A weird situation

[Cora]

Hello everyone, 

Something weird happened this morning. I didn't want to talk about it on here but I feel guilty and I would like to address some things.

I received some private messages, here on the forum, from another user. The messages weren't the greatest and left me feel even more guilty and ashamed than before receiving them. I was named a loser, dumb and selfish, and told that I had privileges. Maybe I am those things and I had to see it sooner. It hurts but maybe it is the truth. But that was not the thing that upset me the most. What upset me was that person was mocking me and my struggles "but oh poor you, right? you're feeling so, so bad". I understand the person's frustration but that made me feel like sh!t.

There was another important thing. That person also said "It disgusts me how you have taken away time from people who are screaming for help". I know I've been on this forum way too much and received continuous great advice, which I sincerely apologise for, but my intention was never to take away time from people struggling, never.

I think they also made some weird allusions to the fact that I'm a paedophile. I say I think because there was something I didn't understand (English is not my first language) and I might be mistaken. I hope I am.

I feel guilty for posting this but I have to. And the main reason for that is because even though I apologised before, I would like to do it again. I am really sorry for wasting your time and making you feel like your opinions don't matter. I have always appreciated your help and support and I couldn't be more thankful for your time, patience and guidance, but I apologise for always coming back and asking/talking about the same thing. I also apologise if I indeed took away the time from people who needed it more than me. I am really sorry.

I don't know what else to say. I've been thinking about those messages all day and I had to come on here and talk about it. 

Again, I'm really sorry and thank you for reading this. 

Edited January 16, 2021 by Cora

[hazydaze]

7 minutes ago, Cora said:

I think they also made some weird allusions to the fact that I'm a paedophile. I say I think because there was something I didn't understand (English is not my first language) and I might be mistaken. I hope I am.

It was me. And I never, ever said you were a pedophile.

[malina]

Cora,

nobody has the right to insult you like this. It's one thing to be harsh/blunt towards another sufferer in order to make them see the error of their ways, but it's another thing entirely to just throw around insults. I think sometimes users get frustrated when another person just doesn't seem to be getting the message, but in that case, they have every right to stop responding. Also, everyone has the right to decide which posts they respond to so, if other users are not getting as many responses, it isn't because of you but all of us.

In any case, I think that all of us need to sometimes take a step back and remember the purpose of this forum. We are all suffering from a mental illness, none of us are professionals. If someone feels frustrated, just take a step back.

[hazydaze]

I am sorry for the level I got to. I was really angry, and I think I went too far. 
You don't know how it feels to sit on here and wait for someone to respond. Thinking that since no one has replied, you don't have OCD and people must think that what you said isn't OCD. Have you felt that? 
I didn't mean to belittle how you feel, but I just don't think you have taken into account how terrible others feel. And you just don't stop. "Ok, I understand." 3 minutes later, a gigantic post with the exact same stuff you've been saying this whole time. I probably shouldn't have said anything because I have a hard time controlling my limbic system when it gets going.. but I lost it and felt something had to be said. 

[hazydaze]

I also don't recall calling you a loser but I'll have to go back and check. Sorry if I did.

 

 

 

 

just checked, and I read that English isn't your first language so totally fair enough, but I didn't say you were one, but your actions were "like a loser."

Edited January 16, 2021 by hazydaze

[hazydaze]

You know what, rereading what I just said -- I don't think you deserved my anger, and I am sorry. It was everyone who ignores everyone else, and tends to like one or two people, leaving others to feel like an absolute bag of sh!t.

[felix4]

I would report this to the moderators Cora!

Personally, I think it bang out of order! 

[hazydaze]

3 minutes ago, felix4 said:

I would report this to the moderators Cora!

Personally, I think it bang out of order! 

I wouldn't worry too hard as I'm deleting my account right after this. There are some marvelous aspects about this forum, but it isn't moderated properly at all. It's been a slice - 5 or 6 years. Byeeeeeeeeeee

[malina]

I got called names a bunch of times by some people who I really cared about because they were frustrated with me and how much I was struggling. At one point, I was sleeping quite a lot and sitting around the flat in my PJs and this person called me a lazy cow because of it. Then there are all the reminders of how priviledged you are to have a safe home and support and opportunities that others don't have. Yes, these things are all priviledges and we are lucky to have them, but they in no way make this mental illness less serious. There are people far more priviledged than us who suffer from mental illnesses and it shouldn't matter either, it doesn't change the pain that any of us feel and the torture that we're going through. At least on this forum it's easy, if we don't like something, we can very easily stop responding to it. Keep your head up Cora, I think it's just easy for people to lose perspective but you have every right to reach out for help and you should keep doing so.

[MarieJo]

Sorry you had to endure that Cora. It's not a competition who gets the most responses. I personally only respond to subjects for which I can relate to. We are all suffering in our own way and should not turn on each other however frustrated we are. This should feel like a safe place.  

[Cora]

I don't think anyone is interested in listening to/reading this but I'll say it anyway.

I feel like I should have not shared what happened. I feel bad for doing so. I'm 22 but I behaved like I was 11, so now I do feel like a loser. Also, I feel like I've waisted everyone's time, which is probably the thing I regret the most. 

Anyway, I'm sorry. 

[Cora]

23 hours ago, malina said:

I got called names a bunch of times by some people who I really cared about because they were frustrated with me and how much I was struggling.

I'm really sorry that this happened to you, @malina. I think I can understand how much that affected you. You didn't deserve that. No one does. 

Edited January 17, 2021 by Cora

[Caramoole]

I am sorry this has happened to you Cora.  Whatever your struggles, no other user has any right to contact another and abuse them in this way.  Whilst I Thank you for owning up Hazy Daze, this is completely unacceptable and I am left with no other option but to suspend your account.

If any user ever receives abuse in this way or personal messages that they find troubling, please contact the Moderating Team immediately so that it can be dealt with.

[PolarBear]

Cora, and others, just for future reference, this type of situation is best discussed directly to the moderators. We regular users can't help, except to offer reassurance. 

[Caramoole]

On 16/01/2021 at 21:40, hazydaze said:

There are some marvelous aspects about this forum, but it isn't moderated properly at all. 

Hazy Daze, OCD-UK is a very well-moderated forum.  Fortunately, it is also a site which needs very little moderation due to the respectful and considerate conduct of most of its users.  If (and when) moderation is required it is normally as a result of those individuals who show an inability or willingness to moderate their own conduct.