whether you like it or not. The pathways for wanting and liking and bodily sexual responses are vastly different. If your mouth waters at the sight of a food you don’t like does that mean you want to eat that food? No. It’s means your brain recognised some food and responded with increased saliva preparing you to eat it. I know it can feel super real sometimes but at the end of the day if it causes you distress and you don’t like it you’re not genuinely aroused by it. Here are some videos for you to watch that are really insightful and helpful. I would advise to watch Chrissie Hodges videos as she makes them lighthearted, relatable and comforting. You are not alone, help is out there. Hope you feel better soon :)

Edited by snowbear
need to check out links
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