Advice appreciated - boyfriend with OCD

[maeme98]

Hi there

I am new to this forum, I have come across this after googling as I am a bit lost and not sure what to do. 

My boyfriend of 10 months suffers with OCD. For the most part of our relationship it has never really been very obvious however we now live together and with the lockdown his OCD has got markedly worse. He is carrying out his compulsions and despite many really good conversations we have had where he has agreed he will be honest and tell me when he gets the urge to carry out a compulsion, he is still doing them and hiding it from me. 

He is currently making his way through the book Break Free From OCD but I just feel a bit at a loss as to how to help him. Ive tried speaking to him about it so I can really understand the reasons why he does it and I felt like we had really taken a big step forward when we agreed he would at least tell me about it so I could perhaps help him challenge the negative thoughts but with him still doing it and hiding it from me Im at a loss as to what to do. Im so worried about him, to the point I can't sleep because I am worried he will get up in the night to do the compulsions. 

I suffer with anxiety myself so I really empathise and understand just how hard it is to overcome it but I feel like I am a bit out of my depth and not enough to help him. I have suggested him seeking some therapy as I think that will really help but he is not keen on the idea and so I just dont know what else to do. 

Any advice would be so appreciated as I feel quite alone in all of this and I am not sure what to do. 

Thanks in advance

x

[Gemma@OCDUK]

Hi Maeme98,

Welcome to the forum

I'm sorry to hear that your boyfriend is struggling with OCD and it's also having a big impact on you too. Although I know you really want to help him, you are limited on what you can do to help, particularly if he doesn't want to reach out for help himself. It can be really hard to do therapy alone even with the help of a great self-help book like Break Free from OCD, so encouraging him to seek help is something you could continue to do. You could also consider reading Break Free from OCD too, I know that my partner found it helpful in understanding OCD further.

There is a great presentation from our online conference about helping a loved one here https://www.ocduk.org/conference/conference-map/family/helping-family-member-with-ocd/ that might give you some ideas on what you could do. It might also be helpful to watch other presentations together, you can access them all from here https://www.ocduk.org/conference/conference-map/ There is a mix of presentations, including ones from sufferers who've overcome OCD.

I hope this helps