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Starting to date with OCD.


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I have suffered from OCD for many years but was finally diagnosed 2 years ago and have been on meds and in therapy since then. Things have been improving and last month I finally took the plunge and started online dating. The initial steps on the app are going well - profile filled out, messages sent, etc but I now find myself starting to date someone (well as much as you can date someone new during corona lockdown) and I find myself getting very anxious about how much to say about OCD, when to say I have OVCD, if I should say I have OCD or leave it until much later in the relationship.

The last few years my life has been a complete mess and so I haven't been dating, and prior to that I didn't know I had OCD and that it was the reason behind so many fears/compulsions/terrors/etc. But obviously things are different now, I know I have OCD and while I am more in control of my life than I was things obviously get messy and complicated sometimes. Like the times when I have really bad OCD spikes or hit periods of clinical depression and go out of contact for a while.

Does anyone have advice on if/when/how to introduce OCD to a new relationship? I still feel huge waves of shame and guilt about having OCD so I may be overreacting about it, but I am worried that it would put most men off dating me once they found out. And if I keep it private until later on I am concerned that would come across as having lied.

I am particularly worried by having to explain my recent history as for the last few years I haven't been working due to my mental health. I amnestying starting to work towards getting a job again (been doing interviews etc) but I am really anxious about this gap of several years and how to explain it or if it is okay to gloss it over and, in effect, lie about it?

Any advice or experiences would be appreciated :)

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Hi Agrippina,

My experience was slightly different to yours - I started to experience very bad OCD symptoms again a couple of months *after* starting a relationship.

Prior to this I'd had a bout of OCD about 10 years earlier but had come out of the other side, as it were. So I hadn't even thought about it for years, but it was enough to recognise what was happening when it flared up again.

I was very concerned about what my partner would think, but I was also aware that it was something I needed to get out into the open, particularly since I knew that my anxiety would be pretty apparent to her anyway.

She was absolutely wonderful about it. Listened to me, and then went and did some reading up about it. She has been fantastic and massively supportive, even when I've been at my most vague and distant and lost in my thoughts, and in my absolute darkest days.

Obviously, it depends on the person, but I think that if you're able to have some literature to hand so that you can say "look - it sounds weird, it might be hard to understand what I'm trying to say, but... this explains about it" is useful.

I think that any person truly worth their salt would be prepared to make an effort to understand, and, if they really liked you, to support you as best they could. Good luck!

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Hi @Agrippina,

I had the same problem when I started seeing my boyfriend. We had been seeing each other for about a month at this point and I could see this developing into a relationship. OCD is such a big part of my life and I felt that it would be unfair to hide that from him, but I also thought that he wouldn't want to be with someone with a mental health problem. So one day I decided to tell him about it, what happened to me and how it has affected my life. He was really sweet and understanding about it and, fast forward to present day, we have been together for 7 years. He's honestly the biggest source of support that I have.

I don't think there is really a right answer here. I think that you should try your best to relax and enjoy the experience. There is nothing to feel guilty about, you are who you are and there is so much more to you than OCD. If you find someone you like and see a future with, you share it with them when you are ready. I agree with @FranticS that someone who is worth your time will do their best to understand.

Edited by malina
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Thank you @FranticS and @malina, @Handy I am not sure trying to find someone else with OCD to date is the right way to go about it!

I have recently started to date a man I met online and our third virtual date is tonight - super nervous! I am not sure when I will mention having OCD, but I might casually introduce having anxiety to gauge his reaction... wish me luck!

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17 hours ago, Agrippina said:

Thank you @FranticS and @malina, @Handy I am not sure trying to find someone else with OCD to date is the right way to go about it!

I have recently started to date a man I met online and our third virtual date is tonight - super nervous! I am not sure when I will mention having OCD, but I might casually introduce having anxiety to gauge his reaction... wish me luck!

I hope it went well!!!

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