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Is anyone else's OCD constantly changing?


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Hi everyone

I am new here and have never before reached out to other OCD sufferers - but just seeing the community here has already made me feel less alone.

I wondered if anyone has shared my experience of their OCD constantly 'mutating' (that's how I think of it!)?  I'm 32 and first showed signs of OCD when I was 4 years old - since then I've had some times when it's been almost gone and some times when it's completely taken over my life.  But the thing is - the episodes are always around something different.  There were intrusive thoughts that I had tried to harm someone (I hadn't).  There was a stage where it took me over an hour to get to bed each night because I had to execute my routine 'just right'.  There was handwashing.  There was a bout of anorexia in my teens.  There were horrendous intrusive thoughts that I had to neutralise with an incredibly complicated praying routine (I'm not even religious).  And most recently this very strange thing around understanding the EXACT meaning of everything anyone says, even if it doesn't make sense.

I've been in therapy for OCD, anxiety and depression for most of my adult life and I have never managed to find a long term solution.  Every time I feel the OCD coming back, I promise myself that I will resist and not let it in, but I always do.  I may as well never have bothered with the CBT in the first place.  I think dealing with it is made more difficult by the fact that it's in a different form every time. Learning how not to wash your hands 100 times a day isn't the same as learning not to spend 2 hours praying about a horrible sexual thought that you had.  IS this the case for anyone else?  If so, have you found any strategies that really work to keep it at bay??

 

 

 

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I completely understand what you mean. My ocd changes theme too. I have had intrusive thoughts since I was 10,  i convinced myself i was a pervert in my late teens, then I had harm OCD which got massively worse when I had kids, then relationship based OCD, then I got health ocd and now I am afraid of any harm coming to my children when they are out. I also have to go back to the house to check locks, the iron is off etc and I am constantly checking my purse. Sometimes I have all these themes going on at the same time..I found CBT a little helpful but not massively as it did not seem to address all the themes I have. However I think the key is to see it all as OCD and not give it sub headings as it all comes from the safe place which is our anxious mind. I have found tips from this forum very helpful. Mainly to stop compulsions. For me they are checking and ruminating. I have tried to cut these down which definitely helps 

Edited by MarieJo
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My OCD has also taken many different guises over the years, but I have realised that there is a common theme that I feel worried that I am going to lose everything that is important to me if I don’t respond to the intrusive thoughts.

For example, I had a long period of checking OCD when I had just got my first “proper” job and my first home, when I felt I was going to lose my house or job by forgetting to lock the door or switch something off, or make a mistake at work if I didn’t keep checking what I had done.I now have contamination OCD based around my kids coming to harm. As what’s important in my life has changed, so has my OCD.

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I'm the same with intrusive thoughts that have mutated over the years (since starting to have them in junior school) although very broadly speaking they have all been sexual in nature. 

I can't really add much more other than to say I stumbled across this forum about six months ago and it has been a revelation so I hope it is useful to you too. There's a lot of good advice on here. I'm trying to put as much into practice as I can before starting therapy this year. It is SO nice to realise you're not alone, when more than anything OCD makes you feel like you are alone and you must be a weirdo to even have these thoughts in the first place.

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Hey @Little_Mim, I can definitely relate. I think I must have had OCD since I was around 4 years old too and I'm 33 now...so in almost 30 years you can imagine that the nature of the intrusions has evolved a lot. You're right, it is hard to manage them when they are different each time. However, I think the key is not just to learn to manage one single behaviour (like reducing hand washing) but to generally take on a new, more rational approach to life and to build resilience overall. I think that if you're able to recognise bad patterns, regardless of what they are, you can learn to resist and let go. Learning to manage one type of fear has helped me recognise how much OCD is embedded in all areas of my life and I am trying to tackle that.

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Hi  I definitely agree with Greyhoundmum    my ocd has changed over the years   As different people become important so my ocd centers on keeping them safe   i first became aware of my ocd when I began secondary school  im now 56    after reading other posts I don't feel alone anymore 

Edited by OPTIMISTIC
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Wow, thank you for starting this thread, and for everyone sharing their situations.

I have bad OCD and have done since about 10 years old. The themes do change, depending on what is important to me, like you guys have eluded to already.

It manifests in all different ways, the worst being fears of being a pedophile, killing or injuring people, spreading germs, saying or thinking wrong things. 

My compulsions have been checking visually and mentally checking and replaying, repeating phrases, seeking reassurance, draw lines and repeating things in my head a certain number of times.

The lists go on.

I have just come into recovery in the past few years for co occurring addiction (even though the lines between OCD and addiction often overlap and become blurred for me), and now my new obsession is accidently relapsing. And since covid has been around, another new one is fear of spreading covid and being a murderer.

So yeah, it changes and manifests into whatever is important to you or that you value.

I've done some CBT and I am very challenged by exposure. I am trying my best to practice the techniques, and just now I went against the covid obsession and my anxiety has skyrocketed. I've checked a bit, but I'm just really trying to let it pass. 

Exposure confuses me and the OCD infiltrates that as well and confused me, and having the perfectionism thing going on doesn't help at all!

Trial and error I'm telling myself. I managing to make slow progress, but I'm not sure if I need more support from a CBT therapist, or is that my OCD and me just wanting reassurance from them...who knows.

I'm doing counselling as well for general issues, and of course OCD comes up in that, but I'm very careful to remember what I've learned from CBT and not let the OCD hijack the sessions. I know CBT is the recommended treatment, and that other therapies like counselling can be detrimental to OCD recovery. This is also confusing, but I'm persisting.

So just to sum up, I came here wanting support for my difficulties with the exposure side of CBT, and I think I'm reminded that its a process and there's no quick fix. And its nice to have you guys to relate to.

All the best.

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