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Constantly questioning my motives


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I am having the most horrendous time at the moment. I am questioning my motive for every single action I'm taking. I talk to a friend, and I start thinking "do I really care about what you think or feel, or am I just being polite out of habit?", I look after my cats and then I'm wondering if i really care about them as beings or if I'm not just trying to convince myself I'm a "good person" and then I start wondering why I'm so keen to be a "good person" anyway, and if my fears of being a "bad person" aren't just selfishness, I mean surely if we do anything just because it makes us "good", rather than because we want the best for the people involved, then it's just about our egos isnt it, and round and round I go, until I've convinced myself that I'm completely amoral and totally unfeeling towards my fellow beings...

I mean, IS this normal for ocd? Is it just me? I feel like I've completely fallen down a rabbithole with all this... :(

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Oh man I've been where you are - these questions plague me at times. 

The thing is... anyone would feel like this if they started analysing like this. It's like if you check the door is locked, the more you check the more unsure you are. 

The only way out of the rabbit hole is to... step out of the rabbit hole. By which I mean you need to leave this question alone, leave it unanswered. You will never get the answer you want. What is certain though - is the more you try and figure this out, the more agonising it will feel. 

Leave it alone. Your brain will scream at you. You'll feel like you absolutely HAVE TO answer this question. But leave it alone nonetheless.  Give your brain time to cool down. The more you engage with this question, the more you are teaching your brain to panic. 

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Thanks GBG, Its so hard *not* to press on with these questions because you start doubting the nature of your own reality, and you feel like you need to restore yourself to a point where things make some sort of sense again...

There are times when I simply "forget" to worry about this, and life seems quite easy at those times, but then I just start wondering if I'm not just blithely deluding myself, and off we go again...

 

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